"I love you" is an Action Phrase

In the beginning of every Relationship, when men and women first start dating they can never spend enough quality Time with each other. No matter what we do for the other, it never seems to be enough. We dress to please our new Partners, we desire to make them happy and we shift our own interests to suit their needs. As time goes by and we are more secure in our Relationships suddenly this behavior seems to end. More often then not it is a gradual change and almost imperceptible, by the time it has fully come to turn, the feeling of "not even knowing this person anymore" hits like a Brick. What has happened, where is the caring man we fell in 'love'; with? Where is the always cheerful girl we couldn't be a moment without?

The truth is a sad one; the rose colored glasses of infatuation and lust have come off. For the first 1 - 2 Years of every Relationship, we only see the illusion of our Partner we wish to see. The annoying little habits of so and so are at first endearing, but as time goes on we see them for what they are. Hormones as well as Endorphins are to blame for this, as well as the "best foot forward"; we seem to present in the beginning. For woman it is often the sudden lack of acknowledgement and compliments which we no longer receive. Our looks have become familiar and we no longer stop the traffic for our guy. He has by now seen us sick, without make-up on and on our worst days. For the men, they no longer feel the need to try, the hunt is over and the Damsel rescued. If they don't move on to bigger and better things, they feel it is enough and if she doesn't complain that everything is in order.

Another reality is which a lot of women don't seem to know is that guys don't keep score. Females do. We have the notion that if we do more we spurn our man on to do more for us. However, by going out of our way and doing more, we are telling them that they are doing such a wonderful job of taking care of us that they deserve this little treat. We try harder and get more frustrated. Then suddenly we blow up.

Now after 3 Years down the road and suddenly love doesn't seem to be what it used to be. You and your Partner seem to drift apart and the romance is often starting to wane. You wonder in despair what has happened and in some cases try to find solace in the arms of another. In other cases we cheat emotionally on our Partners. The answer is that we never 'loved' up to this point. We were 'in love', infatuated, in lust and more. Now we are confronted with the real life Person we have chosen to partner us for the rest of our Lives or a long term.

Love, is an Action Word. It is something you actually have to work on. You can not just have it handed to you nor will it remain if you don't nourish it.

I would like to give you a pictorial description.

Imagine yourself as a Barrel. In order to be happy, content and fully functional this Barrel has to be full or as close to full as possible. It won't be always full, but if it becomes empty you will either get sick or walk. The Barrel I speak of is your Love Tank. In a Relationship, both Partners have to make certain that each others Barrel gets filled. The difficulty arises when your Partner is not aware of your needs, wants and desires or does not care. Another obstacle is that we each perceive love in a different way. For some love is shown through gifts, others see love as a physical thing; perhaps you need quality time with your partner to feel loved. Words of affirmation are yet another Sign of Love. So what Actions are required to make Love work for you?

Understand and recognize what makes you and your Partner feel loved

Take one month and go through the different ways of showing love. Remember that gifts don't have to be big. A Card that says how much your Partner means to you is a great Idea. Another might be a single Rose, a book, a Note in the lunchbook, a game your Partner can play on the computer, a favorite movie, a massage that you give. You see my point. Spending quality time, means actually paying attention to each other. Look at the other person while talking to them. A nice meal with candle light, holding hands etc. Words of Affirmation are the verbal expression that you are better of since they are in your life. If your Wife is a great Cook then tell her so. If your Husband is the best at fixing something, then make sure he knows that. If either of you have provided a service for the other, make sure you show appreciation. Don't take it for granted.

Take one month and go through the different ways of showing love. Remember that gifts don't have to be big. A Card that says how much your Partner means to you is a great Idea. Another might be a single Rose, a book, a Note in the lunchbox, a game your Partner can play on the computer, a favorite movie, a massage that you give. You see my point. Spending quality time means actually paying attention to each other. Look at the other person while talking to them. A nice meal with candle light, holding hands etc. Words of Affirmation are the verbal expression that you are better of since they are in your life. If your Wife is a great Cook then tell her so. If your Husband is the best at fixing something, then make sure he knows that. If either of you have provided a service for the other, make sure you show appreciation. Don't take it for granted.

After going through the different ways in combinations or single pay attention to which seems to give the best reactions. "Hint" most have a bit of Affirmation and Physical Touch in them. Physical Touch is not just sexual contact either.

Give each other Space

As important as quality Time is, you have to allow each other some space as well. By permitting each other to have some personal down time or time to pursue ones own interests and hobbies without the cloud of guilt above the head; you allow each other to have a fully charged Battery.

Most men don't like being "attacked" right after Work. A big smile, hug and kiss is great, but complaining about your day with the kids, your work day etc is off limits until after he has had a little time to unwind. Normally 1 - 2 hours of personal time will assure you a much more receptive husband then if you go on the attack right from the beginning. Likewise don't command your wife's attention if she wants to take a long bubble bath or read a book. Men and Women relax differently. Allow each other that difference.

Understand that we are not the same.

Each of us has different needs and wants. What might be perfect for you, may not work for your partner. By accepting and embracing those differences, we are much better of. Think about it this way. If we all were the same, a lot of ground would not be covered. By embracing the strength and weaknesses we become a whole.

In the end you have to know if it is something you want to last for the rest of your life and is worth the effort or not. If it is then take action and show love. If not, then please don't waste each others time. It isn't fair to either one of you.