Flirting for some people is natural. It is one of the ways they communicate. Flirting is not something limited to either men only or women only. Flirting occurs across ages, gender, cultures, ethnicity, and religious groups. Although there are cultural differences in what consitutes flirting, the behavior of flirting is universal. Although flirting is natural, knowing the difference between innocent and dangerous flirting can keep the flirting from becoming a mating dance or fertilitly ritual. 

A handsome man often attracts flirting responses from surrounding females. Although a majority of the flirting gestures may have innocent intentions, there is always a potential for the relationship to turn into something more serious. Learning how to tell the difference between innocent flirting and potentially dangerous flirting can help avert potentially dangerous situations.

Some women choose to use flirting as their primary way of dealing with men. Flirting often involves a series of non-verbal gestures directed at the man. They may be a simple as a glance or changes in their tone of voice. As with many forms of communication, if the message is ignored by the husband, flirting dissipates. It is when the husband acknowledges or feeds into the flirting that it continues. It is also important to consider the cultural context of the ‘flirting’. In some parts of the country, waitresses often use terms like ‘handsome’ or ‘sweetie’ as part of their natural routine. When such terms are combined with other flirting gestures, then there is some need for concern.

Some of the innocent non-verbal signals include:

1. Overly sweet or syrupy tone of voice
2. Tilting of the head when they speak.
3. Giving an affirmative look.
4. Nodding the head.

      5.   Leaning toward the person.

When flirting goes from eliciting acknowledgements of attractiveness to seductive gestures, there is cause for concern. Dangerous flirting starts to occur when the talk becomes ‘sexualized’ or filled with double-meanings that could have sexual overtones. When such changes occur, there is a definite change in the relationship from innocent to intentional. Such behaviors typically occur when the innocent signals have been acknowledged and replied to.

Besides the changes in what is talked about, there are also behavioral signs that the flirting has become more serious. Instead of a passing glance, there is a deliberate focusing of attention on the husband. There may be a purchasing of drinks. Each drink purchased raises the possibility of danger to a greater degree. There may also be ‘preening gestures’.

Preening gestures are those behaviors where a person is actively communicating that they are making themselves look good for their flirting playmate. This includes brushing the clothes, touching the hair with their hand and more tossing of the head when talking to or looking at the other person.

When the touching advances from ‘preening’ to stroking arms, legs or face, the flirting has reached a dangerous level. The danger is intense when the touching has sexual connotations to it. Such actions send the message-“I want to do this to you!” A gesture that often occurs in this class of action is the pursing and licking of the lips. This is accentuated when the flirter caresses their drink or cigarette in a slow suggestive manner.

The flirting is definitely overheated when the flirting signals include overtly sexual gesturing. When the flirter begins pointing to highlighting or displaying the sexual aspects of their body, you are in the danger zone. The danger is intense if the husband responds and begins shifting his body to appear more muscular and drawing attention to their physical attributes.

In dealing with flirting, prevention is always preferred to trying to deal with it when it has become dangerous. The best way is to ignore it and to encourage your husband to ignore it as well. When the signals are ignored, they often diminish. When they are acknowledged in either a positive or negative manner, they may continue.

When husbands are habitual flirters, it may be necessary to have them use caution in where they go. They may need to avoid restaurants, clubs, and gathering places that are high risk. They may need to stay in groups in order to diminish the possibility of flirting behavior getting out of hand.

When intervention is needed, it helps to block or break the eye contact between the husband and the flirter. If blocking the flirter does not work, you may need to change your seat, change the topic of conversation or even leave with him where you are at. If you ignore the flirting, but your husband plays along, you are in a two against one situation. You will want to have a clear idea of where you draw your boundaries and stick with them. Some wives are not bothered by innocent flirting.

One of the concerns about flirting that is rarely discussed is the attitude of the husband. When he goes into public places looking for something, he will often find it. When men have wandering eyes, they see things. The grass often looks greener elsewhere. When their eyes, heart and mind are focused on their wives, there is no fertile ground for the flirting to take root.