If I were Satan?
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If I were Satan? It is a strange title but I was just thinking......what would I do if I wanted to screw up the works of God? Hmmmmm.
First....I would start organized religions....a bunch of them....they would all think that they are exclusivly right!......Oh cooool.....I can make evil appear to be good....genius!
Second....Hmmmm....I have to have a lure...ahhh....money and power. Somebody has to run and promote the religion....hmmmm...YES!.....pay them well....take good care of my boys just for squawking!.....Genius!!!
Third.....I need a gimmick....That Nazarene made it tough with that love crap! Hmmmm....they did murder him though.....I need an idol....hmmmm....oh yeah! The murder tool! The cross....that can be my gimmick...they will forget all about that Jesus love crap if I give them a symbol to worship and have them believe that everybody who doesn't worship it, goes to hell....haaa....Genius!
Fourth....Muslims...Hmmmm...already made them hate Jews....hmmm....how can I make them hate Christians? That's it...infadels...of course....destroy the infadels! Hell yes...I can promise them 70 vrigins and a mansion....oh I am good!
Fifth.....The Nazarene is really going to be pissed at me for this one....have the religions believe that God is punishing mankind....killing innocent people....diseases...plagues....hmmmm, and might as well throw in a few disasters! I love that contradiction...God of love....kills and tortures for eternity!.....Oh I am sooooo smart!
Sixth.....That's it!....I'll make the Christians hate each other over doctrine! Star Belly Sneeches...thanks Seuss! The Cross Belly Christians.....Genius!
Seventh....Make them believe that my power is in the secular world....it's hard to think that humans would be so ignorant to believe that I care about the people who don't come to my religion...the secular world bores me...I've done it all....but...I can make them hate the secular world and keep to themselves....therefore....retaining my influence....Genius!
Eighth....I can make them think that if they give money to my religion...they will be rewarded ten fold in monetary value.....Wow....I just turned the Nazarene's love into filthy money! They wont want his love....they want my money!
Ninth.....I have to keep confusion of the truth going.....hmmmm......did the Dead Sea scrolls thing....hmmm...ahhh....that's it! Damn...it's been there all along! "What's in it for me?" Good old greed....Nanny Nanny boo boo....I get a mansion....you go to hell...you! Why do they always fall for that one? It's a spiritual mansion...DUH!
Tenth.....Let me see....hmmm...the icing on the cake. Oh...all the wonderful works they did in his name! I can't wait until the day he tells them,"Go away from me, I never knew you!" Genius!
Hmmm...I am kind of wondering tho....is God letting me do this? Naaaa...I'm a genius!
I do like the babes!
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Comments
Hmmm. Ya know I like this. You can really think like the devil! (ps, love the poster!)
Thanks nazishnasim....I just get curious and write. :)
Candie...yip...I got it from years of dealing with religion. :)
ROFL!...That cartoon is a perfect icing on a very good cake!
Beautiful. ROFL. The force is with you Tom.
LAWL and assorted other Internet acronyms to denote amusement.
You are a smart cookie Tom....and I would have thought you had the first one on one interview with Beelzebub himself....too bad most people can't read the writing on the wall....GOOD HUB! ~JJ
Perfect!
If I really think about, as well as a laugh, Tom, you actually make sense.lol
I love this, Tom. Good job. And the cartoon is perfect
Hahaha, good T, I too have tried to think like him. Not hard really once you really get to know him. LOL
Absolutely great! That's why I picked you as the hubber I would co-author a novel with.
LOL thanks for the giggle :D
Excellent work, Tom.
ROFLMAO!!!!!
OH How I wish my father in law would read this. OHHHH this is good stuff ..PURE GENIUS!!!!!!
Thanks trooper22...devils food cake! :)
Jewels....thanks...grins! :)
Shadesbreath.....thank you. :)
Pachuca13....thank you...gonna write more about old Scratch. :)
Gypsy Willow...thank you. :)
Hawkesdream....it was an accident! :)
alekhouse...thanks...I love that cartoon! :)
ralwus.....thanks...not hard at all. :)
Pete...thank you.....writing with you would be very cool! :)
You have worked this so well, that the religions are lining up for your advertising space. LOL
I am very religious and you hit the nail on the head, directly. Martin Luther said the Church of Christ was no longer on the earth. Well, Satan got involved. The Bible says there will be an falling away, and in some translation it says apostosy.
Will the full truth be on earth again?
Keep on Hubbing!
Janetta...thanks for the giggle! :_)
Not Telling...thank you! :)
J-Mae.....grins....in-laws! :)
Paper Moon...LOL ...I love irony! :)
eovery...good point...thanks! :)
Shhhh Tom - you shouldn't be publishing all of your secrets for all to see. Next time use reverse Latin or at least Pig Latin ;)
shibashake....mums the word! :)
Don't forget "The View". Only Satan could've been responsible for that.
Thanks Dr. Larkin........yes....absolutely! :)
Find a bible collage? Get ye to school Satan! Rofl.
Already got my GED.....God's Evil Demon! :)
Great Hub!! and so true
dori
Thanks fortunerep...yes...soooo true! :)
Thanks fortunerep.....so true indeed...grins! :)
The Devil you say! Very nicely done, great hub!
liminal....thanks...grins! :)
Funny Stuff. I look forward to your other hubs.
Thanks Adam...going to read your stuff too. :)
I couldn't have said it better!
Good VS Evil...as I believe your planet is what you make of it, heaven for many..hell for others, Satan is merely a representation of all of the bad actions, while God is the good.
Thanks Ixxy.....Good vs Evil......well said.
nazishnasim says:
7 months ago
Pure genius! I simply loved the way how you went around the topic ... above it and below it ... but didn't hit the point and still did it in a way that it couldn't have been better! Touche!