How to tell your in a 'serious' relationship...and how to deal with it

The ‘serious’ stage of a relationship can happen pretty much anytime after the first three months (there may be a few rare cases when it happens before this time limit, however these are just that...rare cases), it might even take years! But this is the time when you are over the ‘honeymoon period’ of getting to know one another, and have stop searching for the endless delights that the other partner holds. Yes, their skin is lovely and soft, yes, their eyes really are deep blue...but you’ve also found out about their favourite sport-couch potatoing, and the fact their breath smells first thing in the morning. Lovely.

This is the stage where people usually break up, because they think the ‘spark has gone’ or ‘something’s changed’. In actual fact, nothing has changed, you’ve just grown more accustomed to your partner, and are actually starting the real part of the relationship...surely that’s to be applauded?

It is very rare that teenagers ever go beyond the ‘honeymoon period’, simply because your teenage relationships are meant to free, fun and nothing too serious, save that for when your fertility days are numbered, your grey hairs are appearing and you need a partner simply to support the finance.

But however, for those of you (teenage or not) who have reached the ‘serious’ aspect of your relationship, sit back, breathe, and relax...it’s all meant to happen.

First of all, how can you tell your relationship has taken the turn? How can you be sure those happy honeyed hours together can ever be rekindled? Well here are the signs to know that you’re in the deep end of the pool now...start swimming.

You feel perfectly comfortable letting your partner see you as if you’ve just got out of bed

Aka, looking shite! Hair all over the place, no makeup and trackies because it’s one of those days when your arse feels huge. If you can let anyone see you at this state of revulsion, then you can honestly say you feel secure enough in your relationship to realize your partner likes you for more than just you looks.

You just can’t be bothered to act lovey dovey all the time

Sure, we like cuddles and kisses, we like having cute texts sent to us. Of course we do! We love it! But there are those times when you do just feel like sitting there doing nothing in particular. It is not something your partner has done, your just having one of those bad days where you’re not really up for acting all smiley and happy. This shows you feel secure enough in your relationship to know you will be able to see your partner at another time, and there will be time to act lovey dovey. But for today, you’d really just rather idle your time away...can’t really be bothered to talk much. Sure, you can look back on those times when your guys where all hot and cold for each other EVERY minute of EVERY day, but now you’ve moved on to the time where you’ve got to like the person them self in order for your relationship to last.

You do get irritated with some of your partners habits...but you’re used to them

Sure, they do eat appallingly and they do have awful taste in music...and yeah, i guess i really do wish they wouldn’t snap their gum like that. But hey, they wouldn’t be the person you fell in love with if they didn’t. That’s just who they are. Maybe you would like to change them in an ideal world (no one’s perfect) but your content with what you have... rather the whole package, then none of it.

Your start talking about ‘the future’

This rarely happens till after the big year marker. It’s the time when you can’t picture life without your partner...it would just be...too empty, too strange. Too abnormal. So you do start talking about next year as if it was really possible, and start using what ‘we’ want, rather then what ‘i’ want.

You know when you’re going to see them

Like, every weekend. It’s just an unspoken event, you are going to see each other at that time, because you always do. Why change that pattern?

You do sometimes need space

I’m not saying that in a bad way, but c’mon, if you’re lucky enough to see your partner so often it does feel slightly weird to have time to yourself...at least until you can’t bear their absence. All those little things that you haven’t got round to doing finally get done, and you get them outta the way so you can see your partner again sooner.

You feel incomplete when they’re not with you

Something’s missing. Wallet? Check. Keys? Check. Phone? Check. Partner?...oh yeah. Sure, the ache of missing them has died down because you know they will always come back to you...but you still feel a little weird with them not there by your side.

You start talking like your living together

You know his/her house well. So well, it’s almost like your own. You walk in, wipe your feet and the conversation turns to right, you let the dogs out and i’ll make lunch. Serious? I think so.

Your money patterns change

You start thinking what they would like...even just little things like ‘would so and so like me in this’? Or not buying the latest gadget because you want to surprise your partner with his/her favourite meal on Friday night at that nice restaurant you remember him/her talking about.

They are constantly in your thoughts

You think about them all the time. It can range to anything, what you think your partner is doing right now to how to make your partner happy. They basically dominate your thoughts, and you consider what they would want when you make decisions.

You don’t get that jealous when they talk to other guys/girls

Sure, i guess you get a little envious because they’re not spending time with you, but you trust them enough to know they would never ever cheat on you.

So now if you’ve established your are in fact in a serious relationship, read on.

First you have to consider the obvious, do you want to be in a serious relationship with this person? Do you want him/her to dominate your life and spend pretty much most of your free time in their company? If the answer is yes, move on to step two.

Secondly, don’t assume this is because you are bored with your partner. These feelings are often confused with boredom and end with very messy break ups. These feelings should be identified sooner rather than later to save both of you the trouble. Now move on to stage three

Thirdly if you want your relationship to work, you have to work. Put in the effort to make it easy for both of you. Serious relationships don’t have to be ‘serious’, and the best ones work if both of you put in the effort to make your time together happy. Stage four,

Do something interesting together. Don’t stick to the old routines! Try something new and something you’ll both enjoy doing. Moving on to stage five

Share. Everything! Fears, doubts, secrets...your lunch. Don’t cut the person outta your life just because your know each well, keep each other informed on everything, don’t make them guess on things that are close to you.

Keep the excitement up. Keep them guessing on your next move by being spontaneous, surprise them! It could be anything, treats, a new place for your date or kissing them when they least expect it.

Don’t let your feelings become hidden. Keep telling them how special they are to you, and how much you love them. Because yes, everyone needs to be reminded.