I Want My Ex Back
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Getting Back With Your Ex
Breaking up with your partner feels like a death in the family, you mourn your loss, you miss them, you miss the little things you shared together, you remember the good times and forget the bad times you had, and you miss the closeness you shared with your partner. It becomes a little more difficult to handle than a death sometimes because you still see your ex everyday, you still bump into them in the street in little awkward moments when you don't know whether to stop and chat or walk on by without acknowledging that you have seen them.
How can I get my ex back?
I am often asked this question by men, women, teenage boys and girls who have recently broken up with their partners, and the first thing that I reply to them is "Why do you want them back?"
That may seem like a cold response to a desperate plea for help, but when you get down to the nitty-gritty, there was a problem in the relationship that got so bad that it eventually led to you both going your separate ways.
There are many reasons why relationships end, people fall out of love, violence, alcohol, drugs, bad habits, an affair. I could fill this page with reasons for breaking up.
Why Do You Want Your Ex Back?
Your relationship must have been in trouble or you wouldn't be sitting there all alone wondering where it all went wrong, wondering what could have been, wondering why you didn't stick it out and see if the problem would have gone away.
Your relationship didn't work the first time, what makes you think it would work out the second time around?
Of course preventing the break up in the first place by communicating with your partner makes your relationship stronger.
Ok so we have established that you want your ex back but before we go down that road we must consider what led to the break up in the first place and work from there.
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Top Reasons for a Break Up
Lack of commitment
Showing an unwillingness to commit to a relationship does not mean that to keep the relationship strong, that you have to propose marriage, move in with your partner, or go the whole hog and walk down the aisle with them.
Talking about the future with your partner, planning future events together, telling each other about your hopes and dreams, are also ways to show your partner your commitment to your relationship with them.
A Cheating Partner
Just because you or your partner cheated with another, does not have to mean the end of your relationship, but it will take a while before your relationship gets back on track, the trust that you had in your partner or vice-versa has been shattered.
It is a long road back to regaining the trust that you once had before the cheating occurred and the little doubts will always be there in the back of your mind, recommitting to your partner, rebuilding trust and staying faithful to your partner are the most important factors to get your relationship back on the rails.
NOTE: if you were the innocent party you must try to forgive, if you want your relationship to continue, try not to bring the cheating incident up every time that you and your partner argue.
A Violent Partner
Violence in any relationship is wrong, why would anyone want to get back with someone who beats them, if you are in a violent relationship get out now all of the promises to change are false, do not believe an ex partner who was violent towards you and say that they have changed to get you back.
My close friend was killed 3 years ago, when her husband beat the life out of her with his bare hands.
If you are in a violent relationship I urge you to get out now.
Alcohol or Drugs
Alcohol and drugs cause many problems in relationships, with them come violence, theft, property damage and mental anguish, if you want to get back with a partner who has an addiction problem, it is a long and winding road, your partner has to realise they have a problem and deal with it either through rehabilitation or through a support group, they must come of the drugs or alcohol and be off it for some time before you should even consider taking them back.
If you are the addict then you need to take the appropriate actions to get you straight again before you consider getting back with your partner, how can you look after your partner if you cant look after yourself?
Falling out of Love
If your ex has fallen out of love with you, then there is no point whatsoever in trying to get back with them, you cannot force someone to love you, the relationship is over, it is time to move on there is someone else out there for you it's just a matter of finding that person.
Communication
In all relationships communication is a key element, without talking to your partner about problems you have with each other then nothing will get done and the problem will continue, until either one of you have had enough and the relationship breaks down.
To get back with your ex you first have to confront the problems you had in your original relationship, you must be willing and able to give a little and change some of the things about yourself that became part of the overall problem, patience and an understanding of your partners needs will all help you on the right track, talking to your partner and listening to what they have to say is important, working together in a complete partnership will get your relationship back, if you both want the relationship to work then that is a good start, it will take a lot of hard work but you will find that your relationship will soon be stronger than it ever was before.
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Comments
GREAT Hib Jimmy!! Your Hub Titles are really good at catching interest!!
And I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend a few years back . . . So many of us know friends who stayed too long in a violent situation . . .
A long time ago I made a promise to myself that there were certain deal-breakers that were not negotiable!! You listed many above!!
To me, Love is more of a "process" and less of a "feeling!!" It consists of the many little choices we make each and every day!! How we treat others!! How we treat ourselves!! When someone starts making choices that are detrimental, it is over!!
Great Hub Jimmy!! Blessings to the both of you!! Earth Angel!!
aglocoincome i ask you not to post in my comment boxes i do not write hubs for you to promote your work and i do not post my links on your work, i have said in the past that i believe that agloco is a massive scam and that i want no part of it.....jimmy
p.s you comment has been deleted
Jimmy! Great HUB!
