How to reduce number of divorces? Men or women who is more responsible for divorces?
74How to reduce the divorce rate?
Well, this has been an issue for some time. I'm certain a lot of people have ideas about this that lean towards religious totalitarianism, and you will not be finding that here. At all. It's not that I hate religion, or that I'm an atheist, which I'm not, but I am not the one to say that I think we need to legislate one set of moral/cultural values and superimpose them onto everybody else. Fair enough?
How to reduce the numer of divorces...well, it's fairly simple. As anyone knows, when you get married or enter into a committed relationship you basically take on the responsibility of making everything a two way street. Communication, people! It goes two ways. If the communication machine is firing on all eight cylinders, then you have that much going for you.
A lot of people, no doubt, like to tirade and carry on about how the world is going straight down the tubes, and that everybody has lost their moral values. If this is you, you may want to get checked out by a doctor for Chronic Idiocy. The rise in the divorce rate is reducable in the following manners:
First is Less Marriage. If most people were to say "Whoa Nelly!" and think about what they were doing before they did it, then we wouldn't have so many marriages failing. If you take into account the number of people that got engaged after 6 months or less of dating before marriage, then, well you may have something there. If there is prevalence amongst those that get married with less than 6 months of dating getting divorced, then there's probably a chance that if people made sure to be with someone for more than a year before popping the question, there might be less divorce there, since the honeymoon period will have worn off by then. Summation: If couples took more time before they got hitched, there would be fewer marriages, and probably fewer divorces. You can't get engaged after two months! What would you be thinking?
Next, changing the legal age requirement. You can get married by 18, and as young as 16 by waiver. Whoa! Teenagers, by and large, are idiots! What in anybody's right mind thinks that two 18 year olds, fresh out of high school, can handle that kind of responsibility and commitment? Most of us have enough trouble with boyfriends and girlfriends by 30, than a wife or husband at 18! The amount of change an individual goes through between the ages of 18 to 21 are substantive enough, let alone 18 - 25. Therefore, I believe that the Legal Age for Marriage be raised to 25. Why? This more or less makes people grow up a little bit more, before they make that huge step. Hardly anybody is ready for it by that age, anyway, but a 25 year old woman or man is far more capable than an 18 year old boy or girl. Now I don't want to be guilty of discrimination on basis of age, so make waivers available, but perhaps a little more difficult to obtain. Some kind of screening process.
Also, I think making divorces a little harder to get wouldn't be a bad idea. However, that being said, I do know that it just sometimes isn't meant to work out, and I accept that. However, there are quite a few divorces that happen that could have been avoided if both parties were a little more willing to work things out than going straight to the easy option. Once again, nothing in life is worth having unless you are willing to do the work. Also, when it comes to abuse and infidelity....if you say you love somebody, how can you do that sort of thing? I can't see myself laying a hand on my wonderful woman to do her harm. The thought of it makes me sick. Divorce in those cases I think are a bit more justified, and don't get off on the stupid fot thinking that those two things have gone up because everyone has lost their values. I heard horror stories of infidelity, abuse, alcoholism, the works, from both of my parents about their parents who were alive, well, working, and married in that Golden Age of the 50s that never really existed the way a lot of people like to think that they did. To sum up, I don't like divorce rates being as high as they are, but that being said, I don't think anyone should be forced to live in a situation that isn't healthy for them.
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Well this hub seems to be more from the western concept of pre marital rituals ,marriage and divorce.... Now coming to my background I am a 25 year old single hindu girl from India. I don't think raising the marital age would solve the problem. I mean in most of the religions marriage is an oath/ceremony taken with God as a witness hence it is most sacred. We can fail each other but breaking that oath(divorce) we fail GOD. Two individuals are bound to have differences but the point is not to look at the differences but find a common ground and build up on it. If we look closely we will find differences even between our left and right eyebrow but that is not the point. Once married this is it for a life time for good or bad that is our karma which we have to deal with. And once kids arrive on the scene then our individual identities need to take the backseat and focus on a common goal to see their better future.
Ofcourse my mother always gave my dad the utmost respect since she used to say that if she changes her priorities due to kids then the husband feels he is being marginalized then the husband tends to distance themselves from the wife and kids altogether. My views are from my eastern background but I would like to add none of my family members have ever been divorced. I guess our society operates differently then other societies in certain ways.
Christine, thanks for your comment. I didn't really try to say which gender is to blame, because usually there is blame on both sides, and I agree wholeheartedly that listening is also vital, as well as ethics and values. What I meant about the "ethics and values" side is that I happen to hear a lot of noise about how our culture has lost all of its values, when in actuality A. values change over time (as with any society, culture is never static; its in a constant state of flux) and B. that point of view is espoused by every generation about the next one, and the really smart people will tell you its usually a crock!
Countrywomen - I love getting a perspective from someone with a different cultural background. Thank you very much! I agree with most of your points of view - marriage should be for life, and people do have to be able to work through their problems, especially if children are involved, and the relationship does not end with having children. I think that most teenagers or people lacking much maturity, couples who haven't dated for very long and therefore don't know their partner well enough, coupled with the ease of securing a divorce are contributing factors. And yes, individualism is a very Western point of view. However, having seen it happen, I really don't think that abuse, physical or otherwise, is anything that someone should have to take from their spouse, or their parent, regardless. If you really respect someone, you won't do that to them, and if you respect yourself, you won't take it, and you won't let your children see you take it or take it themselves. And for the record, I know the difference between discipline and abuse. That being said, thank you for your comment and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.
Well done, KDorfman, great hub. I also have the opinon that here on the West we need to become much more mature for getting married...It would be less problems, less divorces. Unfortunately our biology pushes people into the marriage very early, because young age is the best for procreation, but not for raising up the children. People choose partners on hormonal level, when hormones change, there is no real interest any more.
Dear Countrywoman, the type of marriage you describe it would be the highest ideal for everybody if the both partners love and respect each other. But people here intensively started to divorse after World War Two. There is no security for marriage, or family, with vow or without it. This is the fact. Our karma is to learn the lesson of individuality as well and to accept it. If this would not be our karma, all this divorses would not happen: God is too perfect, there is no mistake. Now is a chaos, but we will find the balance finaly: maturity seems to me as best solution for people from western part of the world.
Being child of divorsed parents is not easy, but is path on which one can learn a lot...God is always with us, whatever desicion we make, whatever path we walk, God never let us down.
Great Hub, great topic,we need to discuss all these problems, and find the way we can successfully cooperate between opposite sexes and develope mutual respect, love and deep understanding.
Thank you very much,KD...
christine almaraz says:
13 months ago
I think both sexes are to blame. Insecurities are at the top of my list. If you're secure in who you are, I think it makes life easier. You're more open to discuss and work through problems because you have no fear of being wrong. I'm wrong alot of the time but I wouldn't know it unless I was open enough to listen. You're right, communication is key but so is listening and knowing right from wrong. Ethics and self value are vital for the survival of a relationship. If you have those three things in you before you get into a commitment, the odds of you being able to stay in long term relationships are pretty high.