I Want to Stop Breastfeeding, Why Do I Feel So Guilty?
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If you want to stop breast feeding, the first thing you have to do is forget about what everybody tells you. Lose the guilt. You're the only person who knows when to stop breastfeeding. Stopping breastfeeding is something that's a totally individual decision. And by definition, if you're deciding to stop breastfeeding, that means you have been breastfeeding. However long you have been breastfeeding - a week or a year - you can be happy with that. Whatever it was. This article gives practical tips on how to stop breastfeeding. If you need more guidance about how to stop breastfeeding, read The Gradual Wean: How to Stop Breastfeeding.
Should you Breastfeed Your 2nd Grader?
There's a lot on the Internet about breastfeeding. How to do it, how to do more of it, how if you don't do it for at least a year you probably don't love your baby all that much. The truth is that women have many different reasons for stopping breastfeeding and it's really no one's business but their own. It's great that we have this wonderful pro-breastfeeding message out there. This is a total turn around from fifty years ago when it was considered low class and taboo in many countries to breastfeed.
I found one article that quoted some anthropology study that put the minimum - MINIMUM - age for weaning a human baby at 2 ½ to 7 years. Whatever. If your baby has a cookie in one hand and pumps your breast for milk with the other, you may want to stop breastfeeding.
Breast feeding is a great choice. We also need to know it's okay to stop. If you need to stop breastfeeding due to health reasons, either your own or your baby's, you will likely not meet with much resistance. But if you decide to stop for *gasp* personal reasons, you may face some judgment.
So Many Good Reasons to Stop Breast Feeding
Women decide to end the breastfeeding relationship for several reasons:
Time
Breastfeeding is time consuming. If you feed every 1.5 to 2 hours for 20 or 30 minutes a pop, that's a chunk of time. Not to mention a scheduling nightmare. It's practically a super human feat for nursing moms to get to the grocery store.
Peace of Mind
Many moms worry that their babies aren't getting enough nourishment from breast milk alone. While this is usually not the case, worry isn't good for you or the baby.
Freedom to Eat & Drink
Nursing women are limited in what they can eat and drink. Your baby may react when you eat garlic or broccoli. And forget about a margarita. At some point, we've just had enough.
Comfort
Despite what all those friendly lactation consultants would have you believe, breast feeding can be quite painful. The worst of it is usually over after the first two weeks, but many women suffer sore nipples and other discomforts for months of breast feeding.
Travel
Whether you must travel for work or you just need to get away from your baby, it's pretty tough to breastfeed when you're not around.
Stress
Say you have some really stressful things going on, like changing jobs, moving, and having a sick toddler to content with. Maybe you're not getting the best sleep. This combines to decrease your milk supply, which then makes baby fussy, and stresses you out more. See where this downward spiral is headed? Sometimes it's better to quit while you're ahead. Stressing about breastfeeding is completely counter productive so my advice is if it becomes a stress inducing activity, let it go!
How Much Is Enough?
The American Academy of Pediatrics wants you to breastfed for at least a year. But remember that the thick, nutrient rich substance, colostrum, is present in the very first milk produced by a new mother. First milk contains highly concentrated antibodies and helps to prevent jaundice and also makes your new baby produce the first bowel movement. But remember, the good stuff is there at the very beginning. If you breastfeed for even one day - congrats to you. Pat yourself on the back and go from there - one day at a time. After a week or two, colostrum gives way to regular breast milk. Remember, there are no booby-breaks in Kindergarten.
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Comments
Kudos to you for writing about something alot of women can relate to. I breastfed all three of my kids but never lasted more than eight months. Even if it's a week or a month it's still beneficial.
I supposse I was lucky, on my daughter's 1st birthday, she just decided to stop breastfeeding after a whole year of exclusive breastfeeding! It was weird for me and I must admit that I felt sad about it.
I dealt with some guilt about weaning - and my little guy was 26 months! I still feel like he wasn't ready, but I was. It's like you say, it's time consuming, you begin to want your body back...so many reasons.
I now have a four (soon to be five) month old and I love nursing him. I love the bond, but also remember the feelings of wanting to wean with my oldest. I agree, it is a personal decision and the fact that you do nurse or try for any amount of time is a great accomplishment.
I am amazed at some of the info I see on women who breastfeed at 5, 6, 7 and older. To me that's a bit odd, too long, and more of an issue with the mother not wanting to let go, but I won't get into that.
Just thought I'd share that I found a really neat article that there is stem cells in breastmilk
http://www.sciencealert.com.au/news/20081102-16879
Doesn't really help too much with the guilt issue, but it's an interesting read! ;-)
Great hub! I have three grown children (now 29, 25, & 21 years old, so not children anymore). I was in La Leche League for 10 years straight while they were babies and toddlers--one would wean, the next would be born, and so on. My first nursed about a year, my second was almost 4 when I got pregnant with my last and didn't want to quit--but I was ready at that point. It's not fun to be pregnant and nursing a child who speaks in complete sentences. She got over it. My youngest, my son, used to bite me and laugh--so he got about three months of it and I said, OK, dairy's closed!
