Affairs shake relationships and people to their core.People survive earthquakes, and relationships can survive affairs.Like the earthquake, the breach of trust that occurs in an affair damages the whole foundation of the marriage.

Although the foundation of the marriage is damaged, the reality is that you and your wife will continue having a relationship. The question of concern is "What kind of relationship will you have with your wife?". Once the foundational trust is damaged, it is impossible to go back to the kind of relationship you had before. After an affair occurs, the spouses are often uneasy and wonder in the back of their mind if it could happen again. The mental safety and emotional security associated with the trust has also been damaged.When your wife is late, your thoughts often consider scenarios that you previously would not have considered.When she takes a call, you wonder if it is another man. The peace of mind you once enjoyed is no longer there.

In going through the recovery, it is important to tell yourself the truth about what happened. You need to be honest with yourself about what actually happened and what was done to you. Since affairs are highly emotional, the emotions often make the reactions extreme and create damages and wounds that were not actually inflicted. Seperating out what was actually done versus what you thought was done or why it was done is important.

Once you tell yourself the truth, you will also need to tell your wife the truth about what you think and what you feel. Besides being honest with her, you will need to be open to and accept her honesty as well. You may not agree with what she has to say, but you will need to hear her out.

Affairs are often driven by fantasies. These fantasies concern how the 'affair' will fix a perceived problem. You will need to hear out you wife on what she sees as the problem and how the affair was seen to 'fix' the problem. These are often hard to hear, but it is important to hear out.

Your wife will also need to see that you are commited to the relationship and commited to her. This commitment often needs to be restated for reassurance purposes. Wifes often hear a great deal of talk. They need action+talk. Rather than just tell her that you are commited, you will need to show her.

With the honesty and commitment, you will need to have good communication. Couples can survive an affair when they have honesty, commitment and communication. Communication often becomes the foundation of the new relationship after the affair. Rather than have a relationship based on trust with many unspoken assumptions, you will need one where assumptions are discussed along with the needs of each of the spouses. Such communication will enhance the intimacy within the relationship.

A metaphor that helps illustrate what can be is the scar tissue that develops in the aftermath of a wound. The tissue is often tougher than the previous tissue. This tougher tissue pulls the skin tighter and holds the seperate parts more firmly than the original tissue did. Honesty is often tough to hear and tough to speak, yet it is a necessary requirement for the couple to pull themselves together in the aftermath of infidelity.