After handed my last little guest a birthday goody bag and wished the boy and his parents merry Christmas, I closed door and looked around my living room where filling with opened presents and colorful wrapping paper everywhere around the floor. All the "Happy Birthday" signs are going to stay on the walls till the New Year's Eve. There were always some leftover pizzas, cakes and chips for every of my family members to enjoy for the following few days. I then kissed and hugged my husband to thank him helping me go through this party. As usual, we celebrated our elder son's birthday the weekend right after his school started the winter break. This is the best way gathering his friends and classmates to the party before most of the families went out of town for Christmas.

My elder son Felix will turn eight on 29th of December. His pre-celebrated birthday party has always being a pleasant warm up before Christmas for every of his friends and our family members. Usually following a week later there will be Christmas so two of my boys get to open another present under our reusable artificial Christmas tree. And this is not all. Our big day actually starts on December 26th, the "Super Sale Everywhere Day" that my whole family usually went out shopping from morning to dawn. We bought everything that we think we need for the following whole year, from children's toys, school supplies to everyone's clothes, daily household supplies and even any possible presents for friends and relatives out of country the next Christmas. As long as the price is right and the product is non-perishable, we bought and stored those special discount items in cupboards or closets for any recent and future occasions. 

Every year after Thanksgiving I got busy as usual preparing my son's birthday party, as well as searching cupboards and closets to look for appropriate Christmas presents for someone who we want to thank for the most.  Not for any religious reason, I insist to celebrate Christmas simply because I think my kids would love to. Christmas is always a big deal for American. Ever since having our first child, my husband and I have managed our Christmas to become a family tradition full of rewarding, fun shopping and money saving activities (which we Chinese really enjoy to do so anyway.). 

Every year my kids learn to make some new Christmas ornaments from school. Together we set up and decorated a really nice plastic reusable Christmas tree that we found from a recycling dump in front of my apartment many years ago. We sent e-card instead of traditional Christmas cards two days before Christmas to our friends and relatives. For every Christmas Eve, I would cook a huge banquet for family of four in Chinese style, all the dishes are mostly everyone's favorite. Following the big banquet then is the big sales shopping. Few days later I'll manage another family feast for Felix's actual birthday, usually a meal at McDonald's and a ice cream cake. Our Christmas holiday isn't as typical as many Americans' but we are celebrating something that makes every of our family members feel happy and joy.

I was too busy to recall that I used to really hate Christmas when I was single. There were a long period of time I didn't even find any fun doing shopping before or after Christmas. These 60%- 80% off big red clearance signs never tickled my desire of purchasing. Also, I refused going to those home parties that hosted by my other single friends (or friend's friend) because I can't find a company to go with and there were always a lot of singles went to this kind of party with a date (I wondered if such singles are qualified to be invited because their "love birds" appearances always make other "purely single" look like a real fool in the party.). Moreover, I had to thank all married friends' invitations to join their Christmas dinner or party and told them I've already set up another engagement, one month ago. I rather having instant noodles and watching Japanese romance TV Sitcom alone at home then going anywhere or being with someone who thinks I need to have a company at the Christmas Eve.

I remember when I was single, visiting my parents in the East Coast during Christmas would also be another worse nightmare. My parents don't celebrate Christmas but they don't mind use such a holiday to arrange some activities among friends and families. During my visit, my mother would be very glad to hook up some single Chinese men for me. She took me to visit her friend's (or friend's friend's or relative's) house or went to a community banquet at local Chinese restaurant then there were always at least one single man at the party to be introduced. My one week vacation often became an incredible matchmaking marathon. I went to various restaurants meeting a few men and sometimes going Karaoke Bar or Disney World with my dates. They are all nice guys with certain expectations. I wasn't in the mood of settle down so I guess I had an attitude problem that made most of the men don't like me that much. I ended up have to warn and even threaten my mother if she ever done this matchmaking thing to me again I'll really freak her out by trying to find myself a White man to marry.

Christmas is never a holiday for single, one who is 100% no boyfriend/girlfriend type of single. The weather is cold and my closed friends are mostly busy or out of town for a while. I don't want anyone's sympathy nor fighting my lonely alone. Yes, I used to hate Christmas because the fact of being alone has no way to hide. My "hating Christmas symptom" also made me look like a real freaky old maid to others.

I supposed Christmas would be the best time for any man who wants to pop the question. Even a person like myself who had serious doubt about marriage would have a strong desire of being a married person during the Christmas season. Christmas is also a time for single who would seriously think of what marriage really means to oneself. When being single I've experienced tremendous peer pressure and I thought I've coped it very well. However, from my deepest heart I always felt that there were some things that I've not done and completed yet. Marriage has brought me to the other side of the river so I got to see the full view of my life with different aspects. I am not trying to compare which part of the life view is beautiful or the best, indeed, I think I found them all beautiful after being through there in pain and tears.

Now, I am no longer the member of "I Hate Christmas Club". Consequently I am acting weird toward single friends during Christmas season. I hesitate to invite single friends over my house for dinner or party due to I know how they commonly feel about this holiday. I understand that my attitude either too warm or too normal can hurt them so badly. I also have to carefully hide my sense of black humor, stop arranging any activities that look like or sound like matchmaking (all the sudden I saw myself just like my mother. Oh my God that's so weird!) and keep myself really busy. Yes, Christmas isn't always the holiday for everyone. I don't know how to comfort the person who hates Christmas but I would like to tell you that I've been there before.

Hang in there, will you? 

"If you're going through hell, keep going. -- Winston Churchill."