On the up side, it kept me skinny after the pregancies. I ate a like a lumberjack and the weight poured off.
Thanks for a sensible hub with much needed permission to dump the guilt. Christ we aren't the cause of EVERYTHING that goes wrong in our children's lives. Society praises motherhood and then is just terrible to mothers---mothers are blamed for everything. It's like, if you don't feel totally guilty all the time you must be a bad Mom. What crap. Here are my Mom Rules---You ask yourself three questions and three questions only:
1) Is anyone bleeding?
2) Is anybody naked?
3) Is anything on fire?
If you can answer "no" to 2 out of those 3, then guess what?
You're a good Mom!
Oh boy, I would have failed the naked question. repeatedly. Oh wait you only have to get 2 out of 3. Oh well then, I'm a good mom.
For those women who are breastfeeding exclusively there is a hidden danger. The latest medical evidence is that such babies are deficient in Vitamin D3. There are reports of rickets appearing around the US in babies exclusively breast fed. A deficiency that persists through childhood to adolescence to adulthood - leading later in life to the risk of a range of diseases. For those admirable women who do extend breast feeding for the known benefits PLEASE take a Vitamin D3 supplement (1,000 -2,000 IU daily) and make sure your baby gets at least 400 IU daily (In Finland babies get 2,000 IU daily to avert diabetes and other problems). If you have difficulty believing or understanding this take a look at my comments on http://www.erinpharm.org/vitamin_D.html. Medical experts are beginning to realise that Vitamin D3 deficiency exists in most children, adolescents, and adults. It is a national health crisis. Know about it. Become aware. Share your knowledge with others.
John Fahey, Ph.D.
Excellent article! At 7 months of age I have just switched my daughter to formula and am struggling with guilt for doing so. She really enjoys breastfeeding but I have come to realize that she is going to be fine with the switch. It's nice to have support and encouragement while breastfeeding however it's equally as nice to have support when you want to stop. Thank-you!
Did a Gerber or Enfamil pay you to write this asenine article? "Stopping breastfeeding is something that's a totally individual decision" Of course the decision to stop breastfeeding is up to the individual, that doesn't mean uniformed decisions are healthy. It is also a woman's personal decision to drink alcohol while pregnant. Does that mean there isn't one decision that is healthier than the other. Breastmilk is the best option for you baby and is recommended exclusively for the first 6 months of life my the AMA and American Pediatric Association. Listen to your doctor ladies. It is your decision, so make the right one.
Wow, that last comment is just rude. There is no RIGHT decision. It is different for everyone. Anyway, I was very happy to find this article because I am feeling guilty for stopping breatfeeding. My milk supply has completley dimminished on it's own & my daughter was suffering for it. At first I started supplimenting with formula after each feeding. Then after 2 months of doing this I was down to pretty much no milk at all. So I just decided to let it go completly. (I breastfeed her for 5 months total) I feel sad because I really loved the bond it gave us, but she has been doing just fine, if not better on formula. She doesn't have to work so hard to get only a few onces like she was doing while breastfeeding. She would end up soo mad that she was crying & so was I! It was just silly cause in the begining we had no problems & she nursed great! It was just when my milk got low when all this started. So, I am thankful for this article reassuring me NOT to feel guilty. Since there are soo many people like the commentor above me that make you feel bad about yourself.
you might think that you are gulity because deep down in your heart you know that your breat milk is the best for the baby then the regular enfamil
Lela, this is an important topic that doesn't get discussed enough so kudos to you for broaching a difficult topic.
I would advise any woman considering quitting breastfeeding to discuss it first with her doctor. Find an understanding, experienced doctor if possible (I know it isn't always possible!). Talk through the pros and cons and timing of stopping with your doctor. Also talk about how long you really need to do this. Don't go solely on articles or studies you find, not even 'scientific' ones. The majority of scientific studies published are pretty useless. Furthermore, it's VERY dangerous to make health decisions based on just one or two (or seven!) papers.
There are certain instances when it makes sense to stop (e.g. mother needs to go on medication, mother has poor health). However, if you're healthy, if you're producing milk well enough to fulfill your child and the ONLY barrier to breastfeeding is inconvenience or discomfort, I suggest just pushing through. This is your baby's health at stake.
The benefits of breastfeeding are not restricted to merely colostrum. Breast milk is more easily digested. Breastfed babies are less prone to allergies. They are also at lower risk of catching (potentially fatal) infections since there are no bottles, milk formula, water, or preparation involved and therefore a lower risk of contamination. You might be surprised how easy it is for an infant to catch a potentially dangerous infection from her food. This is especially true of those below 2 years of age. If you do stop nursing, make sure your speak with your doctor about all the ways you can protect your child from these harmful infections.
