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Yes...I did it! I never even gave it a hug! It looked half dead anyway with many limbs broken off from a storm. I took my trusty chain saw and attacked the tree with vicious orgasmic swipes! As the massive trunk fell, I envisioned hippies jumping off the limbs and calling me a killer!
I raised my chainsaw in the air and shouted,"Victorious....Oh brothers of steel!" Then I had lunch....egg salad and chips....while sitting on my kill. I began to ponder my act of environmental abuse. I became guilt ridden as I munched on the last of my Pringles chips.
My soul cried out to be redeeemed as I finished my Pepsi. That's it ....I shouted with glee...I will carve this tree into a monumental piece of art. I shall carve a Bear! I felt my guilt leave as I dropped my Pepsi can into a rabbit hole.
I went and got some more tools....an air grinder....12 inch Craftsman trusty little chain saw...wood files....wood carving tools....hatchet....hammers, etc.
I cut the main outline of the bear with the big chainsaw and went to work on the details with the little saw. The more I carved...the more I felt redemption!
When I finished carving, I sealed the wood with a mixture of half shellac and half mineral spirits. Then I painted my bear.
I stood back and shouted behold......Shaquille O'Neal? Shit....my bear looks like Shaq! I started laughing and wondering if I should put a Sun's jersey on the bear.
Maybe next time....I'll carve Shaq and it will look more like a bear?
Shaq bear and Spud
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Comments
Thanks Ivorwen...big smiles back! :)
I remember Spud Webb....he played here in North Carolina at NC State....was awesome for about 5'7" I think......and could dunk.
Yip....Spud was cool! :)
I hope you had your American flag lapel pin on as you slaughtered the poor wood nymph.
Paper Moon....LOL.....I think I lost it in that stupid rabbit hole! :)
I hope you reached down into the rabbit hole and retrieved the can for proper recycling! I know just how you feel. We have an ash tree in the front garden that has caught a dire disease and we lopped a huge branch off it for safety. It is standing in 3 pieces waiting to be carved into the three bears. You ae an inspiration. Well done
First of all, brother, your bear has no butt. Please whittle him a little ass enhancer. Second, I'm proud of you for not carving it into a bear-toilet paper holder. Have you ever seen NW chainsaw art. Lots of bear-toilet paper holders. Three, "Craftsman"?? I understand their tools have a lifetime warrenty, but heck, if you're gonna make a tree-killing-er statement you need to be using a Stihl. All great loggers use Stihl, except for the rogue ones using Husqvarna.. Say it with me "Stihl totally rocks!!". Great! You are so awesome..sitting on your kill. (My ex was a logger for ever/several generations prior, too) so I get the thrill of the kill! For me, there are few things that smell better than freshly mown lawn and freshly cut trees. (sorry to the huggers in your hubs). Love ya lots!! (Bubbles)
Ha T, that's really impressive. Oh, and listen to Candie, she evidently knows her shit 'cause I know she is correct on these things. Crafstman sucks except for wrenches and a few other things. He does look like the "man". He don't need no butt, only a wee tail. LOL
You must always address a tree and ask its permission and thank it's spirit before the killing of it and then you will be blessed by the Earth Spirit, the Great Spirit.
Always entertaining. I nominate you the Keeper of the Laugh for HubPages.
I second the nomination and raise you a bottle of beer!
Thanks GW....rabbit got the can. :)
Candie...big butt bears LOL! I use Craftsman because when I get a new one..it smells like sweet and sour chicken....Craftsman is funny too...like hahahahaha he used a Craftsman! Grins! :)
ralwus....LOl....yip Craftsman sucks but I like buying new tools...I've had shitloads of them! :)
Pete...LOL...thanks...I accept! :)
Candie...I'll drink to that! :)
well, maybe it does look like Shaq a little bit...but either way it's still cool! Nice job :)
Thanks Janetta...it has Shaq's grin. :)
I loved it! Did you really do it? Wonderful! I love wood carvings...
Thanks Pachuca213....yip...big bear is my work. I didn't do the little bear tho...got it at a craft store.
Oh Man! I love this story; but the pic of the bear with little Spud?! Now that's too much.
You have a great sense of humor, friend. I always feel better—and I'm grinnin'—after visiting one of your pages.
Thanks James...I love causing grins! :)
So thats how you make a bear.(Leia-what do ya think they did.....mate?)....lol
Deece.....staples again! :)
Light him on fire and see if he complains!
I can actually do a very good yogie impression..perhaps I shall drop it into the next broadcast..
"Heeeeeeeey boo boo, I smeeeell a pic-a-nic baaasket!" ;)
Great wood work. I'm sure they tree doesn't mind one bit...
Ixxy...grins...I love Yogi and BooBoo...thanks! :)
Ivorwen says:
7 months ago
I like your bear, and love the catchy title. Big smiles.