You are actively parenting at all times. Children are looking at you from the start. They see the amount of time you spend with them. They see the struggles you may be having. They see the stress you carry, even if you think you hide it well. They feel the joy of making great choices.

Starting early is key, "NO" should not be their first word. Yes, you have to train them to be safe and smart. I started with the hug. As a investigating toddler, my daughter would try to get into everything. Of course, this means she wanted to put everything in her mouth. Dirt, small coins, bugs, dog food at grandma's could have been problems. I (with out getting loud) would tell her something like "that is not for eating" and physically guide her to put it down. Anyone with a child knows this is not the end. As she would persist, I would (remaining calm) repeat as much as she did. Until, she would get cranky. As the tantrum started I would holder in a caring hug repeating "it is OK not to eat that". The first few times were about 20 minutes for her to tire herself out. Soon, by the fifth or sixth time, she learned she was not going to be allowed to eat stuff off the floor.

This calm steadfastness has been the cornerstone of or discipline. We remain consistent. We have had two occasions, as she has grown, to remind her of responsibility and consequences. Sure a few groundings here and there. But for the big reminders we had her donate every toy, taking everything from her room leaving only a sleeping bag, tooth, and hair brush. Only twice, for her to understand the difference between earning something and getting something. If we allow our children to get so much stuff with out teaching them this, we set them up to fail in the real world.

You can tell the kids that have been raised by an unbalanced "friend" relationship with their parents. They feel they are somehow entitled to get what ever they want. With out every thing they desire, they feel victimised. Like society has left them behind. We must teach our children how to fly on their own creating the life they want. Not just hand it to them and wonder why they can't stand on their own.

Give them the opportunity to learn from your mistakes(age appropriately). When you get a traffic ticket, let them know how much you have to pay for your mistake. How many hours do you have to work to replace that fine? How many hours of work did you have to miss to take care of it? Insurance cost rising? Let them see beyond their toys, TV, music, etc. They learn as much or as little as we allow.

So be brave, be consistent, be loving, be a PARENT. Sure occasionally they will not like the situation and maybe even say something really mean. That just increases the consequences, just like striking the cop giving you a ticket would. Its just the smart thing to do. Train them to make good choices more often than bad ones and they survive well on their own.

Very Best Wishes