Doris Day sings,

“When I have a brand new hairdo

 With my eyelashes all in curl,

 I float as the clouds on air do,

 I enjoy being a girl!”

Doris Day, a movie star and entertainer of the 1950s, is often seen as the ultimate example of femininity. In her song, “I enjoy being a girl,” Day mentions her love of wearing “frilly” clothes and drooling over “dresses made of lace.” Day exhibits the gender role that has been culturally assigned to her through gender socialization.

Gender socialization is the process by which masculine or feminine behaviors are learned from and influenced by various agents. Among these agents include: family, school, peers, work, and the media.  These agents influence how our gender plays a role in our attitudes and behaviors, including: how we dress, speak, act, what career we pursue, what we think and our emotions. 

Family is often considered having the greatest influence. Before we are even born our parents make decisions based on our gender. The color of the nursery, the clothing we will wear, the toys we will play with, and the name we will be called. Before I was born my mother painstakingly stenciled pink hearts around the border of my nursery. Friends and family members bought pink “onezies” and dolls to welcome me home with. Although I was given some feminine items as a child, I believe my mother’s upbringing never let it go too far. My mother grew up on a 120-acre farm. Society, however classifies little girls  differently than little boys. So always outside with the farm animals, my mother was labeled a tomboy. Her daughters were raised the same way. My sister and I were always among the boys, and could keep up with them as well. I had the most fun getting dirty and playing sports. There has always been two sides of my gender role. I started playing soccer when I was four, however, I also took ballet lessons. I never had dolls as a little girl, I had My Little Ponies instead. With several children in my extended family, a lot of our toys were gender neutral. I even enjoyed playing with the trucks, Nerf guns, and sports items at my cousin’s house (who was a boy of course). 

In elementary school, I would leave my mother’s car in the parent pick up line with the bow she had stuck on my head. As soon as her car was out of sight I would rip it off! My favorite days were when I didn’t have to choose what to wear. In high school I was a part of a medical magnet, and I loved the days when I could just wear scrubs. The teachers that I related to the most were female. I was always the teacher’s pet. I offered to help with passing out papers, feeding the class pet, etc. My teachers were always appreciative. As I reached middle and high school I became friends with a couple of my teachers and worked as their teacher’s aide. I think that the fact that I was a girl allowed my teachers to open up more and accept me as both a student, and someone that they could depend on.

Some little girls fantasize about being a princess. They wear dresses and tiaras and dream about living in a castle far far away. I never had this dream. I would watch Disney movies and relate more with the awkward bookworm than the woman in the glamorous gold gown. As I got older however, I began to have role models in the women of Hollywood. Rather than a pink dress and tiara, I saw the classic beauty and grace of Audrey Hepburn more appealing. Although I never directly copy their fashion, I took note of the characters that they played; who could stand up to any man but be graceful in doing it. There were usually different facets to these women. Yes they could dress up and attend parties and dinners, but they could also be modest versions of themselves, traveling the world, being mothers, and not living up to Hollywood expectations. Even Doris Day left the glamorous lights of Hollywood to settle on a ranch in Northern California. 

I have female friends that are both more feminine and more masculine than I am. From Katie who is a gunner in Iraq, to Ashley who has worked as a model, my friends exhibit an array of gender roles from feminine to masculine to androgynous. Gender socialization has effected me if both negative and positive ways. Being gender socialized from before I was born has made me who I am: the laid back, sometimes quiet girl, who envies old Hollywood movie stars, loves old cars, is a really good cook, and wants both a family and a career.

It is because I am a woman that certain stereotypes are applied to me. When my car recently started making strange noises I had a friend help me with the problem. Knowing the part necessary to fix it, I traveled to the autoparts store. I didn’t take the clerks comments personally, I knew that he just didn’t expect for me to know what I was talking about. Or for me to know how to install the part myself. Yes these moments can be annoying at times, but breaking a stereotype just gives me satisfaction. The guys at the autoparts store now know me, and the female stereotype in me rewards them with brownies and cookies for their kindness.             

There are also times where being a woman has worked to my advantage. When applying for jobs my personality shines through and most employers see me as a trustworthy person. The innocence of a woman allows people to think that they would not criminals or angry. There is also an advantage over men. Although some women take offense to men noticing them, just as a man can get what they want because they are simply a man, a woman can make an accomplishment simply because they are a woman. I do have to say that a girl can make it pretty far on a wink and a smile.

I feel that the gender role that I play has been greatly influenced by the agents around me. However, I also feel that I make a personal decision on my own, conditioned or not, regardless of how my gender role will be portrayed. There will always be stereotypes for the two genders, however societies must learn that they do not apply to everyone (or even most).

The question of whether or not a society can exist without gender socialization is a difficult one. Often our role models when we are young are those that we can relate to the most. For young girls this is usually our mothers, and for young boys, their fathers. We want to be just like them. If they cook, we want to cook. If they fix cars, we want to fix cars. Where gender socialization started and how the division of labor, appearance, behaviors, and attitudes were assigned to genders I do not know. What I do know however, is that males and females will always be separate, and with those differences will come certain “norms” that are passed down through family and influenced by other agencies.