If You See My Wife's Ass, Please Grab It
79I was reading a hub by rockinjoe, the other day. He has a lot of great hubs, but this one was a passionate tribute to his wife's naked chest. Well, needless to say, I was touched. It was a fabulous chest, and his pride was more than obvious. The photos simply could not do it justice. I was awestruck. But, more importantly, I was inspired.
I decided it was high time that my wife's beautiful ass got the attention that it so richly deserved. So, off I went to get my camera. It was all downhill from there, I'm afraid.
|
BIG FAT AMERICAN ASSES
Price: $16.99
List Price: $16.99 |
|
Lorell Dolan - V133 - "Selina's Bare Ass"
Price: $19.95
|
|
Bottom Buddy
Price: $39.95
|
|
Sizzlin' Latinas 2
Price: $13.00
List Price: $21.95 |
A Fine Ass, Remembered
As I said, it was a beautiful ass. Sure it was a little out of shape, but it still had a lot of good years left in it.
I'll never forget the day she took her ass to the county fair. She won the blue ribbon in the "most beautiful ass" competition, after which, children lined up to ride her ass around the grounds. Parents were snapping photos, there was live news coverage; it was a proud day, for us both!
And talk about a hard worker! My wife could plow the straightest row I've ever seen, with her ass. It took a little longer, that way, but the result was well worth it. Of course, as time went by, it got more difficult. There were times when I had to drag her ass out of bed, to get anything done.
Then there was the time that I had a little too much to drink, at a party. I started a game of "Pin The Tail On My Wife's Ass". Needless to say, she was less than enthused. To this day, I am still hearing about that one. Every time I crack a beer, I hear "Don't you even think about touching my ass!" Ok, ok, lesson learned.
Perhaps my fondest memory, was the time I donned my leather chaps, and cowboy hat, and rode her ass all the way into town. People were coming out of their houses to watch us go by. Pointing and laughing. I remember old Homer Bellweather shouting: "Way to go B.T.! You ride that ass all the way to Indiana, Boy!" Good times.
|
Plush Durham Donkey 17"
Price: $15.91
|
|
Shrek Costume Accessory Donkey Teeth and Ear Set New
Price: $4.98
List Price: $12.19 |
|
Donkey Foal Toy, 2.91"
Price: $2.49
List Price: $2.49 |
|
The Donkey Companion: Selecting, Training, Breeding, Enjoying & Caring for Donkeys
Price: $13.48
List Price: $24.95 |
How Could I let Such An Incredible Ass Get Away???
Back to the point of the hub. I started out to do a pictorial tribute to this amazing ass. But, again, I may have had one or two beers too many. I was doing this beer therapy thing, that I had read about on hubpages. It's supposed to make you smarter, or something. I've only been doing it for a week or two, so the jury is still out on that one.
So anyway, I had my wife's ass in front of me. It was all centered in the frame (and I had to take several steps back, to get it all in there), but something just didn't look right. It needed some finishing touches.
So after I swatted the flies that were buzzing around her ass, I got out the hair brush. I had to be sure the hair was laying just right because, as you well know, there is no sadder sight than an ass with a cowlick.
Everything was just about perfect, and I was putting a pink bow on top, to complete the effect, when that damned ass kicked me and bolted from the barn. I was in utter shock as I watched it jump over the apple cart, and disappear over the horizon. Even in my state of shock, I was able to think quickly enough to snap one picture, as it ran away. Please look at it carefully, so that you can identify this ass, if it should turn up in your area.
Searching In The Dark
When I told my wife that I had accidentally set her ass free, she was absolutely beside herself. I wisely stayed downwind, so she couldn't smell the beer, but she knew.
After I had calmed her down, we began to search. We searched throughout the afternoon, and into the night. The search was fruitless, though. It had gotten too dark to see. Even with both hands outstretched, so as not to bump into anything, we couldn't find her ass in the dark.
I Need Your Help!
