Your child goes to war; how do you cope?

It's unimaginable what someone in the military experiences while away at war. Similarly, If you're the parent, and it's your child going, you may have to go through a painful, emotional process while waiting to be reunited. Below are some tips to help survive this life-jarring event from a parent who has watched her own child go to war--twice.

1. Every feeling you experience is normal. It's all part of the uncertainty of your child being away at war; nothing on earth can compare.

2. Its not possible to just erase your feelings. You can't rearrange the perfectly normal reactions to a child being away at war, in hopes of allowing the world to, "deal" with you better. You feel this way for a reason and it's up to others to understand. It is unfathomable that anyone having a child in harms way wouldn't feel the same way.

3. Consider changing jobs. If you're not permitted to share with your supervisor the fact that you may have difficult days because your child is away at war, consider leaving. It is impossible to separate the concern for your child, from your work obligations and an uncaring work situation can make matters worse. Thoughts about your son/daughters welfare infiltrate every part of your life and you need a lot of support. Ask yourself, at a time like this, is it really in your best interest to have the added stress of being in an unsupportive workplace?

4. Respecting your own need for more rest is crucial. There may be days you require more sleep and/or relaxing activities. Lengthy time periods may pass before hearing from your son/daughter & this can add loads of 'hidden' stress to your body. Take the time for that long walk by the beach; hot shower; or even just more sleep time. Staying strong helps everyone involved in this incredibly difficult situation.

5. Walk away. If someone makes a insensitive comment regarding the war, and you're within ear-shot, just turn your back and walk away. Yes, there are unscrupulous individuals out there that have nothing better to do than state their opinions on the war in an outlandish fashion, and there are also people who say things while not meaning any harm. Right now, it's all about keeping your stress level to the bare minimum, and unfortunately, taking an insensitive individual to task simply takes too much energy.

6. Reconsider your friends. If anyone in your life cannot understand, even remotely--what you are going through, consider what this person's presence means in your life and whether you need them or not. First of all, you wake up daily with the knowlege your son/daughter is in harms way; you have no idea how they are doing and furthermore, any number of things can happen in a war-zone. What person, in their right mind, wouldn't understand a parent's right to be hurt, angry, withdrawn, weepy or any myriad of other emotions that crop up?

7. Stay positive during your phone-calls with your child as much as possible. Let your son/daughter choose the topic of discussion as they may not have anyone else they trust enough to share their personal thoughts and concerns. If the subject gets deep, which, it often does, take a breath and just listen. Your child may need to vent about something and no action is needed on your part. Keep your composure for this short call. Then, when you hang up, fall apart if you wish.

8. News media, while informative, can also be an added source of stress. It's not that the information being reported is invalid or inaccurate--rather, it's simply that some of the material presented is highly alarming and you may not be prepared to hear the latest reports on these war-torn areas. That's O.K--Remember, the overall goal is to keep added stress at bay for the sake of everyone involved. Listen to the news only when you're ready.

9. Build a chain of communication within your childs immediate military command. Organization leaders are highly trained and often sympathetic regarding parental involvement and they are up-to-date on current events. They provide accurate facts about recent happenings in your childs location. Often, during their departure training exercises, your son/daughter has been instructed to provide parents with certain contact points and phone numbers.

10. Don't take it personal when trying to obtain the information regarding your childs welfare and it becomes difficult. Remember, you're dealing with information that has happened more than half a world away and it can take time to get the facts together. There may be a security issue surrounding certain data, and therefore, it cannot be released until a designated time-period has passed. This is in large part due to privacy reasons involving other families back home.

11. Finally, be patient, breathe and know you have a right to every feeling that comes your way. Staying as stress free as possible will allow for your frame of mind to be at its best for your son/daughters next phone-call!