How to teach your teenagers a work ethic and life skills

Teaching your kids work ethics and life skills is not a last minute chore. If your kids have reached their Teenage years without having had a single chore in their lives or a single responsibility you have done them a great injustice.

More and more modern Parents falsely believe that children should not be burdened with the everyday requirements we all must face. American Society is trying to convince us that Children would fall apart if we should put any sort of real life pressures on them. Holding our Children and Teenagers responsible for their own actions, expecting them to work for what they want and teaching them that money does indeed not grow on trees is looked upon as cruel and unusual punishment by some. In certain States, tests have been taken out, since they are afraid that we may stunt the mental growth of some of the less talented students. We wouldn't want to force anyone to think now would we; they may hurt them-selves.

Chores, something that were once upon a time a normal thing in a family now seems to be looked upon like a dinosaur, a thing of the past we only marvel at in fear and astonishment by too many youngsters. Parents have taken to "paying" them off with free money to get them out of the house and from under their feet. Excuses like, they will have to work enough when they get older, are not only harmful to a young person's future but are also a cope out for the Parent. In case I don't make myself clear with this statement, allow me to phrase it in the following way. Those types of Parents would rather hand their children money then to be obligated to spend time with them and actually teach them some life lessons.

How can we, the adults, teach our offspring lessons that are so very important? Simply by giving them chores, jobs and responsibilities. Sit back for a second and think on some of the core life skills we must possess to make it in the everyday adult world. I am not talking about rich people, but the average Joe and Jane.

Perseverance

Giving up is a very easy thing to do and to some of us it becomes almost second nature. I believe that this core skill is one of the most important ones in life. If you are able to preserver you can go far in life.

Give your Teen(s) a job, you know they will have a very difficult time doing. That may sound horrible to you, but believe me it works. Make sure that you will reward the successful completion of the task.

Here is a personal example for my three children.

My oldest Daughter and my Son (the baby in the family) both had a very difficult time with schoolwork and grades. Neither was stupid, but neither seemed to be able to quit swing it on their own regards. For my oldest it was a case of having to learn the same thing repeatedly, however once she had it, it was solid. My son, just plain hated school. It was boring to him. For both of them I implemented a deal that was as follows: You will bring me good grades, nothing under a D is expectable and you will be disciplined for any F you even think of bringing me. For each A you will get $5.00, for each B it was $3.00 and for each C it was 1, after that it was reversed and money was taken away in the same increments besides the discipline that would happen with the failing grade of F. If they wanted the money and no problems from me, they had to learn to persevere with their studies. Each in their own way. My son had to learn to stick it out, no matter how bored he was with a subject, my daughter to learn in easier ways to make it stick. I mentioned that I had 3 kids. My middle child was and still is a brilliant student. She learns as easy as breathing, so for her this kind of deal was foolish. Her difficulty lay in physical strength. In her case it was a completion of 25 male styled push ups with no stopping, no cheating and in one setting. She loves Ice-cream and her reward was a big box of Ice-cream of her choice. It took her 3 Weeks, but I had to pay up and was more then glad to do so. My two slow poke students brought their grades up as well.

As you can see by this example, you can not do the same thing for everyone. You must know the Area in which your child has to learn to persevere the most. Then go after that Area with a Payment that will bring them great joy. And please remember, that if you have multiple children that are in an age of understanding, which is usually 4 and up, please don't leave any one of them out. This skill should be taught as early as possible.

Chores around the house

Before I go any further let me make it clear that this is not gender related. I don't care if you have only sons, they have to eat too. Until your boy gets married if he ever does and if he finds a wife that can uphold a household, he will have to be able to cook, clean and wash his own clothe. He may not have to be as good at it as a girl, but he should give it his best shot. The same goes for girls with outside chores, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, fixing minor things around the house. Make sure that both genders learn at least the basics and do not let them talk you out of it. Chores have to be done before free time or play time. Work before play! That is what allowances are for, which really should be the child equivalent of a Paycheck. Here again the same principal applies. If they don't do the chores properly they don't get paid. Think of your own workplace for a second. If you mess up constantly you will get reprimanded or fired, which equals less pay! Another fact is that most of us don't like what we have to do at work; sooner or later we will down right hate it. The same applies for your kids, they too have to learn to deal with doing things they don't like. However, again here, make certain that if you have more then one, to rotate the chores. Remember that children and especially teens are quit smart and tricky; they will try to mess up on purpose so as not to have to do the chore they dislike, at times even preferring to take the pay cut over actual work. Here you get around it by not only taking the money, but making the little "lazy buns" do it again and again until it is done properly. Now they lost the money and wasted their own time, they won't do it very often.

Saving money and replacing broken items

I can almost hear you cussing me out now. How dare I make a child replace something they have broken, surely it isn't done on purpose. The response here could be twofold.

1. Yes, it could be an accident and normally you can tell be the persons behavior. No tears are not necessarily a clue either nor are the words "I am sorry!" They are sorry - sorry they got caught! I have seen my kids put on performances worthy of an Emmy Award. I would and have given them standing ovations, which they really hated me for at that moment. They are good at this! On the other hand, I have seen my daughter stand there like she was just hit by a Mack truck and was apologizing when I wasn't even in the room yet. I have a rule; if I can tell it really was an accident, then don't worry about it. The question is more, are you hurt? If not, don't worry about it, it is replaceable, you are not.
2. However, on the other hand, I have seen them handle objects so carelessly that it was just a matter of time before they were broken. They got tired of playing with it, cleaning it, washing it or wearing it. In that case, they would pay for the replacement out of their own allowances; even if at times they were unaware they were doing it. The remark, I am sorry I have to buy you new Jeans to replace the ones you ripped again last week, I can not give your allowance to you this week, was heard more then once in my house.

Saving, money is another part of it. I had made deals with my kids before that if they wanted a larger item, they would have to save up the money for it. Or if I knew it was way out of their range, but I approved the Item they would have to save half and I would match it. My daughter reminds me to pass along a little thing I had to do a couple of times in my own household. In every family, you have one child that is a bit too generous with his/her money. The other kids know that and will be more then willing to hold their little hands out for the child in question to spoil them and share with them. If you notice this, you have to put your foot down or at times even refuse to give the money. I had to and would end up putting it away for her or buying things for her instead of giving her the money. As they get older, they learn that they are being used, but let us be honest; a lot of us adults don't get that concept.

I want to let you sit with this for a few moments and in Part 2, I want to come back with more life skills and how you can implement them. Teaching hygiene to your Teenagers if they are too lazy, teaching them how to think for them-selves, teaching to deal with peer pressure and lastly getting them ready for the work force.