We continue to search, but I fear that this ass has had too much of a head start. I'm not even sure that it's still in this state. All I am asking, is that you keep your eyes open. If you should see my wife's ass, please grab it. Just shoot me an email, and I'll be over as soon as I can, to ride it home.
In the meantime, the stall where her ass spent so many happy years, remains sadly empty. I don't think that I can buy her a new ass. She was so attached to the old one, that it just wouldn't be the same. I have heard that chickens eat less, and require less space, so I'm thinking maybe I'll get her a cock.
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
Very good BT, I love these kind of hubs :)
genius.
Bravo!
BT - you're a riot - you really are! I'm almost falling off my chair laughing my you know what off! Don't tell me you've sent TOF after it - he seems to have disappeared from the scene!
Have to admit BT, at first, I thought it was a pretty assinine hub, but now I realize you're a real asset to the community. Let me know if I can assist you in your assesment.
BDazzler - that was fasst and fantasstic!!! :D
I think I saw your wife's ass around here. Kinda round? Soft? Going gray? Earthy smell? Her ass was all wet from the rain, and I thought someone should get with that ass for the purpose of a blow job.
Next time I see your wife's ass, I will lasso it and hold it for you.
I can't beleive you would talk about your wifes ass like that. And why do you have a picture of a donk...oh....I get it! You were talking about her Ass. Good one!
I really enjoyed it B T-great Hub
There was a girl from Madras,
Who had the most beautiful ass,
Not as you think,
Firm, round, and pink;
But grey, with long ears, and ate grass.
Very funny B.T.
BTW don't let Christoph get ahold of your wifes ass, you know how those southern rednecks are. Crap I think I hear the banjos playing already.
Assalopes all around us.
The ass was a fine musician tired of plowing and no doubt went to Brementown. Perhaps he'll send you a card via the Hell P.O.
And stop smoking your own antlers, Head of State of Shock.
I spotted it! It just went down the street with your AdSense! Can't say for sure, but I think Christoph was on it's back.
Um....is there some kind of reward for the safe return of your wife's ass?
A baritone no doubt. You'll hear him singing the Donkey Serenade.
I thought that it had absconded to the Indians. To find it, follow the arrows - oops, wrong Indians, Sorry Shalini, sorry Patty. I'm sure that he's much happier where he is than with a drunken sex-crazed Satanic midget. Make sure he gets his oats, (I mean the mule.)
Er, Shirley, was that the donkey or the Jackalope?
great technique to bring traffic..
It's been a long time since I was serenaded by a donkey :)
LOL, BT. You're awesome.
I thought I saw your wife's ass walking the streets, so I assumed you'd turned her out just for one particular trick. In case you didn't hear, one of your neighbors (way across town) had allowed her giant ass to plant itself squarely on her husband, and it wasn't moving. He was in some distress, and was heard begging anyone, anyone with a really good, solid ass for help. He said a second ass would be able to entice his wife's ass into getting up.
If your wife's ass never made it over there, though, your neighbor could be pinned down even as we speak. A mutual friend told me that that jenny is really stubborn! The poor man could still be out there now, making a feeble attempt to get somewhere with his impromptu roll in the hay. I hope no one gets hurt, of course, but I think it's equally important that the climax of this unusual story turns out to be a satisfying one for everyone involved.
One last thing. If you do end up giving the cock to your wife, make sure her ass is comfortable having it around. I don't know exactly what her ass is capable of, but I know I wouldn't want to see it sitting on your face!
Please be careful.
TOF - Well, it was dark but I'm pretty sure it was the ass, I think BT's shorter. How it got across the border, I don't know. Guess it has a passport.
Dunno where the evil one got to....called up to the AdSense office, maybe. Or his wife has beaten him black and blue and he can't see to type.
Holy cow! There's no way I can catch up on these comments! Thanks, everyone, for coming by. I hope you had a chuckle!
I laughed and cried at the same time. Awesome hub.
High praise, indeed, from a comedian! Thanks rockinjoe!
ROFLMAO
Glad I made you laugh, Misha! Nice new avatar, too!
so many people are interested in viewing your wife's ASS?
