Tempting as it may be, judging people is useless. Any judgment is based on personal values, even if these values are more or less shared among a community. All people are different. That is a given. Even identical twins will show differences; they're twins, not clones.

We all have our own traits and characteristics. Some of them we'll appreciate; others we may despise. Some of our traits we value ourselves may be disapproved of by others and vice versa. Where I may characterize myself as an independent thinker with a strong opinion, you may find me conceited and stubborn. Which one of us is right?

However, even is there is no sense in judging people; that doesn't mean we should be ignorant or indifferent. It's a simple fact that we discriminate. You'll like one person better than the other. That's only human, a fact of life. So, knowing this, just how should we make the distinction?

First and foremost we have our intuition we can rely on. Our gut feeling will give us a clue about whether or not we will get along with the person in front of us. Supported by signs of non-verbal communication we draw conclusions. For each of us it takes just a quick glance at someone to evaluate that person. At a subconscious level we perceive their looks, attitude, gestures, manners, tone of voice, etc. and at that same level we draw up the balance sheet.

In addition to our intuition we can rely on our common sense. It doesn't take too long in most cases to learn a little about a person. Their sense of humor, strong beliefs, attitude towards life and so on will become clear by what they say, don't say and how they react. A strictly orthodox person for example will most likely not connect with me. Our perceptions, experiences and attitudes to life simply differ too much. Common sense can tell you that. Again, there's no need to judge the person in order to determine whether or not you will get along.

Having said this, we still like to have guidelines on how to deal with other people, how to look at them, how to treat them and whether or not to trust them. I've derived these guidelines from Buddha and I find them to be useful. They may seem too evident, but are quite often ignored or not taken into consideration carefully enough.

How to recognize bad friends

The following people should be regarded as enemies, rather than as friends (even though they may present themselves as friends):

Thieves

Anybody who is out for the riches of his friend, hardly ever gives, but often asks, does his duties out of fear and stays in your company out of self-interest should be seen as an enemy rather than as a friend.

Hypocrites

People making all kinds of beautiful promises regarding the past or the future, who try to fob you off with empty words and put forward all kinds of excuses when asked for help, should be considered enemies rather than friends.

Smooth talkers

People who approve the wrong things, disapprove things that are right, speak highly of you when you're around but speak ill of you when you're not should not be seen as friends.

People who harm

A person is harmful when he's your companion if you indulge in drugs or alcohol, when he joins you as you wander on the streets at ill-timed hours, when he accompanies you to places of pleasure and joins you when gambling. Such a person, who takes part in or even stimulates giving in to these temptations, should not be seen as a friend.

"The friend who is all take,

The friend of empty words,

The friend full of flattery,

And the reckless friend;

These four are not friends, but enemies;

The wise understand this

And keep them at a distance

As they would a dangerous path."

How to recognize good friends

The following people can be regarded as true, loyal friends:

Helpers

He who guards the unwary, he who looks after the property of the unwary, the person you can turn to for shelter, the one who is willing (if capable) to pay your debts, in short: the person who aims to help you should be considered a friend.

Enduring friends

A person who remains the same towards you, both in good and in bad times, should be seen as a warmhearted friend. He who has no secrets for you, he who keeps your secrets, who doesn't abandon you in case of bad luck, who would sacrifice his own life on your behalf. The latter may be a bit too much to be asked, but you get the point.

Mentors

A person who dissuades you from doing bad things, who encourages you to do good, who informs you about things you don't know and shows you the correct path should be considered a friend.

Compassionate friends

If a person does not feel joy about your misfortune, is happy on your behalf, keeps other from speaking badly about you and praises those who speak well about you, then this person can be considered a friend.

"The friend who is a helper,

The friend through thick and thin,

The friend who gives good counsel,

And the compassionate friend;

These four are friends indeed,

The wise understand this

And attend on them carefully,

Like a mother her own child."

Keep your distance from bad friends and cherish the good ones. Don't trust bad friends and trust your good friends as far as you dare and feel comfortable with.

All too often we tend to think and say things about other people, where at the end of the day all we have to do is accept them for who they are and just look at how they treat us.