Love doesn't disappear, it just gets obscured by hopelessness.

At first everything is shiny and new, but sooner or later we encounter the reality of who the other person really is. Part of what we fall in love with is a fantasy in our head or an old family drama...not who the other person is.

After a while, we start to notice how the other person isn't living up to our vision of the ideal relationship. So then there is a choice: Either love what you see, or try to change them into what you envision. I recommend the first choice, because the second is full of booby traps.

Whether you are the one that wants to make the changes, or the one who doesn't feel like making changes the other person wants, the disagreement forms what I call a "sticking point." Neither person gives up wanting things their way. Another word for it is impasse. When an impasse is reached, it creates a barrier to the experience of love. Over time more and more of these accumulate.

Sometimes you can reverse the process by talking things through, but not always. In the best of situations, two people sit down together and go over their expectations and dealbreakers together and either make it happen or give up making demands. If two can really compromise and genuinely let go space for love is created.

However, sometimes working it out can't be accomplished, either because one or both feel wronged and want to make the other person feel bad about it, or sometimes because there simply isn't enough of the necessary ingredients to fulfill both people's needs. If that's the case, then it is time to say goodbye.

Sometimes what it takes is a structured argument. Here are the rules for that:

Make sure neither party has to go anywhere because you need to stay in the conversation until you are completely complete.

Both people have pad and pencil to write things down while the other talks. You need this because NO INTERRUPTING is a necessary rule.

One person at a time says everything they need to say until they are done, and then switch. (Soemtimes it is good to have a tennis ball or something that the speaker keeps until they give their turn to the other person)

(Misunderstandings and falsehoods will come out of people's mouths. When they do, make a note, but DON'T INTERRUPT)

Keep talking and switching until you are completely complete. You can tell when this happens because the only thing left to say is "I love you."