Acceptance

A huge part of making a long distance relationship work is accepting the fact that you are now in a long distance relationship and, for better or worse, some things are bound to change from your average relationship. Whether you resist and fight these changes or accept and embrace them will go a long way to determining the success of your relationship. For example, you may not be able to talk and discuss things as much as you are used to. This may mean you are not as up to date with the day to day intricacies of your partner’s life and there may be things/people that you would normally expect to know and be familiar with in your partner’s world which you may not be. But remember this is not your partner’s fault and nor is it yours!! The reality of the situation is that, for the time being, you two have less time to talk about life and as a result you may feel a little more distant from your partner. This is unfortunately unavoidable. But the worst thing that you can do is fight this change and take the sadness and disappointment out on each other. Instead, accept this inevitable change and embrace it and you will find that, with a little time, you will adjust and become used to the new light on your relationship and things will become easier.

Understanding

Your partner and you may now be living quite different lives in many ways. With this long distance between you it can be difficult to remember and understand what life is like for the other person? For instance, it might be Sunday evening where you are and the perfect time for a catch up about all the weekend’s goings on, but for your partner it is Monday morning already and the start of another busy working week and not such a great time for a chat. Or, to use another example, you might have arrived in an exciting new place meeting lots of exciting new people, however, for your partner who remains at home life is just the same, except without you and rather more lonely. Failing to understand your partner’s situation and needs may leave them feeling isolated and disillusioned with the direction of your new relationship. By trying to understand that your partner’s situation and understand what’s going on for them right now you will continue to make them feel valued and appreciated.

Communication

As with any other relationship communication is important. But the distance between your partner and you will mean that now more than ever communicating your feelings is crucial if you are to make this relationship work. Consider how much of our face to face communication occurs through non-verbal communication, such as a smile or a frown, however, when the only line of communication your partner and you have is the telephone or the internet then the telling smile or the silent tears go completely unnoticed. This means that if there is something wrong, or if you think there might be something wrong with your partner you have to ask and you have to tell with words. You must try to tell each other what is going on in order that you can help each other. Honesty and forwardness in your verbal communication will make life simpler and easier for you both, you will better understand each others feelings and with all this information you can continue to make the right decisions to keep your relationship moving forward. Without effective communication vital information is lost and as a result the correct decisions are harder to find.

Opportunity

Okay, so your partner is not going to be around so much for a while? At first this may seem daunting but the key here is not to dwell on the negative thoughts. Sure we all miss our partners when we can’t be with them but did you ever stop to think of the positive possibilities? Let me show you what I mean. Have you ever had that thought when something really takes your interest and you think “I’d love to know how to do that” or “Wow! That’s cool! I’d love to try that!” Sure, we all have. But in our busy lives we never get the time, right? Wrong! Scrub out the couple of evenings a week you have pencilled in for a DVD night with your partner and cross through that romantic Sunday afternoon stroll around the park and grab that bull by the horns and get stuck into some of these things you’ve been daydreaming about!! Engage yourself in new and exciting, things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the time. Lets face it, relationships need a lot of time but now you have a little more time to yourself so get out there and use it to your advantage rather than focusing in on the negative aspects of long distance relationships. What’s more these new exciting things you are doing will hopefully put a smile on your face and when you bring that positive and happy energy with you to your communications with your partner the whole experience should feel a little easier and a little brighter. If they can sense you are happy, it should make them happy too.

Trust

This is the key. Being away from your partner, especially if you are used to being very close, can raise issues of trust in your relationship. And understandably so, you are not there so much to experience with your own senses and consequently you are far more reliant on your partner and their communications with you. But you must learn to trust your partner, trust their intentions and take them at their word. To question their every movement or think over their every word will drive you to distraction and in turn will drive a wedge between your partner and you. If your partner feels they are not trusted this may hurt them and trigger feelings of resentment towards you. Furthermore, if we search endlessly for reasons to mistrust someone they will most probably validate your mistrust eventually. However, if you place your faith in someone you may be surprised with how often that faith is repaid. A lack of trust brings with it a constant stream of questions in your mind that will consume your view of the relationship and begin to wear you, your partner and your relationship down. You simply have to take the plunge and learn to trust your partner completely. If you feel you cannot afford your partner the level of trust your long distance relationship needs to make it work then you may need to re-think your compatibility.

Long distance relationships can be really difficult to work through but by taking on board some of this advice and adding a sprinkle of luck you CAN make your long distance relationship work!