The trouble with wearing the tartan

is everyone thinks you're a Spartan

who relishes cold

in the goolies. (I'm told

the best way to heat 'em is fartan!)

A limerick is a short verse in a well-defined form which we'll look at soon. Most limericks are (or are meant to be) funny or silly. Many are risque. Some are downright obscene. Very few are serious, as the form isn't equipped to carry deeper thoughts or emotions.

This is not a limerick:

The Anglo-Saxon

brays like a klaxon

but the words of the Celt

are deeply felt.

Yet it is a short humorous verse, so, clearly what differentiates the limerick from other light verses is its adherence to a recognised (and immediately recognisable) metrical pattern, or form.

The limerick has four ingredients:

1. the verse form
2. the pulse
3. the rhythm
4. the rhyme

Let's look at these in turn, starting with...

The Verse Form

The limerick has five lines. Lines 1, 2 & 5 are the same length as each other. Lines 3 & 4 match each other, but are shorter than 1, 2 & 5. So far, so good, but how long is long and how short is short? This brings us to...

The Pulse

Lines 1, 2 & 5 have exactly three strong beats that you can clap or tap your foot to. They also have a fourth silent beat at the end of the line, which you feel, but don't hear, before you move on to the next line. Lines 3 & 4 have exactly two strong beats, but no silent beat at the end. So the pulse is like this:

clap clap clap (duh)

clap clap clap (duh)

clap clap

clap clap

clap clap clap (duh)

Every limerick follows this pulse. A verse that doesn't conform isn't necessarily wrong, or bad, but it just isn't a limerick.

The Rhythm

Limericks are always written with a triplet rhythm. To understand this, compare the words camera and football. Read this aloud and you'll hear the difference:

camera camera camera camera football football football football

So, the triplet (camera) rhythm is always used in limericks. The duplet (football) rhythm is not. Now apply camera to the regular clapping pulse, and you get this:

a camera camera man (duh)

a camera camera man (duh)

a camera man

a camera man

a camera camera man (duh)

And that is the basic verse form, pulse and rhythm of every limerick. Slight variations are normal and inevitable, but again, unless your verse conforms to that underlying pattern, it simply isn't a limerick.

The Rhyme

This is the easiest part. Lines 1, 2 & 5 (the longer lines) rhyme with each other. Lines 3 & 4 (the short lines) rhyme together. Because limericks are very short, the rhyming is expected to be good. Try to avoid 'near misses' like foot/tooth or hat/cut.

And that's it

If you can follow these four basic rules (verse, pulse, rhythm, rhyme) you will produce 'correct' limericks. But will they be any good? That's up to you. It depends on your ideas, your judgment, your inner ear. And lots of practice. By the way, limericks do not have to begin - There was an old man - in fact it's quite refreshing when they don't. One last thought: please steer clear of Nantucket. It's been done to death and wasn't worth doing in the first place! Have fun :)

There was an old man who throughout

a lifetime of worry and doubt

could never determine

if under his ermine

King Henry was skinny or stout.

There was an old man who although

his birth had ocurred long ago

when quietly told

"Good sir, you are old"

grew angry and shouted "Not so!"

John Dowland was talented, young

and handsome, and famously hung

but said "If I bang

the Queen, I will hang

and none of my songs will be sung!"

Your comments are welcome, especially if you send them as limericks. But please respect others' copyright.