I Want A Cheeseburger

I was returning home this morning following a friends all night birthday party and found myself craving some cheap, fast nourishment. I requested that my taxi driver take a detour through a nearby McDonald's drive-thru. I perused the menu as I waited for the voice of the lady at the first window to come crackling through the speaker as she mumbled a request for my order into the spittle dampened mouthpiece of her headset... Then I told her I needed more time. A moment later I spoke my order in the general direction of the speaker from which her voice had emanated from; "Two 'Egg McMuffins', one ' McSkillet Burrito'...uhm...two cheeseburgers and...." I was then interrupted by the voice and told that the cheeseburgers were not available at this time(9:10AM) due to the fact that they were currently only open for breakfast menu items. This had happened to me once before at a different McDonald's location but at that time was mildly more understandable and therefore less annoying because it had been some time between four and five in the morning. With the understanding that any grievance I voiced at that time would statically fall upon deaf ears, I returned to ordering what had now become my "breakfast". I told the voice that that would be all and was quickly reminded that I had forgotten a beverage with my order. She had said breakfast only. I decided to be a smart ass; "I can get a soda, right?" Surprisingly she laughed, along with the cab driver who had been party to the entire debacle. She confirmed to me that, "Yes." I could have a cup of carbonated water, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color and flavoring to quench my thirst while I consumed my breakfast.

Fortunately I was in a fairly jesting mood, and the meter was running on the cab. One time to come though, I fear I may challenge a franchise location by playing the role of the disgruntled customer and pointing out the obvious fact that I know there are cheeseburger in the cooler so just make me one damn it! As if McDonald's would have all their lunch items delivered fresh each day yet only once the time period that is made up of the hours designated as breakfast hours have ended.

I'm guessing the real reason for this new policy is simply an attempt to polish an image that has been stained by coffee spills, butchered by animal rights activists and weighted down with accusations casting blame for America's obesity epidemic. So now McDonald's is setting the business hours during which not only breakfast will be served but from those hours the service of any non-breakfast menu items will not be available, even though we know they're there. I see it as McDonald's wanting to appeal to it's patrons as a place that more closely resembles a dining establishment with it's focus on a more traditional family orientated dining experience. It almost makes me want to sympathize with the overweight individuals that blame fast food corporations for craftily enticing them into "super sizing" more than their fair share of "Quarter Pounders". First, fast food chains made their nutritional info available, people still were gaining. Then they jumped on the no carb wagon and began selling salads and yogurt parfaits, still gaining. Next was a short x-treme sport phase, complete with skating clowns and BMX jumping Hamburglars. So now they have a goal of marketing themselves as having a responsible, structured, and family friendly dining environment by refusing to condone the consumption of food stuffs that are traditionally considered as post noontime sustenance. It makes me wonder if the nations worries about personal health, going lean and over consumption of corn oil & processed food have taken a back seat to planet health, going green and over consumption of foreign oil & processed crude. Now the whole family can visit the pro-environment, carbon credit purchasing and appropriate meal time conscientious McDonald's and all get fat together, that is until their underpowered hybrid can no longer carry their combined mass through the drive-thru.