First, I don't have any kids, and I don't have one on the way. Someone sent me this question, I figured I'd weigh in. That said, I have heard a few things from people I know, including my parents that are good tips for when the occasion strikes.

Do Your Research. Read the baby books, learn some of the medical things that are going on while the fetus, or baby, gestates. (Grows in the womb. I know, I don't really need to explain, but you have to remember that some people just don't like to read or hear anything beyond "when that there ding dang is a growjamatating in her that there tummy place." ) You should do your damn research in ny event of a big decision or event. Be prepared, people! Buying a house? Do your research. Getting married? Do your research. Having a baby is no exception.

Next, start saving money, if possible. Kids are very expensive, and they live forever. (Palahniuk reference.) Start looking for a good job, and no, good does not mean "I finally make more than minimum wage!" I mean find a career. And find it quick. The more stable you are, the better it is for your child's well being, because steady paychecks, insurance, these are good things. They are good thing, period, even if you aren't having a kid.

Also, Grow the heck up. You have/are having a child. This means that clubbing 5 nights a week is right out. You are responisble for a whole other life, and living yours like a plastered frat bro is NOT going to cut it anymore. If you have a relationship with the mother/father, you need to cultivate it. Even if the normal Mom/Dad/Baby picket fence with the dog and keeping up with the Joneses thing doesn't work out, then you need to be able to maintain a working relationship with them. It would have helped if someone had given certain celebrities these clues. Or a good whupping to put the fear of God into them. Knock off the smoking, the drugs (if you choose these activities), get yourself healthy, and stop being an idiot. Cliff jumping may be fun, but funerals are not. Especially if you leave children behind. Get life insurance. Act like a responsible adult. If you cannot, then you probably should not reproduce. Do the gene pool a favor.

What else? You may want to trade in the two seater sports car for a sensible sedan. I know you love your miata, but first if you're a dude and driving one, you have other problems, but second, get something safe. I don't mean you have to go out and plunk down 40 grand on a minivan, but find something sensible. A Honda or Toyota is perfectly fine. I also don't mean you have to get a granny or total suburban tool vehicle, but anything with a decent crash test rating and four doors. And No, anything GEO may not be a great idea. And in this economy, for the love of God do NOT go and buy the $50,000 brand, spanking new 40 cyclinder SUV that you have to fill up when you get out of the driveway. The only people that need a tank or an armored personnel carrier is THE ARMY. You don't. The people who need a full size truck are the people who use it for work. If you don't, then DON'T get one. People who need a major four wheel drive are people who use them to get to work, like loggers. If you live in the city, you DON'T. You DO need to learn how to drive safely, though.

Home Improvements are also good. (More Power!!) You're going to need a crib, monitors, and stuff for baby, like a high chair, toys, diaper hamper and station and other stuff. Baby proof things, like rounding off sharp corners, and anything that can fall over and break stuff easily has to be put away. Also, get yourself used to the idea that the kid is GOING to mess with your place. Its an infant; how do you expect them to know when they're being "that guy?" You may also have to acquaint yourself with the notion of getting rid of your cat. If you're the handy man type, you can build a lot of this stuff for cheap, and still have it look good.

What else? Look yourself in the eye and realize that life as you knew it is over. A child is the biggest mental hose job in the world. Don't go crazy. Get a grip. Maintain.

Last but not least, do the rest of the world this favor. Resolve to love your child, respect them, raise them right, raise them to be responsible, and please, in the name of all that is holy, teach them to be QUIET IN PUBLIC!!