@Jim:
No, I'm sorry to say it's not.
If you look real close, you'll see that the handome bloke is actually hubber agvulpes.
You mention a large rooster, and all the boys come out to play, With the exception of BT, who's hub this is. He of course was rightly horrified and went away to play with himself. Self esteem and strong spectacles undoubtedly helped him in his quest in answering this belittling problem.
Well girls, if you're still interested in B.T.'s old and grey wrinkled ass (It was never his wife's, that was just a shallow subterfuge.) God bless you and praise you, or if you wish and are more comfortable with it, may Allah, Buddha, The Great Po Ba, Christopher Mandible, George W or The Tooth Fairy offer you similar relief.
Is your ass any relation to that famous Spanish ass, Donkey Oaty? If so, maybe he's whipped out his passport, and set off for the Costa del Sol.
*Takes a break from work, picks a ringside seat and sits back in anticipation for the class act that's unfolding!!*
Amanda - with or without Sancho Panzass??
LMAO!! Let the laughter begin!!
Bathed in sunshine, Sancho Panzass, Donkey Oaty, and Cock O'van look up from their poolside cocktails, and cast an eye over the newcomer, 'D'you want a dreenk Amigo?' Donkey Oaty assks politely.
'Gee, that would be swell. I'm so parched after that journey. The assent was very bumpy, and as for the other passengers! Say, could I just have one of those bourbons on the rocks?
Donkey Oaty obliges his American cousin with a generous slug of Bourbon served in a washing up bowl, and garnished with some cocktail cherries and a straw.
'Could I skip the straw and have some hay instead?' the new-comer assked.
I'm monitoring you lot, and will be sending some of you a large bill for the use of much of my registered and copyrighted puns, double entendres, and other assorted intellectual property.
Cherchez la femme - and you'll find she can beat you guys at your own game any day! Mandy you are absolutely incredible!!
It's Saturday - wish I could stick around but I gotta go - catch you late tonite after hubby's asleep :)
Say Amanda wasn't that there Donkey oaty guy coming over the hill with his meat wagon. Or was he just pleased to see you?
Sweet dreams Shalini. I shan't be able to play tonight as I've got my brothers and sisters coming over for a pre-Christmas meal. I'll be thinking of you though!
Hi Double Entendre and Ag,
So, Ag, did you have a good trip, and did you get past the Golden Arches this time? Donkey Oaty can parade his meat wagon passt me any time he likes, but it'll do him no good, as I'm a vegetarian!
DE; these aren't puns, these are genuine literary gems!
Hi Amanda, I havn't fully recovered yet, but I believe I was dragged out of some deep dark hole by Sir Eric the Red and he's Lanced-a-lot. I know I got past the Golden Arches and I finished up in Lakes Entrance. I'm a bit nervous about that Chi Chi??, and dont mention that Mrs. Shades?
They've been pining for you Ag. But no matter, you're back now. You foxes have to watch out for those deep dark holes. You never know where they might lead!
Don Keys steed was a spavined nag called Rosinante, it was Sanch', who followed behind, riding his ass. (BTW, old Don thought the GG Rosey far superior to Alexander's phalus called Buse.)
This has little to do with B.T.s wife's ass which is in hiding on an unnamed reservation, under the witless protection programme. After all , having been closely allied to nearly 500 snotty nosed little B.T.s, it's well past its use by date.
It's now midnight on the ocean, there's not a streetcar in sight, and I'm off for an early night.
Bucephalus was a mighty black stallion with a white star on his forehead, apparently, but Rosie can dream... it's good to have asspirations!
Okay this is a little, well, just a little interesting LOL.
BT just when did that ass of yours take off. I ask you this because I'm sure I saw some poly over here in Asstralia walking around with a tail between his legs!
ROFL funny!!!!
Are you sure it was his tail Ag?
Sorry to have missed all this fun. I've had to leave Washington, and rush back home to Hell. As I understand it, a once in a lifetime event is going on there, at this very moment. If the rumors are true (and I have no reason to believe otherwise) I will report on it, over the weekend.
