How to spice up a dead sex life....with your prude wife
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Reconnecting With Your Wife Sexually
So, you’re wondering how to spice up your dead sex life with your prude wife. If your sex life is dead, it is might be really easy to say that your partner is a prude. But that might not be the case. More often a dead sex life is a symptom of an unhappy relationship. It doesn’t mean the relationship is over, but it does mean there are problems.
The first thing you should do is observe your partner. Notice what they are doing. If your wife is doing the lion’s share of the housework, help out at home. Many women have stated the best foreplay is when their husband cleans the house. The reason is two-fold. It makes women feel appreciated; that they are more than a maid. It also makes them less tired at the end of the day. However, you cannot think of it as I’ve done this for you, now put out. It’s an investment—relationship building.
Women also appreciate it when men help out with the children. Women need to have time to be themselves. To talk to other adults. To go to the bathroom alone. To eat a meal that is at the temperature it is supposed to be at. When your children are especially young, women need a break from all the touching. The last thing a woman wants is to be touched, if she hasn’t had a break from touching all day. Most women will say that nothing is sexier than a man who takes an active role in caring for his children.
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There is still more actions needed to get your sex life back on track. Listen to your wife. Really listen. What is it that is on her mind? Does she miss working? Did she miss out on a promotion? Would she rather be a stay at home mom? Has she been wanting to take up a new hobby? Whatever is going on in her mind, she needs to know that you care. She doesn’t need to be told that she is loved (although that can’t hurt); she needs to feel your love.
Next, take action to make your wife feel sexy. Compliment her. Tell her she is beautiful. Don’t just say it to say it, but mean it. If she just got a new haircut and you hate it, don’t tell her you hate it, but don’t tell her you love it either. Find something genuine. Tell her you love the way her eyes sparkle. Compliment her laugh or smile. Tell her you enjoy her cooking. Simply say thank you for being there.
Touch your wife. Do not be sexual in touching her, but sweet and caring. Put your hand on her back. Hold her hand while watching TV. Hug her goodbye. Quit trying to put the moves on her. After a few days, kiss your wife passionately without trying to go beyond kissing. What makes teenagers and those who start dating so hot for each other is that no one expects to have sex in the beginning. By taking things slow, you heat up your sex life and reignite the passion.
Do not expect anything to happen overnight. This is a slow process. One that will pay off in droves if you have the patience. The more you think of her, the more she will think of you.
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Comments
Sexless--I'm sorry for your experience. However, as the author, I'd like to point out that I am not saying it is ANYONE's fault. When a couple doesn't match sexually, it is never a good thing. Rather than blame your wife, perhaps you should seek couple's therapy. There could be some underlying issues. Maybe your wife was raped in the past or molested as a child and can't get past the memories. Or maybe your wife doesn't enjoy the same things in bed as you do. Or she just isn't comfortable for some reason. Therapy can help you get to bigger, deeper underlying issues if it isn't just the case of a rut--which is what the article focuses on.
Or maybe, you aren't speaking your wife's love language--which was the bigger part of my article. Romance doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. Not every woman likes flowers; I don't. As a matter of fact, I get irritated when I am given flowers or plants. It just means I have to take care of them and I'd like less work in my life, not more. I bake. When I was having a hard time finding a particular kitchen tool, my husband went out of his way to find someone who could special order it and then gave it to me (and not for any occasion, just because). That was the most romantic, thoughtful thing he had ever done for me.
I also don't necessarily enjoy the "big night out" because it is so much work to get there, I'm exhausted by the time it starts and then have to worry about getting back in time for the sitter. I like nights "in" where I get to relax while my husband puts the kids to bed and then it is just the two of us.
Every person and every relationship is different. There is no one size fits all, but this does address the majority of issues in most marriages experiencing a rut.
I think you wrote a great hub, Lelah! You hit some really great points.
Marriage is something we have to work at. When the teenage hormone stuff settles down, real life hits and we have to adapt. Communication is the key, I think. We can't just tuck our tails and pout that our husbands don't always instinctively know what we want and what we need.
