People, things, events, circumstances aren't difficult by nature. It is our perception of them that makes them easy or difficult. Or ugly or nice. People etc. don't have an intrinsic charge or value.

Let me give an example. José Mourinho (a famous or infamous - depending how you look at him - soccer coach) is generally considered to be an arrogant bastard. Many sports commentators will mention his presumptuousness. To many people José Mourinho comes across as a difficult man. He did however manage to bring the best out of the teams he coached. Apparently he is able to inspire the players under his leadership. So it's safe to assume that his players didn't regard him as being difficult. They may find him demanding, but at the same time he brings out the best in them. So, is this a difficult man?

The answer depends on the viewing point and perspective of whomever is asked the question. The first thing to do when dealing with difficult people is to acknowledge that it is you who perceives them as being difficult. Even if there are many people around you supporting your view, you should remain aware that it is your perception.

How to deal with this will depend on a number of factors.

If you're more or less forced to deal with the difficult person (e.g. a colleague you have to work with) then I'd get it on the table. You don't want to make things worse than they already are, so be careful about time and place here. Show respect by taking them apart. If you ‘take a swing' at him (or her) in the presence of other people you can imagine how that feels. The difficult person is likely to feel offended and - as a result - may attack you in return. The end result is that the situation has worsened.

Also show respect by being calm and kind. By all means be open, you don't have to sweet-talk them, but make sure that you provide them with an ‘escape' to a solution. Provide examples of statements or situations and describe how that made you feel, without directly putting the blame on them. There's a good chance that they are completely unaware of how they make you (and others) feel. Also make sure that you discuss behavior and events, so they won't feel under attack as a person. Stay with yourself and your emotions. The reason for this is that these can never be denied. If you say that you feel underrated or made a fool of, nobody can deny that, because it's your feeling. In contrast, if you say that the other person underrates you, he or she can easily say that this is not the case.

In some situations this may not be an option; but if it is, it's a good one. ‘Simply' don't pay attention to them and what they do and say, walk away. Generally action is reaction and there are two possibilities here. The first is that you in turn will be ignored as well. This is the sunshine scenario as it rids you of them and their behavior. The other possibility is that they get agitated and their behavior increases. If so, you can either revert to option 1 or stick with option 2. In the long run they will lose interest in you.

If you can't ignore the difficult person and you can't seem to work things out with him or her, you may consider escalating the issue. You may take it to his/her boss or a family member or friend of the difficult person. Here too be respectful. You will be taken more seriously if you keep your cool. You'll want to talk to somebody you know has some level of influence. You're looking for somebody with the ‘authority' to take it up with the difficult person. Complaining to your co-worker who is also bullied will not get you anywhere. That's just complaining for the sake of complaining. Remember that you want to complain to obtain a resolution. So make sure that your message comes across as being constructive.

As summer10 points out, difficult people are often difficult for a reason. Reasons that may be difficult to see for us. It is quite likely that they have issues and these issues are not necessarily related to you. The bully at work may have a dominant and emotionally abusive wife.

Keep in mind that being difficult is a way to get attention. Not only children can revert to bad behavior to draw attention; adults can do the same thing. After all, negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Sometimes it is best to just take them apart and show genuine interest in their well being. In a way, this is a variation or extension of option #1. Again, address what you have perceived and how that made you feel. But rather than focusing on this behavior now ask them of they're ok. If they deny that anything is wrong, you can always go back to option #1. But chance is, that they're just glad that there's someone who is willing to listen to them.

If options 1, 2 and 3 do not provide a solution there's basically only one thing left to do. Accept that this person (to you) is difficult. Stand your own ground and be assertive. Don't give in to the temptation to ‘give it back' to them. Quite often you're not obliged to be friendly. There's no need to be unkind, but you don't have to like them and they don't have to like you.