If you step outside your own personal beliefs and try to reason out possible answers to this question objectively, you'll come up with the following thoughts:

In order for marriages to be made in Heaven there has to be a Heaven. Some people don't believe there is. So, if there's no Heaven that pretty much answers the question.

If, on the other hand, there is Heaven (God):

Its possible that when there's genuine love at the time of a marriage that marriage was "made in Heaven", but if love dies then maybe we can assume Heaven didn't plan to have that love last forever.

Its possible that everyone in our lives are supposed to be there at the time they are and that Heaven has plans for people that don't always include remaining married. People learn a tremendous amount about life, themselves, marriage, and love when a marriage fails. Many failed marriages result in children. Marriages could be made in Heaven, but maybe they're not made to last for a reason.

All life in this Universe is temporary. It may be wrong to assume that Heaven plans for permanence in living creatures.

Its possible that only marriages that last and thrive are made in Heaven, and that marriages that don't aren't.

When you think about how normal, loving, mothers feel about their children you get an idea of the solid, unwavering, permanent, deep love that Heaven can create. At the same time, Heaven doesn't create that love in 100% of parents. This would lead us to believe that Heaven creates love only some of the time, and the rest of the time it has its reason for not creating that permanent bond. Its possible it works the same way for marriages.

When you think about that normal bond mothers have for their children forever, though, you can imagine how a marriage should be built on a bond that may be different but is of equal permanence. Not all marriages are, so not all marriages could be said to have been made in Heaven.

This brings us back to the idea that not all marriages are built on that super-permanent, solid, kind of love; and that Heaven may instead create relationships for reasons other than that permanent bond. Again, though, if Heaven is creating relationships for some other reason then that goes back to the idea that once Heaven's reason has been served the plan could be that both partners move on.

Marriages and divorces aren't really about who can live happily together at all times and forever. Its about who has that super-strong, permanent, deep bond that draws the partners together rather than driving them within themselves and/or away from the marriage. Many people believe very deeply that once a relationship becomes destructive and unhealthy that is not the way Heaven wants people to live the one life they've been given. These people believe that only nurturing and loving situations are condoned by Heaven.

People who have not been through divorce don't understand what is at the root of it any more than people who have never experienced that solid, permanent, deep bond only some married people have experienced know what that's like.

So what about the mediocre or good-enough marriages that people keep together in spite of their lack of true, solid, love? Well, maybe they were made in Heaven for some reason. Maybe those people weren't supposed to experience that super-strong, intense, love that only some do.

What about the destructive, horrible, lonely and even abusive marriages that are unhealthy for the partners and children, but that people hold together anyway? Since I don't happen to believe that Heaven ever condones anything that is destructive to the soul I don't believe marriages like this are made in Heaven. Of course, I suppose that the punishment for staying in these destructive situations is that the people feel they are living in Hell here on Earth. The trouble is the children in these marriages get punished and damaged too.

I, personally, suppose I believe that each life and each soul has its individual journey and that there isn't a one-size-fits-all rule that Heaven imposes on everyone. If there's a plan that even a marriage that's made in Heaven is to dissolve then that's what happens. Another possibility is that people marry the wrong person, which amounts to going against Heaven's plans for what it takes for a good marriage. As a result, the people suffer the consequences of divorce. If this is the case, you can't blame the people most of the time because most of the time they marry the wrong person out of not knowing any better.

Still, most divorced people will tell you that they don't see their original marriage as a mistake because no marriage that results in such wonderful children could ever be seen as a mistake.

On the other hand, is there a chance that all marriages - wonderful, ok-enough or rotten and destructive - are made in Heaven and are supposed to last forever? In all objectivity, I suppose there is that chance. I suppose the punishment for divorce could be all that awful things that can happen as a result of it. I suppose, too, maybe divorced people even get sent to Hell. I don't happen to believe that, but in all objectivity, I have to acknowledge that its also a possibility. Maybe Heaven decides that some people shall be deprived of love, peace, and happiness for their whole life - for no reason that anyone understands. Maybe Heaven doesn't want people trying to find those things in their life. Maybe Heaven wants children coming from empty, cold, destructive, home environments for some reason.

Most religions are the first to say that our physical bodies are not who we are and that our souls are what its all about. One might ask if the soul's yearning to be in a situation that isn't destructive to that soul, itself, could ever be considered a sin. One might even ask if the soul's wish to move on (through divorce) toward eternity is the very thing that tells it its time to move on.

I've enjoyed pondering all this on this rainy Sunday. Its time I go and get ready to go out for my usual coffee with my ex-husband. It turns out that it took divorce to return us to our pre-marriage state of being best friends who didn't have what it took to thrive in a marriage. It has also taken divorce to turn us from parents in a bad relationship to parents who are divorced but have a special bond and are close anyway.

"What God has joined together let not man put asunder": In our own way, we've discovered that the only way not to "put asunder" what God may have once created between us, was to end a marriage that was destroying the good we shared and build separate lives where the good we've always shared can thrive. When staying in a marriage really results in "putting asunder" what good there was once was sometimes divorce is the only option.