How to Dine Like a VIP and Not Look Like a Complete Moron

Once upon a time the only way to get into the hottest place in town was to be the best buddy of the maître d', or, at least, the best buddy of the best buddy of the best buddy of the maître d'. The Internet, however, has changed that a bit, and there are now several ways to land a table at a crowded restaurant. The savvy diner will know these tips, and the would-be savvy diner would do well to learn them.

Amex Platinum or Visa Signature card holders can get help getting into some of the hottest restaurants through incentive programs. Amex's Hot Plates and Fine Dining programs are automatically qualified for if you are an American Express Platinum Card holder. The programs make deals with hot spots in Miami, NY, San Fran, and LA to reserve one table a night for members. The Hot Plates program includes trendy, hip places, while the Fine Dining program includes formal, classic restaurants. To get your reservations through these programs, call 1.800. 345.2639. For Visa Signature Card holders, the program is similar. The number to make reservations through that program is 1.800.346.3847.

If you're not a card holder, don't despair. There are a number of ways to get a table without the fancy plastic.

Online reservations systems are surprisingly effective when it comes to getting tables at hard-to-get-into restaurants. Three popular sites are Opentable.com, Savvydiner.com, and iseatz.com. Each has it's pros and cons.

Opentable.com

• Has over 2,100 restaurants in more than 30 markets.
• Many of the nation's top restaurants use this site.
• Includes a feature that lets you send a note with your reservation with any additional instructions or requests.
• Offers frequent-diner points every time you reserve online, redeemable for discounts on meals.
• Each user gets only four no-shows a year before privileges are cancelled.
• Allows restaurants to "black out" certain tables automatically, making it impossible for the user to get that table using Opentable.com.

An employee at Opentable.com made it known that, while the company doesn't advertise the following trick, it doesn't mind if you use it: Sign up on the web site as an "administrative assistant". The option was designed for secretaries who book tables for multiple executives, but you can use it to book tables for your friends, or you and a friend can always log on to this account when you book. You get 300 points just for setting up the account. Then all the points that come from tables booked through the admin. assistant account accrue to one account, making it easier to rack up 10,000, which equals $100 off your next meal. ;)

Savvydiner.com

• Sometimes allows you to get tables that Opentable.com said wasn't available.
• Actually calls the restaurant, so may be able to negotiate to get you the table you need.
• You don't find out immediately whether or not you got your table.

iseatz.com

• While the list of restaurants on this site is small, they tend to be high-quality places.
• Allows you to reserve a handful of restaurants in cities that don't usually have online reservation options.
• Aside from offering an opportunity for booking, some restaurants in each city also presell a meal at a discount. For example, you can prepay a three-course meal, then print out a certificate at home, book your table at the restaurant and present the certificate when you arrive.
• Call the restaurant before pressing the "buy" button, because the deals may be loaded with catches.

The foolproof way, of course, to get the table you want is to book way in advance and be flexible. If that doesn't work, though, there's always the old standby: Just walk in. 12% of all reservations are no-shows, which means that sometimes simply showing up will land you that coveted table.

The high-quality restaurants have long disdained discounts and coupons, but, in recent years, one of the most significant innovations in the industry is the introduction of marketing programs that shave 10-20% off your total bill at some of the nation's top restaurants. They are actually designed to eliminate the humiliation of handing over a coupon after a night of fine dining. Some of the programs, in fact, are so subtle that nobody, not even the restaurant, knows you are getting a discount.

Some of the bargains come through credit cards, some through the internet, and some directly from the restaurants. Some charge a fee for enrollment in the program, others do not. Here's the rundown:

Some Frequent Diner Programs

Lettuce Entertain You Enterprises, Inc.

• 70 restaurants in the Chicago area
• Costs $25 to enroll, refunded if you dine three times that year
• One point per dollar spent

Unique Restaurant Corporation

• 13 restaurants and 7 catering companies in Michigan
• Costs $19.95 to enroll
• One point for every dollar spent
• Free bottle of champagne on member's anniversary

Gastronomy, Inc.