You did good, Lelah!
A subject dear to this uh, man's heart. I have never had a prudish woman, knew of some and just left them cold. hehe My wife and I are not err, doing it anymore, but we have real love and affection. Holding hands, hugs, kisses that are what older couples give and i pinch her butt or fondle a boob often, and pat the other good nite. Alas, I wish for more, but the time comes when that passes and love has matured. I do most of the domestic stuff as she works and i can't. I listen, one must do that with any woman for life to be bearable, I care and I tell her sweet things in her ear, but it tickles her. haha Sex was just great when we had it, but we are fine now without it. I love her
Great advice and great hub thanks now
Great hub, Lelah! You hit some really great points. sharing chores of house is best recipe
I agree with Sexless, life is a two way street. I, like Sexless am tired of bending over backwards to make my wife happy and satisfied. In my opinion it also comes down do how we take care of ourselves as well. When my wife and I were dating she was extremely attractive and took care of her self, now, after the "wedding cake disease" set in, she no longer takes care of herself and actually looks like hell. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it. My wife is so prude that I am surprised we don't sleep in other beds. But yet you say make sure she is taken care of, do things for her, clean the house etc etc.. Trust me, I have done it all and still lie in bed at night dreaming of when it will all end. If she doens't do it at home, I will find someone else who will.
More than a man who helps around the house, what turns me on is a man who makes me feel like a Sex Goddess. A woman that feels sexy and believes that she is a sex bomb acts like one for her own pleasure and the pleasure of her partner.
All the answers you find in the books and on the internet are all the same--do this, do that, help out more, do the laundry, clean the kitchen, give you wife time alone etc . . .. None of it works if your wife won't stop thinking about work all of the time. I listen to her all the time go on and on about her work. We can be in bed holding, cuddling and having some awesome foreplay and out of the blue she will bring up work. I get sick of it. I would do anything in the world that she would like me to to provide her personal pleasure--sexual or not. I can share things that would give me pleasure, and she is not willing to do any of it. All the advice you find pretty much says to do things for you wife and she will become sexual with you. None of it ever says that the wife ever has to do anything for the husband. Doing all the things you suggest just pretty much comes with being a good husband, but does absolutely nothing for the sex life. We always have to provide all of this nurturing and romantic stuff for the woman, but sometimes the man needs to be accepted and satisfied sexually to provide these things to his wife. A man feels loved and needed when he feels like his wife wants him sexually and is willing to spend time having a quality sexual relationship.
I have concluded that women don't need sex, they just need someone to listen to them and tell them good night, but don't touch them cause they really are not interested in sex.
Why does everything that being with one person all the time is stimulaing. If anything it is boring, especially since diversity is the spice of life. If people where just wake up and realize that it is ok to have some adult fun sometime with other couples, then there would be more happy couples.
Besides, once a women has kids or hits the wall, what good is she anyway?
Sexless says:
8 months ago
Nice how people always want to put the whole thing on the man. Maybe this is the actualy problem -- the real reason so many people seem to be so dissatisfied with their sex life. People give all the work to the man and permit the wife all the excuses.
My wife was prude from day one, and she has no intention of changing that. I used to think that she would eventually become comfortable with the whole sex thing. So in the meantime I just applied myself to doing all the "right" things to give her a happy marriage. Eventually, I figured my time would come as well.
Wrong. After years of this I would literally find myself getting angry when I was out buying flowers, a card, or planning a special date. Angry because I was so sexually deprived and realizing that life was not going to change.
So women, time to loose the attitude of "if my husband does this or that or the other I might consider his needs". News flash -- it is a two way street. Just like you are more willing to sexually satisfy your husband when he is taking care of your needs -- your husband is more willing to take care of your needs if you are sexually satisfying him.
Think my wife still gets all of the romantic attention I lavished on her the first 5 years of our marriage? Nope. Not because I'm selfish, but because I simply can not do it anymore.
Think my wife would get tons of romance, loving, non-sexual touching, and all the other stuff if I wasn't walking around horney out of my mind all the time? Oh yes, you bet she would!