Most of the times getting back together with an X is done because the 'habit of life' is missing. Do you know what I mean? One actually misses the life more then the actual X. Does that make sense? (my own experience) Also one should remember this cliche for its true especially if violence and abuse is involved "A leopard can't change it's spots" One person can change for a short time but eventually the old ways creep back.
very important information for everyone GREAT HUB
regards Zsuzsy
ok,my girlfriend wanted to have a break form me she just needed time to her self and needed space,it was hard for me to accept it and when i did and when we did take the break,during it,she felt that she didnt wanna do this anymore and the break never helped her,and she didnt feel the same and didnt wanna be in a relationship and was getting sick of it,and during this time i was feeling pretty good that we'll be happy again,she only really had 2 days where there wasnt any contact and weve had a tough time for about 3 weeks now,i know what the reason for it and i know what ive done wrong trying to get her back,with help from a fairly few sites,so now it has been 3 days without any contact from her and i wont contact her for a while or wait unitl she does and probably wait unitl its my birthday which is in 3 weeks..i hope i win her back,i love her to death and i odnt wanna lose someone so important to me,but i still think breaking up will make our relationship stronger and me to change and be more powerful and i was being weak and moody and upset alot of times and she wants me to be a man,ill give her time and time will tell how it unfolds..has anyone expierenced this before?
add me sezan-89@hotmail.com id like to meet people who have had this expeierence and give me advice and help,and also what your thoughts of it are..itll be highly appreciated for any help and advice,and to help me win her back,which is my plan to do so,but ill be helpful for anyone else with simular problems or anything and we can work together..thanks
i am sorry i have to tell u dis.
i broke up wit ma boyfriend for no good reason,anytime i am with him,i feel irritated, when people ask me of my boyfriend,i deny that i have a boyfriend,bt anytime we break up i start fallin in luv with him and i go and apologise.Presently we are no more bt i now want him morre than before and he has made it clear to me that he does not want to haveanytin to do wit me.wat shuld i do pls.
do I ????????????????????????????????????????????
Hi you all overthere.My girl broke with me recently with no reason,and she wants me back but not soon.I find it folly though I love her.I realy miss the good moments but I don't think I will enjoy the same way i did before.
We learn to love but we should learn to give up and let go situation.
Great Hub, I agree completely!
Love the hub, Jimmy. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend; I have lost a family member to domestic violence. No excuse for violence in a relationship. Great advice, as always!
cool hub...
hmmm??? what can i say? it just touch me and i realize something... heheheh
specially the "out of love part" heheheh
Cool!
When someone says that they need a break - its over - its usually for a good reason. Don't fight it.
heyy i want my ex bk 2 i luv my ex
cool hub...
Nice one. Dont forget there are plenty of fish in the sea.
I broke up with my ex-bf because I could not trust him. There were many obstacles btw us; long-distance love, our dreams , cheating etc... Since we were separated we have kept contacting with each other, but it was a few times a year. I tried to gorget him and find another, but I was always missing great time with him. I strongly feel I want my ex back after two years and half. I learned from the past. Now my love is real and so is my commitment. I have not told him about this as I am afraid of telling this and of things going worst.
Excellent hub Jimmy..^^ hope you'll post more of these..^^..
Once an ex always an Ex - thats what I say.
Great hub though :)
Great Hub Jimmy. I've been married 25 yrs, & been told he needs time for "him". Now it's time to work on me!
in response to sezan. I experience something very simmilar. I am giving her all the space she wants and I think I want that space too for the moment. I love her more than anything and what makes it harder is that we've been dance partners for 3 years. So now I find my self alone in a extremly noticeble transformation and change and I hate myself for making this change for me now and not before. I think we first have to take care of ourselves to prove to our love ones that we can take care of them. A very close friend of mine said to me that if something is really yours it will come back to you. You just have to wait (like me) become stronger and in a very subtle way..fight for the one you love. I hope this helps (myself included). Cheers
Great Hub I think I needed this. Thanks Jimmy
hey greAT COMMENT I GET IT BC I WANT MY EX TOO
All my ex's can pound sand...I don't recommend getting back with an ex EVER! Been there done that...Something went wrong from the start, nothing is going to change the circumstances.
Great hub jimmy........I am the guy who never found a relationship after my first broke up. But I think I am better off without her in my life. May be I could find some one much better than her.
In response to Sezan and Me Me, im facing the same problem now. I left home and stay with my parents after an argument. It has been more than 2 weeks that we have bee out of contact. Im devasted and depressed, i can't think straight. I keep thinking abt my hubby but it seems that he is stronger in dealing with this separation. I did sent few sms to him, expecting him to response but he just ignored me. I helpless now and still hoping to get back into his life even though i know that he may not change as i quoted someone phrase 'a leopard will not lose his spot'.
If I come back home and reconcile, things may be the same again. Need advise, help me....
