I was a Teenage Mother

I was 18 when I learned I was going to have a baby.

It was March of 1986 and my senior year of high school. It would be spring break soon and I was really looking forward to the break if I could only shake this flu that I seemed to have for the last few months or so.

The morning of the first day of spring break my sisters went to tell my mother that I was throwing up, again. My mother had 'that' disappointed look in her eyes as we sat down to have a long talk.

I was terrified of what others would think of me.

I had no idea how I was going to tell the father. I was so agonized over it that I allowed one of my friends to tell him for me. He was sweet, he put his arm around me and tried to comfort me in the best way a teenage boy could.

I graduated that year in June and up until that point I had a few friends who were sticking by my side. But of course it was now summer. What teen who just graduated from high school wants to go sit with someone their own age who is getting bigger with a baby? That summer my parents shipped me off to an aunts house to play nanny until the summer was over. I felt isolated and alone. But now that I think about it they did the right thing.

Coming back that August was a relief as I was quite homesick. Only 2 more months till the baby is born. I decide to call the father and let him know I was back.

He was timid when coming to visit as I guess any 18 year old male would be. It was an awkward visit and was soon over.

On an evening in early October I had just laid down to go to sleep when it felt like I had peed the bed but I never felt the urge. I rushed to the bathroom to evaluate the situation and had no clue. My mother had seen me rush to the bathroom and advised it was time to go.

At the hospital they explained that my water had broke and told me what that meant. Panic set in immediately. They then began to prep me for delivery. Which meant testing the amniotic fluid, testing to see how many centimeters I was dilated, an enema, and shaving pubic hairs. The more they did the more panic I became.

The labor pains gradually got stronger as the hours rolled by until I was in such a state that they gave me demerol to take the edge off. Well since I had not been much into pain medication it really knocked me out!

Now my memories of my sons birth include "Ma'am please wake up you need to push!"

I remember when he was born and placed him on my chest all I could say was "he has blue eyes" and promptly passed back out.

After having my son it was no picnic. Up at all hours with a crying infant, constantly changing or feeding, and a little being that constantly needed your attention.

And on top of all that, friends drifted away and no partner to help with support. However I did have my parents and my sisters who helped tremendously.

It was a long road working various jobs, always tired, crying, upset, or just plain angry.

But I would not change it for the world knowing I might have missed that cute first smile, the infectious giggle, the way he smiled while sleeping, his first of many things. I would never change having him. The only thing I would change is the timing of having him.

If I could have waited just a few more years, waited a little more time to mature, that would have been great.

But instead I went down a road full of curves and huge potholes that I would never recommend to anyone.

My best advice to teens today...Please WAIT!