How to Ask Someone Out

Why is it that the first tentative steps of a relationship are the hardest? That first phone call, first conversation, first time you say "I love you," and the first time you ask someone out on a date - is there anything you can to do make it all easier?

Well, as far as asking someone out on a date, the answer is yes! Here are some tips to help.

Do your homework. Ask around, observe, find out what he or she likes. Does she wear a t-shirt from the latest Broadway musical? Does he have a dog? Is she on the track team? Did you overhear him talking to a friend about a favorite kind of movie? Knowing little details like these will help you plan a date that he or she is bound to enjoy! Which leads to...

Have a plan. Whether you're thirteen or thirty, have a plan in mind of what the date will consist of before you have the dreaded "will you go out with me?" conversation. Let me give you an example. Say someone you know relatively well comes up to you and says, "Um, like, would you like to hang out and, like, maybe do something Friday night?" Now, let's say someone else calls you on the phone and says, "Hi! The local college symphony is having a free concert Friday night. Would you like to go with me, and maybe get a bite to eat afterwards?" Be honest - which person are you more likely to go out with? For me, there's no question; I'd go out with the person who has a plan, concert and dinner, but has left part of the plan, where to have dinner, open for discussion. This person sounds like a lot more fun to be with!

Practice, practice, practice. I'm old enough to remember back in the 1970's when, in the comic strip Doonesbury, Mike asked J.J. out on their first date (they're divorced now, and their kid, Alex, is in college, but that's another story). Mike actually wrote out what he was going to say to J.J. over the phone before he called. Personally, I think Mike had a pretty good idea! That's right, practice what you're going to say, at least the first few sentences, before you make the fateful phone call or talk to the person you're asking out face to face. Think of all possible answers he or she could give, and practice some responses. Like Mike, write this all down if you have to. If you have a friend you really, really trust, get him or her to pretend to be the person you're asking out.

Keep your cool. During the conversation, stay calm, no matter what. If he or she says "yes" don't whoop and holler and act like an idiot. You can smile and be happy about the positive response to your "will you go out with me?" question, but keep the end-zone celebratory antics for later - when you're out of sight or off the phone. Conversely, if the answer is "no," stay gracious. Don't become angry, despondent, or grumpy - at least not until you're alone later. Also, think fast on the spot, and analyze the reason for the "no." If the answer is, "no, thanks," drop it and end the conversation as quickly as possible. If the answer is, "I can't, because I have to do XYZ that same night," offer to postpone the date to another time. If the answer is, "I'm not really interested in (whatever you've proposed)," be prepared to come up with a plan B on the spot.

With a little homework, luck, patience, planning, and rehearsal, you're sure to be out on a date with the person of your dreams in no time!