• 9 restaurants in Salt Lake City
• Costs $15 to enroll, which earns you 15 points
• One point for every dollar spent

If you like a particular restaurant, and think you'll be a return customer, it pays to inquire about frequent-diner plans. Sometimes restaurants are quite discreet about it, and you won't know until you ask.

Some Third-Party Discount Programs

Dinnerbroker.com

• Book online at one of about 250 places. 10-30% is knocked off your check at the restaurant
• Most good deals require booking at off-peak times, like before 7pm or after 9:30pm

Restaurant.com

• Buy a discount certificate on the website, or bid for it on eBay. Present with payment after your meal
• Some come with restrictions, so read the fine print online before buying

Rewardsnetwork.com

• $49 annual membership
• Eat at one of about 7,000 participating places
• A few days after your meal, a 10-20% discount will show up on your credit card
• Rewards Network can't be paired with other discounts
• Some places permit the deals only at off-peak times

Some of these programs can be doubled up, to get even bigger savings.

Many big-shot restaurants maintain secret reservations phone numbers that they don't publish. Here's a list of several secret numbers, plus tips on how to get in if they give you a hassle.

Spago, Beverly Hills, California

VIP: Ask to speak to Tracey Spillane, general manager. Also, ask if you can introduce yourself to Wolfgang Puck. ;)

Internet Reservations: Opentable.com and dinnerbroker.com

Credit-Card Concierge: AMEX Platinum, Visa Infinite, Visa Signature Concierge

Chez Panisse, Berkeley, California

VIP: Ask to speak to Gilbert Pilgram, general manager. To reserve, call exactly 30 days before you want to dine and make the call at 9am.

Internet Reservations: None

Credit-Card Concierge: None

Metropolitan Grill, Seattle

VIP: Call the VIP reservation line: 206.382.3555

Internet Reservations: Savvydiner.com

Credit-Card Concierge: AMEX Platinum Fine Dining

The Inn at Little Washington, Washington, Virginia

VIP: Guests of the hotel are guaranteed a reservation

Internet Reservations: None

Credit-Card Concierge: None

Balthazar and Pastis, Manhattan

VIP: Call the unlisted reservation line (the same for both places): 212.625.8665

Internet Reservations: None

Credit-Card Concierge: AMEX Platinum Hot Plates

Daniel, New York

VIP: Ask to speak with chef Daniel Boulud (he said so!)

Internet Reservations: None

Credit-Card Concierge: AMEX Platinum Fine Dining

Union Square Café, New York

VIP: Eat at the bar near the maître d' station and slip him your card. The staff of most restaurants are trained to pamper those willing to eat at the bar, because it lets the restaurant make money without using up a table.

Internet Reservations: Opentable.com

Credit-Card Concierge: AMEX Platinum Fine Dining

So, you got your table. Bravo. What do you order?

Just like any purchase, ordering a meal should be done with getting the best value for the least amount of money in mind. There are several factors to consider when determining the true value of a meal. For instance, a restaurant may have at their disposal foods you can't find easily in the local supermarkets, so it's a good way to try something new, or enjoy a dish you can't prepare with ease at home. Preparation is another factor in itself: trained chefs will often be able to create meals you could never manage at home. These are some of the things you're paying for, not just the meal itself.

It's important to keep in mind, too, that some of the most expensive items on the menu are actually the least profitable for the restaurant, because the restaurant pays steep wholesale prices but can't mark up the retail price too high, or no one would order the dish. A few examples: Prime aged beef, wild-caught seafood, and foie gras.

If one is offered, the prix fixe is the best way to get a good deal on your meal. This is actually a form of restaurant discounting, and prix fixe just means "fixed price". It pays to ask your server if one is offered. You can also do a Google search to find prix fixes offered in a number of major cities, or check city online restaurant guides, as well as dining sections of major newspapers.

This is a basic list of ways to improve your dining experience. I hope you find it useful. Bon appétit!

Sources: The Wall Street Journal's Guide to the Business of Life; OpenTable.com; SavvyDiner.com; Google.com