I'd like to know who should come first,the guy you are with, or kids?
51Kids and Relationships
Hi everyone.
I have received a request about this subject, so of course I am going to give my opinion about it. This topic is very confusing, and everyone will feel differently on the topic.
I am a single parent, and my child just turned 10 years old. I have been in a relationship with a man who had two older children than mine. The son lived with his father and his daughter lived with her mother. His kids were in ninth grade and 5th grade. That relationship was a few years back. I have also been in a relationship with a man who also had an older child who had just finished high school. This section is just to give you all a brief background of me.
The question was asked; "I'd like to know who should come first, the man or the kids?" I think it is very difficult as a single parent to put a man that you have a relationship with, first above your child. I think later on, if the relationship turns into marriage, then by all means you should put that person first, because the marriage benefits the children. That's how a marriage grows. You should put each other first, if you are married.
This by all means doesn't mean you don't love that person. I agree that there are many forms of Love. I think a person can only give, what they can give. Not to say, thay can't give more, but to say as the relationship grows, things change. Feelings change and grow. Love changes and grows.
If you are meant to be together, you will be together. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. There is always a reason why things happen. Whether the things are good or bad. Every-one's life has a path.
There are many topics in this tiny hub of mine, and will be discussed later.
Your feedback is always welcomed.....
Have a wonderful day........Patti
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Thanks Lgali for reading...
Hi Fergie,
My personal opinion is that the child should come first. As you know, children are forever, a lot of men are not.
There will be times as your child gets older that she will need to understand that even adults need some alone time. She will also need to know that she can't have anything she wants when she wants it. At times, other things do need to come before the child. For example, you've committed to a shopping excursion with your girlfriend, or a girls night out, and she springs on you the last minute that she wants to go to McDonalds or something. That's when you will explain to her why that won't be possible that particular day. You could then enlist her help in picking out another day and then stick to it.
As her maturity level increases you can then decide how well she handles the information you give her, and know whether or not you can trust her to understand your position on certain things.
I also feel it is not a good idea to tell her things that you know she can't handle. When a child asks for information you don't need to go into all the details. It's probably more than they can comprehend anyway when they are young. Just give them a simple answer that will answer the basic question.
Do you have male relatives? Perhaps a grandfather or uncle of hers could share time with her so she has some male role models to observe.
Good luck and welcome to HubPages.
Kids must come first, I made the mistake of doing it the other way around and it was a disaster. Kids first then you.
Thank you Trish 1048 for some great advice. I appreciate it dearly. Thanks for reading.
Thank you cindyvine for reading my hub.
Kids always come first, the result of that not being the status is lifelong. However, that does not mean that adults take a back seat so that their needs are never met. We do not do the child favors, by missing the important lesson that other people matter, including mom or dad.
Having said that, mom and dad's needs should never be such, that it puts the child in harms way. If they have a bad feeling about a romantic relationship, then mom or dad needs to address that fear/feeling in a positive and healthy manner until the child is feeling more accepting. Besides, the child could be picking up on something we are not aware of....
I've seen dozens and dozens of kids harmed by romantic partners or friends of the parents, because parents were really busy meeting their own needs. We are watchdogs, and as such, we must guard our children.
Again, let me emphasize, it doesn't mean mom and dad shouldn't have friends, it means we need to tip the scales in the kids' favor.
=)) social circles are important, within safe boundaries. sorry for such a long comment. Excellent topic and trish, way to go with your comments too!! great comments here.
Thank you marisuewrites for your great advice. I do know that kids pick up things that adults do not see. Thanks
thats not right
Who comes first?
Should the person you are with come first over the children?
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Lgali says:
9 months ago
nice article