As a child, I did not like Mother's Day. As a fully grown adult, I still do not like Mother's Day. The reason why I used to hate Mother's Day and still do hate Mother's Day is because mothers day is a very sad day for me because I don't have my Mom anymore. My Mom passed away on July 31, 2001 and I miss her so much.

As a young child, I remember my Mom being a devoted mother and a devoted wife. I remember her cooking and cleaning and always being there for us three children when we needed her. Something happened though to my Mom though, something changed her and that something was alcohol. My Mom started drinking heavily. Now, she wasn't the only one in the family that started drinking. My Dad started drinking too. My Mom actually came from a family of heavy drinkers so I guess that is why she started drinking.

Alcohol came into our lives when I was about 10 years old. We were living in a rural town in central Ontario. I believe that it was my Dad that started drinking first.

I am not going to go into all the details of why they started drinking and what happened while they were drinking and why they couldn't stop drinking because it is a pretty painful part of my life. All I will say about it is that it was not fun growing up with two parents that drank constantly.

As time went on, my parents became older and my Mom ended up very weak, pale, skinny and pretty messed up. She laid in her bed one morning when I was getting ready to go to work and she told me she was dying. I said "No Mom. You aren't going to die." She didn't die right that day. However, she did die two years later.

I wish so much I could take my childhood back so that I could take everything back that happened to my Mom so she would be here with us today. I wish I could have stood up to my parents and told them straight out that I didn't like them drinking and neither did my siblings. We despised their drinking. We despised the fights and the arguments. We despised the alcohol because most days the alcohol came before food in the house. The alcohol consumed my parents. It ruined them.

Growing up was not an easy task in our house. I will give my parents credit though, besides the fact that my Mom died, my parents stayed together through thick and thin. They were two people that never should have stayed together because of their constant bickering and fighting and if my Mom were still alive today she'd be right there, with my Dad.

Looking back, I really don't remember not even one Mother's Day celebration that I spent with my Mom. Most holidays in our house were centered around partying. I really don't remember any one of the many holidays that our family spent together. I think that is because I don't want to remember the holidays because they were never anything special.

Growing up as a teen, I drank a bit here and there. I got into drugs a bit here and there. However, I learned long before my Mom died that alcohol and drugs are trouble and I stopped doing both. To this day, I will not touch a drink or do any drugs. I despise alcohol and drugs.

Now, from here on in, I am thinking that Mother's Day's for me are going to become a whole lot brighter and that Mother's Day may be one holiday soon that I will want to celebrate and the whole reason for that is because come this August I am going to be a Grandmother. It is funny how the announcement of the birth of your grandson can make you totally rethink all your thoughts about holidays. I am looking forward to Mother's Days from here on in.