Yes, breastfeeding can be painful, unconfortable, inconvenient and it feels like you're tied to your baby and have no life of your own. But there are many aspects of parenting which feel exactly that way and you can't give them up simply because you're sick of it. Not when there is so much at stake. It's certainly true that this is a highly individual matter. Each mother and each child is unique. So speak to a qualified healthcare professional before making ANY decision that could impact your child's health and well-being. Put your child's well-being first. Get all the information you need from a reliable and qualified source so you can make an informed, responsible decision for both yourself and your child.
Lela, this is an important topic that doesn't get discussed enough so kudos to you for broaching a difficult topic.
I would advise any woman considering quitting breastfeeding to discuss it first with her doctor. Find an understanding, experienced doctor if possible (I know it isn't always possible!). Talk through the pros and cons and timing of stopping with your doctor. Also talk about how long you really need to do this. Don't go solely on articles or studies you find, not even 'scientific' ones. The majority of scientific studies published are pretty useless. Furthermore, it's VERY dangerous to make health decisions based on just one or two (or seven!) papers.
There are certain instances when it makes sense to stop (e.g. mother needs to go on medication, mother has poor health). However, if you're healthy, if you're producing milk well enough to fulfill your child and the ONLY barrier to breastfeeding is inconvenience or discomfort, I suggest just pushing through. This is your baby's health at stake.
The benefits of breastfeeding are not restricted to merely colostrum. Breast milk is more easily digested. Breastfed babies are less prone to allergies. They are also at lower risk of catching (potentially fatal) infections since there are no bottles, milk formula, water, or preparation involved and therefore a lower risk of contamination. You might be surprised how easy it is for an infant to catch a potentially dangerous infection from her food. This is especially true of those below 2 years of age. If you do stop nursing, make sure your speak with your doctor about all the ways you can protect your child from these harmful infections.
Yes, breastfeeding can be painful, unconfortable, inconvenient and it feels like you're tied to your baby and have no life of your own. But there are many aspects of parenting which feel exactly that way and you can't give them up simply because you're sick of it. Not when there is so much at stake. It's certainly true that this is a highly individual matter. Each mother and each child is unique. So speak to a qualified healthcare professional before making ANY decision that could impact your child's health and well-being. Put your child's well-being first. Get all the information you need from a reliable and qualified source so you can make an informed, responsible decision for both yourself and your child.
This article is talking about weaning, but most of the "reasons for weaning" seem to be things associated with new babies. It is like the author thinks that you can either breastfeed your children or feed them solids. When I assure you, at some point, unless you choose to wean before 6 months, they will most certainly be doing both.
For instance "time" - 2 hours a pop? Maybe during the first few months, but this gradually slows down. My little girl (16 months) still breastfeeds, and it never lasts for more than a few minutes at a time, the frequency is also quite reduced so scheduling actually isn't that hard. "Peace of mind" - you could also just encourage peace of mind by knowing that bfing and eating solids is a GREAT nutritional choice. Freedom to eat and drink - older babies do not need to bf on demand. I go for drinks with friends, my husband puts the baby to bed, and I make sure that she doesn't have any milk for several hours.
I definitely think people should make their own choice of when to wean their babies, and we need to feel supported in our choices, and yes there are lots of good reasons to wean. I just don't really think that publishing misinformation is at all helpful for mom's who are making either choice, to wean, or the even less socially acceptable one - continuing BFing.
BREAST IS BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats all i need to say!!!!
Oh my goodness! How is it that with every article on the web, eventually the comments get taken over by the breast feeding fascists. I am breast feeding my 3 week old, and I hate it. It hurts so bad that I'm generally reduced to random cursing and tears, and she seems hungry and fussy all the time. I am "sticking with it" because of advice from SUPPORTIVE family and friends, but I am made so angry by all these people who do not provide support, only guilt trips. Mothers, breastfeeding or otherwise, needs support, not guilt, and those of you who don't understand that are simply not good people at heart.
I agree, we need support, not guilt. I totally and completely understand that breast feeding is best. I am doing my best to breast feed as long as possible. Knowing that I was NOT breast fed and turned out just great with no major illnesses, allergies or anything, gives me peace of mind that when I choose to stop, it won't be the end of the world.
I need yo know how to stop him he throws himself down if i dont give it to him is is now 16 months and i want to stop but he want allow me top do so
I need help
The first weeks are a bit of a slog, but I found that after 8 weeks it was plain-sailing. No pain, no fuss, no hard feelings. I bottle fed my first and I must say I know which one I prefer. My baby is now 6 months and I can't imagine feeding him any other way. no making bottles, no heating them or any of the other crap. i love the bond and i'm way too lazy!!! My words to mothers getting through those tough first weeks is to join a support group, la leche or a gov. group. I found it gave me a great boost to be with people in similiar situations. and then I would just imagine the hardships of bottle feeding in my minds eye, whenever my thoughts wandered to stopping bfing. now I have no regrets and will carry on until I feel he is ready. but not too long....!
