I have learned a lot of things being married to a narcissist. Probably the most important thing is what I miss about being loved. The man doesn't love me. He never did. He never will. That realization just shocked the heck out of me. Well gee, I just threw twelve years of my life out of the window. The ONLY things I have to show for the time spent in this marriage are my children. I have NEVER been as starved for love as I have been in this marriage. And the funny thing is that he was telling me I didn't love him anymore and trying to extract even more love out of me like a vampire before I even realized how bitter I had become at the loss of having true love in my life. After awhile, I had become a little numb. If I had never been loved before, I would never have known the difference. It is this lack of love that I have lived with (in doses, we keep breaking up) that has starved me and brought to my attention the things that are lacking in my life. This relationship has drained me physically, emotionally and financially. I have never felt as alone as I did with that man. I came out of it a little jaded, but I did learn something. I learned what love means to me.

To me? Love is that feeling of bliss you get just being in the presence of the person that feels right for you. When you stay up late at night reading cool stuff to each other, and you don't even realize how late it has gotten. When you feel secure in knowing the person returns that feeling and would protect you from the bad guys because they want to, not because they have to. Love is when you feel at home with someone, and you don't feel a need to argue because you agree on just about everything. Love is when you can finish each other's sentences and you have a feeling that you know what they are thinking. Because you think the same way.

Love is knowing you can walk like an elephant, pick your nose, leave the bathroom door open, eat fried worms, or whatever other crazy things people do, and know that you will always be loved by this person.  No matter what.  Oh, and that you would love them even through the crazy things that happen in life. 

Love is knowing that you would take care of this person until they die if they are hurt, again because you want to and not because you need to. Love is knowing that this person would do the same for you. No matter what it is that you are doing for them.

Love is being considerate of the other person's feelings, breaking bad news gently and BURSTING with good news. True love is truly bliss.

For parents who love their children, there is no greater love than the love of a child. I mean, you have to earn it. You have to let them know from the time they are young, from being careful not to hurt their little infant fingers when you change their clothes, to making sure their food temperature is just right, to making sure you wash behind their ears, to crying when you send them off to school. Love is when you won't eat the last donut (or whatever it is), because you know the other person wants it.  I never eat the last anything, if my kids like it.  If there is something that none of them like, I eat it myself and never buy it again if I don't like it.

You treat the people you love the same way behind closed doors as you would in public. Truly there is someone always watching.  How do you think karma works?! 

You are mindful of their needs when asking favors. You want to make sure they get enough sleep. You want to make sure they have enough to eat. You want to take their picture. You want pictures of you together.

Love is the complete and total consideration that another person in this world actually means as much as you do. Wow. What a feeling.