Sir Mix A Lot said it best with his immortal lyrics. He liked big butts, and he wasn't alone. Many of us do. In fact, it's not so much a perversion, as a science. We can study the bottoms of various celebrities and compare them like fine wines, or sports cars, or bottle caps, you get the idea. The only thing that we can't very well do is collect them (well most of us anyway, no doubt there are rich eccentrics who do just that, but for most of us that will have to remain a forbidden dream.)

For us less rich in monetary terms, but I like to think, richer in spirit, I bring you another celebrity ass off. The contenders for tonight's battle of the booties are the lovely Kim Kardashian, and the songstress J.Lo.

Let us compare...

Kim Kardashian's behind simply has to be seen to be believed. Interestingly enough, it seems to have grown exponentially since she befriended Paris Hilton and subsequently released her sex tape. Has she had herself a little plastic surgery to enhance that booty? Nobody can be sure. Maybe she's just wearing tighter dresses, maybe she switched to cheeseburgers instead of subway sandwiches. What we can know for certain is that her ass could be equally effective as a shelf for small knick knacks as it is for drawing male attention.

Many would say that Kim Kardashian's ass is so grande that it has effectively beaten J.Lo out entirely. Think about it, when was the last time you heard Jennifer Lopez's backside being mentioned? Exactly. It's not as if J.Lo's got any smaller, it's simply a matter of it being upstaged by a new, younger, hotter ass.

Like any beauty contest, we have to at least pretend to give a damn about the moral, intellectual, and spiritual fiber of the contestants. Miss Lopez has expressed a preference away from world peace and towards the mass slaughter of small fuzzy creatures in the name of fashion. This demonstrates a level of shallowness of character which may account for some of the levity in her booty. Not concerned with the harder issues of life and living, neither her mind nor her ass are dragged down like so many others.

Kim on the other hand has maintained a plastic mystique (otherwise known as a 'plastique') about her persona. What does she think about global warming? I don't know. Does she kick babies for fun? Maybe. All we really know about Kim is that she enjoys exhibitionary shows and water sports in the bedroom, which is probably more than enough information for most people.

The Winner: For enduring public humiliation with a smile and an even tighter wardrobe than she boasted before, Miss Kim Kardashian wins this celebrity ass off by a country mile.