Well, lets be honest, the simple honest answer is that you can't. And in reality do you really want to? I will be writing about kids under the age of 5. As they get older the things I am going to say are irrelevant by that time. If you don't start teaching them how to communicate before then it is not impossible, but it is a very hard road!

I know it is embarrassing when they do act out, but especially at a young age, what else do they know? One of the key things I continue to remind myself of, is the fact that at young ages 2-3 it isn't that they are choosing to not listen to you, they can't.

Children's entire being is in the moment good or bad they are in that moment and until they are older they can't verbalize what they are trying to tell you. You have to have patience and understanding to let them see the "correct" way to communicate.

If our young children did everything we ever said and "listened" all the time how would they ever figure out their boundaries and autonomy? This is the time we can embed in them the things that we find the most important, for us that is love, understanding, and open communication. We use positive reinforcement most of the time, when Caroline exhibits negative behavior we just ignore it and move onto something different with her. Again, they are in the moment, just as quickly as they get amped up they also can switch to laughing.

Now with all of that being said, there are also times that there is no debate and those times she does have to listen to us. For example: she is not allowed to touch light sockets, when she is on a boat she must wear a life jacket, she is not allowed to walk on asphalt (that is our line for the street), things that are truly important.

Pick your battles, this way when you do lay down the law they know that they do have to listen to you. My mother considers it a payback for when my brother and I were young!

The way to continue this through their life is to understand you have to respect the child if you want them to respect you. Children grow up so fast now, that they need to know they are valued and respected so they can come to you and you can help them to make good decisions when they come up. And that you understand they will make mistakes as they get older and that is OK too!

So I guess the simplest way to put it is if you want your children to listen to, you have to listen to them. What may seem like a tantrum or disobedience is really they are trying to tell us something. Take a moment, get down on their level, listen to them, tell them you understand, and then help to divert them to something more positive that you want them to focus on.