How to Talk to Your Child's Teacher
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Talking to your child's teach can be tricky business, but it doesn't have to be. It's easy - just be nice! You want to show respect for the teacher as a professional while being the best possible advocate for your child. Sometimes you need to stand up to the teacher, but you have to approach the situation in a way that's non-threatening and productive.
Regular Communication
A lot of rifts can be avoided if you are clear on how the teacher will be communicating with you throughout the school year. If the teacher doesn't state a policy, ask. There is nothing worse than getting to the end of a quarter when you've heard nothing from a teacher only to find out your child has been having trouble all along. If you take the initiative to ask the teacher's plan for communicating with you up front, it will become clear if he or she plans to engage in a regular exchange or if you'll need to be the one to keep tabs. Either way, you know where you stand.
If you know of an issue that may affect your child at school, give the teacher a heads up. Good teachers want to know their students and will appreciate any information you provide. Teachers will love to hear when a child is excited about a subject or lesson and sharing your child's enthusiasm in one area may make the teacher more receptive to hearing about boredom or difficulties in another.
And since this wonderful teacher (always assume the positive!) is taking so much energy to understand and get to know your child, it won't kill you to chat for five minutes. Getting to know the teacher may pay off later.
Common Courtesy
Some people view teachers as hired hands, almost servants at the parents' beck and call. Do NOT adopt this view! Your child's teacher is your business partner in the venture of teaching your child what he needs to know to move on, master the next grade, and eventually get a job and stop eating your food. So be nice.
Don't blame the teacher for giving too much homework. Ask what you can do to make it easier on your child to complete the work. Don't go over the teacher's head straight to the principal. How would you feel if a colleague of yours went to your boss instead of dealing with you directly? If you have invested time in creating a relationship with the teacher early on, it will be easier to talk if troubles arise later.
Strive to be clear and unemotional in your dealings. Listen. If you're working together on solving a problem, make sure you repeat back to the teacher what you understand to be the outcome and next steps.
Word Choices For Talking With the Teacher
Instead of: Johnny always gets an A. You must have made a mistake.
Try: I'd like to discuss Johnny's grade. It seems unusual for him to get a C.
Instead of: Susie's sick. You need to email me a list of homework.
Try: Would you mind jotting down Susie's assignments and I'll pick them up at your convenience?
Instead of: I have a problem with your solution.
Try: Is there anything else we can do to make sure this doesn't happen again?
See, it is easy - just be nice!
No One Likes a Pest
Don't bombard the teacher with special requests or reasons why your child is an exception or has a ‘different learning style.' Recall that this is a professional who has studied extensively, still studies, about the best way to educate your child. You also must be aware that teachers are not paid especially well for this privilege so you can safely assume that this is a passion, a calling. Treat the teacher with respect.
Besides, life is not fair. Maybe your child will end up with a truly awful teacher. Everybody does at some point. What a wonderful lesson you teach by modeling for your child that sometimes in life we simply must make do with what we've been given.
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Comments
Great advice. I teach schools and am often perplexed at how parents view me and my role in the classroom. If only more parents had your balanced perspective on our cooperative roles, my job would be much easier.
My daughter is 8 years old and is in third grade. she is bombarded with hours of homework with little down time. I am not against homework and I am willing to work with my daughter through this. Yesterday my daughter for got to turn in her 3 missed spelling words ehich she was to copy 5 times a piece. Since these 3 missed spelling words were not turned in the very next day my daughter had to spend her 2 recesses inside writting every word on her spelling test 20 times each! Then she had to continue working on these words at home along with other homework . By 9 oclock she still had100 words to write. Her bed time is at 8:30. She had to write 20 words 20 times. Keep in mind we are very thourough with homework she has never finished her homework or not turned this in on time in the past. I am also concerned that my daughter has an underlying learning disability. She gets A's and B's. I am seeing little bits of information being missed when given directions. She is also in title one reading. I am very frustrated. I am currently in the beginning phase of fighting for testing. My daughter is suddenly starting to have stomachaches and says she doesnt like school. She has NEVER expressed this before. My daughter is very expressive and gets very excited. How should I approach her teacher?