Hey BT,
A friendly warning - Mrs. Shades is after you!
http://hubpages.com/hub/Mr-Evilpants-Goes-To-Washi
I'm orf to dreamland now. Bye all.
Thanks for the heads up, EG. Sleep tight.
Very hilarious hub BT. The ending is a climax.
B.T.,
An update on the guy trapped under his wife's ass:
No other ass ever turned up, but it's OK. A passerby was able to help with a simple but emphatic encouragement. They say he practically ejaculated the phrase, "Jack, off. Jack, off! JACK, OFF!"
I understand that everything came out fine in the end. I hope the news allows you and everyone else to sigh (with relief). It did the trick for me.
Thank you for that gripping tale Stirling. It can't have been B.T.s ass though, as he's a self made Jackalope.
There are strong indications that he actually now has it back and just isn't letting on - playing an our good will and sympathy to wring out unmerited support.
He admits to rapid commuting between Washington and a far far better place:
"JackaDoodle went to town,
Riding on a donkey..." And now he hasn't a fevver to fly with.
I guess you just overused your stick on your wife's ass BT :D
Misha, that ass has never seen a stick! It didn't care for the brushing, though. And I won't even tell you about the waxing.
Who is that in Misha's avatar??
Hi Shirley,
I think it's Misha's son. Anyway, a great improvement on the last few avatars :-)
Glad to see you getting back into the hub action, EG. Still looking for shades, and Spryte, though.
Spryte's horoscope told her to avoid being forced to grant stupid wishes when the moon was in the first quarter. Tinkerbell concurs. Watch out B.T., he's getting low on toilet tissue.
Watch out even more now B.T., Shades is searching the hubs for you, badly disguised as his wife, in a padded bra and revoltingly applied green lipstick. He reeks of cheap perfume and revenge, is armed and dangerous, and wants to attenuate one or more of your appendages.
Trust me ol' buddy, I'm behind him... I mean you, all the way!
Great hub!! I'll be on the look out to see what you come up with next. lol
Tootles!!
TOF, that's not Shades. I know who it is, though, and he has found me!
Nayberry, thanks. Come back, any time!
Eric, you think that's an improvement for Misha? I dunno. I kinda miss the one with the lipstick.
Hey! If I see your wife's ass I'll grab it for ya; since you praise it so high i might keep it and ride it for a while; hope you don't mind.
LOL BT, just go to Milla's hub about me modeling coach, and you'll see it there, right on the top. For some reason this innocent pic disgusted the hell out of Mark and Eric :D
You could take a million out of that left over champaine fund and buy your wife a new ass without a crack in it.
I saw that hub, Misha. It was priceless. You are definitely in touch with your feminine side!
3rdalien, you HAVE been away for a while! Welcome back! As for the ass, I'm afraid a cracked one, is all I can afford.
I would go for the champane too, personally, cuz on the the one hand you have two smelly bumps, and on the other you have a smoth round stinkin ass anyway. Champane goes good with both by the way. So save your money, you will need it to deal with all the asses coming your way. And I know...I looked into your future, cuz I can.
The ending was pricelss! I love a good laugh!
Thanks for laughing, LG! I always enjoy the sound of laughter.
Wow, I have missed alot on here. I had no idea ag had such a large cock. B.T. I seem to recall that the waxing was your idea, and I'm pretty sure you liked it.
BTW, I just posted this comment on here and my score went down 4 points.
Sorry about that. I sometimes have that effect on people. But don't worry about your score. I'm told that it grows back.
As quckly as a jackelopes antlers?
I'm hoping we never have to find out. I'm watching out for Mrs. Shadesbreath, but I hear she can be very stealthy!
I'll keep my "eye's peeled" and hope to help you. This is hilarious!
Thanks, Peggy. Feel free to drop in, any time. Friends are always welcome to come in for a laugh!
