If only there really was a "one size fits all" way of preparing for stepchildren. Although each situation really requires an individual approach, there are some general things one can do to prepare for the arrival of a stepchild into your newly blended family.

As a mother of 3 and stepmother of 1, the most important lesson I have learned is Communication, Communication, Communication. If you and your spouse do not know how to communicate effectively with each other your marriage either will not last very long, or will be a miserable one. You will have to communicate about your feelings for each other, your feelings towards each other's children, and how to handle problems within the family as they arise.

Talk to your spouse about each other's expectations. Here are some examples of things to discuss together:

1. Who should handle discipline? Do you believe only the biological parents should be in charge of deciding and administering discipline? (Not necessarily spanking, either. I'm talking any form -- time-outs, lectures, grounding, etc.)

2. What should the child call the stepparent? This is something that the other biological parent may take issue with as well. Think about how this will make them feel.

3. Do you have other children with someone else, or with your spouse? If so, there needs to be a discussion of how the other children will be treated when the stepchild is around. Hopefully, everything will be equal, but many times, the non-custodial parent feels a lot of guilt which sometimes will cause him/her to unwittingly give preferential treatment to your stepchild even when the other children are present. You definitely do not want your other children to feel like second-best.

4. Another discussion should be about the amount of time your stepchildren will be with you. If your spouse-to-be doesn't have full custody already, ask him/her if that is something they will want to pursue at some point. This way, you will not feel like you are being hit with a ton of bricks when this comes up since there will most likely be legal issues and costs involved, not to mention the fact that you may now have the child(ren) with you most, if not all, of the time.

These are just some suggestions on getting started with the communication process with your spouse. I cannot put enough emphasis on being open with each other. Marriage itself already takes a lot of work. To add children from a previous relationship to that equation means that you will have to work twice as hard. Remember, the divorce rates for second marriages are much higher than they are for first ones.

In Part II, I will discuss preparing yourself mentally and emotionally.