...they would speak English, of course, and would say "go wash your feet, they stinketh almighty!"

Fortunately women's shoes don't speak orally, for if they did they probably wouldn't get a word in edgeways - ** OUCH! Hey, that has a heel! You could have taken my eye out with that... :(

Women's shoes do speak visually though. They're fluent too. Some women realize this fact and use it to their advantage. For those that don't, here's a tip: wearing the right shoes can be used, in some cases, to manipulate men. Oh, I've said too much, sorry guys.

Very nice! A visually pleasing piece of (very sexy) footwear. These shoes display an air of confidence. When you walk in them you are walking with a sense of purpose. The only downside, if it is one, is that people will hear you coming!

Actually that's not true. There is another downside.These shoes can be very difficult to walk in and can be uncomfortable. Apparently there are small gel pads that you can buy to make walking in stilettos (and all high heeled shoes for that matter) are more bearable experience. (see bottom of hub)

These are formal shoes, they can be business shoes but are more suited to an evening out at a posh restaurant.

High heeled stilettos say "My woman's confident, important and in control." 

Well, I'm sure you saw this category of shoes coming a mile away! Moreover, you'd have probably seen the shoes themselves from a mile away!

Knee high boots scream for attention and men that see the women that wear them are not afraid to give it (particularly if the knee high boots are made of skin tight red leather, have a stiletto heel and are worn by a woman standing on a street corner)! It is for this reason that they are given the nickname "FM Boots". If you don't know what that stands for, google it.

Women from Nashville stereotypically wear another form of knee high boots over their jeans: cowboy boots. Now those boots are made for walking.

You should check out Isabella Snow's Sexy Knee High Boots FAQ for some great tips to looking awesome.

The right kind of knee high boots say "My woman oozes sex and is not afraid to show it. She's good at being bad!" 

Ah, the ugg boot. Always warm in the winter and has been more of a comfort rather than a style. However, since this has been adopted by the mainstream consumer, its comfort has become style.

It is now acceptable to walk around shopping centres in ugg boots, whereas a couple of decades ago it was considered "unladylike" to be seen in public with your slippers (essentially).

Traditional ugg boots go up to the bottom of your calf. There are some you can get now which are knee high. What clever marketing! Like a lot of knee high boots, these could also fall into the category of "FM" boots. I therefore dub the knee high ugg boot the Fugg Boot (or the "FM Ugg Boot").

What's this? Wait a minute! A quick search online and you'll find that there are some really stylish ugg boots out there. Check out the Caroline Boot! You can see a 360 degree view of this from uggaustralia.com.

There are some good hubs on Ugg Boots and Best Ugg Boot Styles.

Ugg boots say nothing, they are just greatful to be warm and toasty on a cold winter's day. 

Also known as "thongs" if you're Australian, "flip flops" are a simple footwear item. In the summertime you can find some great flippers, elegant in their simplicity.

A rule of thumb: keep the basic ones for the beach and the nicer ones for BBQs and pool gatherings, to match your floral summer dress. An extra fashion tip: paint your toenails or wear an anklet!

Flip flops are great because they allow your feet to breath and they are open so your toes aren't squashed at the tip of a great looking but uncomfortable boot. When you wear them it shows you are relaxed, comfy and yourself.

Flip flops are unable to talk like other women's shoes. Instead, they communicate in a series of flips and flops, almost like morse code but more regular. When they do communicate, it is not important, they just get about with whatever they are doing and just "be".