STOP PRESS
Donkey Oaty and Sancho Panzass have been arrested for suspected terrorist activities. The Spanish Idyll is over and BT's ass has reluctantly said goodbye to the Costas, and is heading home with her sombrero pulled low over her eyes. Have Donkey Oaty and Sancho Panzass taken the rap for their American friends accidental misdeeds? Is ETA short for Even Tighter Asses as BT's ass suspected when she dialled their number? And why is Spryte's Mr Bunny waiting at the airport when the plane touches down? Watch this space!
B.T. I think Goldentoad could do with your advice on his hub: http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Freeloaders?utm_source
I suggested you might be the best person/Jackalope he could talk to :)
I've started a discourse, but it's kinda late. I will be taking questions tomorrow, misty.
Go for it B.T. :) Sleep tight in that warren of yours.
So I ran this by Cindy and she's all for it. You, I and she collaborate on a hub and call it....."My First HubPages 3 Some"
What makes you think it would be my first? I'm half bunny, you know!
LOL...
Thanks for laughing!
Very funny and not too crass. Thanks.
And thank you for the comment!
There are so many comments here on this great hub that i fear mine is just going to be wasted, but here goes. It remands me of what happened to me and some guy's wife's ass outside of Juarez way back when. But your's is much better so now i won't write that up as my own hub.
I think your wife's ass was spotted in Rat, OH the other day. Has it ever returned yet?
Feel free to write that one up, C.C.! The mere mention of Juarez brings to mind something far more sinister than anything I have written about! And no, he hasn't shown up, yet. Sounds like he's a Rat's Ass, now.
LOL. Funny man! I really enjoyed reading your hub.
Thanks, SiddSingh. Come back any time!
LOL! I'm still chuckling. Clever hub.
cegainesjr
Glad you liked it, Charles. Come back any time!
Very funny. Read naked chest too. I'll be on the look out, but it looks a bit too large for one person to manage. I'm surprised she wasn't relieved it was missing. I may need to call for backup.
Welll i share with my friends. im sure they also gonna enjoy this literacy gem
Frieda, how could I have missed your comment!? You're right, of course. That chest may have been too big. At the very least you would have to call it an ample chest! Then again, if you look at the picture, my wife's ass is WAY bigger!
correosdelbosque, thanks a lot! Bring all of your friends! The more the merrier!
:D :D So glad I read this, as it is important to find a missing ass quickly before someone else gets their hands on it!!!
Hilarious. I must be your fan..
Well thanks, RooBee! And you're right, of course. I simply could not stand the thought of somebody else riding my wife's ass all over town!
BT....a fine "piece" of work.....a man after my own heart......great use of a hook......I mean the title alone will bring them running....but was a most humorous work as well.
Thanks R. Blue! But as I stated at the top, the whole idea was inspired by Rockinjoe. I just took his hook and ran out some line. Glad you found it funny, though. That's the highest of compliments to a guy like me!
A classy guy to boot....giving credit to the originator.
I may be an evil jackalope, but I do try to maintain some social graces. Thanks for noticing!
And at the end of the day, it turns out niether you nor your wife could find your ass with both hands and a roadmap, as they say.
LOL @ this. Man, I checked out of HP for a while and missed some awesome stuff. I guess the upside is I get to find it as I go along. I found a real jewel from C.R. last night about playing with matches. And now this. Like digging up buried gold. Great stuff, and the comments were fun too!
Hey Shadesbreath! Sorry it took four days to respond. I must have been wallowing in your praise!
That piece by Chris was awesome (as are most of his). It's really good to have you back, and commenting. Thanks for coming by, and don't be a stranger! There's gold to dig up all over hp!
I cried laughing over this hub; so funny. I've been to Hell and back; what is there now anyway? It's been years...
Hi ljrc! Welcome back to Hell! There's still not much here other than me and the general store. If you get all nostalgic, there are some pictures on a couple of my other hubs. I think it's these two: http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Night-Before-Christmas
http://hubpages.com/hub/Mr-Evilpants-Goes-To-Washi
thanks B.T., maybe I'll have to ride over again and view the sites again!
very cute!
Thanks!
Lgali says:
12 months ago
nice and funny