For sometime now, I've been trying to shed thirty pounds of unwanted weight. These thirty pounds have become my best friends. They keep me warm in the winter time and sweaty in the summer time. They keep on reminding me of why I wasn't able to fit into my favorite jeans. Oh, how I wish they would just up and leave me. But I know they will not leave without some coaxing on my part.

So, I decided that I was going to lose thirty pounds in three months. Yes, thirty pounds in three months...I could see myself at the weight that I was back in high school. The sooner I start this weight reduction the sooner I can get rid of these thirty pounds. Yes, I'll start tomorrow. I was pumped and excited about it.

For the next several weeks, I increased my physical activities (as much as time would allow) and stayed away from fast foods, and yet I did not see the kind of changes that I wanted in my weight. It's been almost two months and a mere lousy eight pounds were lost. I was frustrated and angry. How could this be? At this rate, it would be hopeless and impossible to lose thirty pounds in three months.

Despite my frustration and disappointment, I decided to continue and to see where my weight would be at the end of these three months. Finally, the end was at hand. I weighed myself and found that I've only lost an additional two pounds for a total of ten pounds. I recall yelling, "Ten pounds in a three months!!!". My disappointment went through the roof.

After these three months, I lost hope and said, "Oh, forget it. I was meant to be at this weight..." I had given up and started to believe that no matter what I do nothing will change. I even went as far as telling myself that it was "meant to be". So, I went back to my old habits. I justified this logic with the "fact" that I changed my old habits to decrease my weight. And after doing so, I was still hovering around my initial weight. Therefore, my current weight would be the weight for me. I was happy with this justification.

A week went by, than two, than three, than four, and than I was experiencing some tightness in my clothes. Naturally of course, I took out my scale and weighed myself and found that my weight was not where it was suppose to be anymore. This really put a damper on my "justification". After coming to the conclusion that I was not being truthful to myself and being too unrealistic, I decided to start up my diet again. This time around I will not set "dead lines" but rather "check points", I will discipline myself, have patience, follow through, set realistic goals, and I will not compare my current weight to my weight in high school. Also, I have to get the notion that I can lose all the weight that I have put on, since high school, in three or four or twelve months out of my head.

I was crazy to believe that I could lose thirty pounds in three months. I was crazy to believe that I was "meant to be" weighing at one hundred and seventy plus pounds. Now looking back, I think I was CRAZY to believe the lies I've told myself. But that is slowly changing. So far so good with my new diet or the old diet that have been reactivated with some big changes. It's been almost two years and I'm slowly getting down to where I want my weight to be. All I know is that it's going to take time and patience.