I was with my girlfriend for 4 years and she left me because she said she had to "grow up and move on" most of our relationship has been long distance but I was moving in with her sometime next month. I was suppose to go see her for my spring break but she broke up with me two weeks before earlier this month. I think I went about this all wrong. I've called her and texted and messaged because I really miss her and I love her so much. She's my best friend as well so it makes it more difficult. She met this girl at work that she's been hanging out with a lot lately (we're gay) and I can't help to think that's shes moved on so quick after all the things we've been through. I promised her I would never leave her and that I will always keep her in my heart. I keep promises even if they hurt. She didn't keep hers obviously, she left me. I feel so depressed and I can't even sleep at night. I miss her so much, I think I'm going to focus on trying not to call her or text her or anything for that matter. I need to escape her, I wish I could get back with her but if for some reason I didn't make her happy, then how can I make her happy a second time?
you sadden me...you dont speak of love. you speak of mind.
Very good hub. I really liked the information. Fortunately, I do not want to get back with any of my exes.. haha.. but my best friend does, Ive forwarded her your information.
Thanks for the good read!
Cool hub! It's very interesting. =)
I enjoyed your hub. You covered all of the main reasons for a break up in a relationship, including the one with my ex. I think that our society is a throw away one. We throw away everything. If it doesn't work we get a new one. We used to fix things and make them work. If we want to make our love lives work then we need to work on them, just as you stated. There are many reasons and we need to confront them. My ex and I went through a very rough break up but after a number of years, we are working on getting back together. If you love someone, you try to fix it. Let us all stop throwing it all away!
Don't repeat the same mistake! ('Food is the best when fresh.')
Find a new person and try not to repeat the same mistake.
relationships is all about that see ive been with my amn since i was 13yrs old and he was 19yrs old we have that bond he even waited until i was ready for sex. all end all we have a 3 year old daughter together and im 23yrs old planning come first sorry for all that u guys went through but im trying to keep this working cause he think im a cheater and im not thats personthat would do that i love him my life is all about him he s everything i ever wanted in a man .love is love and lets let it be love.
The reasons are solid bu in the whole story i could not find the way to get the ex back.
I just came across this site; got to reading these comments, and could not resist putting my 2 cents in...I got married right out of high school (dated him for three years), to a guy six years older than me....I'll call him "A. Hole"...I should have dumped that *@@!&?!, instead of marrying him.
Anyway, A. Hole was absolutely gorgeous, and he knew it. He constantly cheated, and constantly begged for me to come back...back and forth...back and forth. I am pretty sure that he started cheating after only two weeks of marraige...again, begged me to come back. This went on until I filed for divorce after three years (and one child).
He has since been married four or five times, and each time he has cheated. He has about twelve kids (did not marry all kid's moms). His last son is a couple of years younger than our grandson, and his last daughter is just a couple of years older than our grand-daughte (he's no longer in that relationship, either)...and THEN he got a vasectomy!
Moral? Beware of cheaters, because they don't change. They don't change for anyone or anything. Thinking you can change a cheater is only going to cause you heartache. I think a cheater means it (at the moment) when they say they're sorry, and that they will never cheat again...until the next time.
WHOEVER WANTS THEIR EX BACK HAS ISSUES...JUST GET FAR, FAR AWAY!!!
I'm sorry; I could have put that another way; the best thing to do with an ex is create distance...lots of distance, and do no look back.
WELL IM STILL IN LOVE WITH MY EX FROM LIKE 2YRS,8 MOUNTHS,2 WEEKS,AND 6DAYS AGO. SEE WHAT HAPPEN WAS I WAS ORGINALLY SUPOSE TO GET WITH HIS CUZ (WE LIKED EACH OTHER ALOT) BUT HIS CUZ HOOK ME UP WITH MY EX AND WE CONNECTED RITE AWAY BUT MY EX'S CUZ TRYED BRAKING US UP ALL THE TIME AND I WAS STRESSING OUT ALOT AND I FELT BAD BECAUSE I STILL LIKED HIM. AT THE TIME I DIDNT KNO WHAT TO DO BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT I SHOULD OF JUST TOLD MY EX'S CUZ THAT WE JUST NEEDED TO B FRIENDS AND THAT HE SHOULD OF BEEN HAPPY FOR ME AND MY EX BUT I WAS STRESSING AND WHEN WE STARTED GOING BACK TO SCHOOL I GOT WITH THIS OTHER GUY AND MY EX FOUND OUT HE STILL WANTED TO GO OUT WITH ME BUT I DIDNT CUZ I DIDNT WANT TO HURT HIM ANYMORE CUZ I REALLY LOVED HIM AND NOW EVERYDAY I REGRET WHAT I DID!!!! WE SEEN EACH OTHER A COULD TIMES BUT DIDNT TALK BUT IT LOOKED LIKE HE WANTED TO--IT WAS A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WHAT SHOULD I DO ??? HE WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME
working
MrMarmalade says:
6 months ago
I have won 50 years, setting out for the nect 20.
Wish us your good cheer