Thanks for sharing, Dedre. I don't envy your position. It can be so frustrating to see your child struggle. As for approaching the teacher, I would advocate openness and honesty. Tell her what you told all of us. It seems that you may need to discern whether it's a homework problem, or as you say - your child has some needs that are not being met, maybe not yet identified. All you can do is start where you are and make your concerns known. The one thing I would caution is taking out your frustration on the teacher. It can be a fine line to walk. Good luck.
Dedre, I have the same situation with my daughter now. She is in third grade as well. This year has been awful. The complaints from the teacher started the 2nd week of school and have not stopped since. Every day it's something! I have had one conference with her early on, but things have only gotten worse with my daughter. After the 3rd time coming home throwing up, my daughter told me that she was making herself throw up because she did not want to be at school. I took her to her doctor and we are in the middle of testing for learning disabilities (very long story). He is a wonderful doctor though. I emailed all of her teachers asking for a conference and no one responded. That was 2 weeks ago. Tonight my daughter started crying about having to go to school tomorrow. She says her teacher does not like her and that she told another teacher that my daughter "never gets anything right". My child has always loved school up until this year. This behavior is so unlike her. I have sent another email (that is the teachers preferred contact method) and I am eagerly waiting a response. There are so many things that I want to discuss with her teacher but I don't want to see accusatory. It's so frustrating!
AmyB, It sounds like you're in a tough situation. You might want to consider asking the principal or school counselor to get involved if there are multiple issues in play. You definitely want to keep the lines of communication open.
My dauughter is 7 and in the 2nd grade.Me and the teacher stay in contact.My daughter is having trouble keeping up with the class.She keeps telling me that the teacher talks to fast and does'nt give good directions on the class work.(her teacher last year made everything fun to learn with games,etc.)I have made a conference to meet with her but my question is how do I tell her what my child said about her talking too fast?
Get this! I am a 5th grade teacher and my son is in the same grade that I teach and at the same school and in the same hallway. I do not have him in my class but his homeroom teacher seems to think that I need to know every little thing that he does. Keep in mind that my son has had a wonderful school experience until now. I have not had any behavior concerns until now. He tells me that he can tell that she doesn't like him. I have had 2 conferences with her on his grades and our concerns. The first one she cried and told me about all her personal problems. And on the second meeting she cried as well but we actually talked about my son. She sent an aide to interrupt my class just last week to inform me that my son had thrown away a paper that she wanted to review over. I am so at my wits end. Any suggestions?? I don't know if I should bother w/my principal because we only have 20 days left of school. :( Signed: Very sad mom
I have a daughter that just finished 3rd grade and thank you god. 2 teachers were awful to communicate with. One evening my daughter came home from school telling me that I need to sign 2 letters she had to write.(One to the teacher for"Wasting her Time" and another to a student for bullying her.(My daughter was trying to get her attention by tapping her on the shoulder and wouldnt stop when asked). Her classroom teacher was off that day so it was a student teacher. I signed the letters and she took them the next day. She then returned home that evening to let me know this classroom teacher called her to the front of the class and asked her what she did yesterday. My daughter told her and the teacher began to poke her roughly in front of the class while saying how do like it see how it feels. My daughter began to cry and had to write then again the 2 letters she had already written. So the next day I sent a few letters of my own stating that she bullied my daughter in front of the whole class so do I get to then come in and do that to her since she was showing that it is OK to do it. Also I told her I don't want her ever laying a ahnd on my daughter ever again. The other letter was written to her homeroom teacher saying I will deal with issues at home since my daughter was"wasting her time". I feel these teachers are preaching one thing to children about bullying and doing the opposite to them. Where does it stop.
Thank you for this blog, I needed a reminder. We do seem to get a sense of entitlement as parents sometimes and should be more patient with our children's teachers.
basspro says:
3 years ago
Thanx my childs teacher is very hard to deal with.