I dried up, and basically starved my first born, because I had no idea how much milk she was getting. Poor little thing. Once she went onto formula all was well.
But I had to deal with the guilt.
I am happy to say she is now 19 years old, so I did something right, lol.
I just weaned my baby, and man was it tough! I didn't feel as guilty about it, though. Check out my hub 'Only a Mother Could Breasfeed' to find out why.
I think others have made most good points so I'll stick to two.
Guilt is entirely personal. It is NOT caused by anything or anyone other than the person who feels it. It is the psyche's way of ensuring that we don't make bad decisions or any important decisions lightly. If you are feeling guilt, it is no-ones responsibility buut yours. So stop blaming breastfeeding promoters for it.
Yes, if you stop breastfeeding too early, it is BAD for your baby. Decades of research have proven this. This is why the American Academy of Pediatrics says that infants should receive nothing but breastmilk for the first six months of life, and should continue nursing till 1 yr. Thw World Health Organisation says Nursing should continue till 2 yrs old, MINIMUM. This is not in dispute. It is Medical Fact, formula is substandard.
The other point is this: notice all the formula ads next to this post. This article is itself, Formula marketing. It is LYING TO YOU. It's purpose is not to promote what is best for you and your baby. It's purpose is to SELL FORMULA. PERIOD.
Get your Parenting advice from The Academy of Pediatricians, who are concerned and informed about what is best. Not a huckster peddling poison.
Is this article a joke? Um look around at all the formula advertising. Get a grip.
Do women complain, oh I think I'm done with this pregnancy. I know I'm only 4 months along, but it's time to get my pre-pregnancy body back and have a life again. I "CHOOSE" to induce and hopefully the baby will be alright.
Yaaaaa, NO!
So how's about realizing that breastfeeding is part of the package. Part of the agreement of what you're supposed to do when you have a baby. And to have a little patience and get a little help if you need it.
Thanks for the hub on breastfeeding. Although I fed both of my babies breastmilk for over 13 months each, and never gave formula, this isn't always possible for everyone. As a healthcare provider with special training in breastfeeding, I am here to say that not all women can produce enough breastmilk- for a variety of reasons. Yet, most can. I am glad that for those women who can't produce any or not enough breast milk that there are other options out there. You are correct that any amount of breast milk is better than none! I think that life is too short to feel guilty about every little thing that happens! Having said that, "breast is best", and I encourage any woman who wants to breast feed but is having latch-on or milk supply issues to consult with a lactation consultant or breastfeeding educator before giving up.
I think that if you can breastfeed, then try to do it as long as you can up until about 6 months, which is when you introduce solids anyway.
I, however, could only feed my son for 3 months as he was such a big boy and was starving and screaming after each feed. I was made to feel guilty about putting him on the bottle but as soon as I put him on formula, he was like a new baby - Sleeping through the night and so content during the day.
My 6 week old daughter is currently being breastfed and is becoming quite unsettled and waking about 3 times a night. I will probably continue until she is also 3 months (at the most) as, hey, I need some sleep!
It can become quite stressful trying to provide milk for your child. If you are a hormonal person like me, then your hormones (which are going crazy while you are producing milk) can stuff you right up emotionally....I cry pretty much every day whilst breastfeeding....don't you think that a happy mum is a better mum for a baby????
Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about using formula. Sometimes, its actually the best thing for your baby as both you and them are happy and relaxed.
For all those breastfeeding Nazi's out there who abuse bottle feeding mothers who are just trying to feed their babies, hold back your insults until you know the full story and have a real understanding of what that person is going through and their reasons for doing what they are doing.
Breast is not always best. If it works for you and your baby, thats great. If it doesn't, then don't beat yourself up over it. Its not always just black and white.
Its like the difference between broccoli and brussel sprouts, not Broccoli and chocolate.
LeeAnnO says:
17 months ago
Excellent article, very informative! Wish I'd had your insight when I was weaning my youngest. Its wonderful that breastfeading is getting more support publicly, I wouldn't want it any other way. As a first time mom though, difficulties or failure to nurse can be crushing. There is so little feedback for a new mom to feel confident in mothering; to have so much public pressure on breastfeeding can sometimes intensify the feelings of inadequacy and shame when mom and baby don't click through the nipple. Thanks for reminding us that even one day is better than nothing. The effort is worth it but not at the risk of a mom's confidence and mental health. Basically - you're still a good mom if your baby prefers the bottle.
Great links, too! Thanks!