If you playfully touched your wife's breast and felt a lump, what would you do?

It's a seemingly innocent enough gesture. You reach out for a handful of your wife's breast, just to get a reaction out of her. But when you do, you notice something amiss...

There is a lump there that isn't there normally.

Luckily, this has never happened to me. But if it ever did, the first thing I would ask is "Have you been doing self breast exams regularly?" The second thing I would say is "You should have a mammogram done."

What would follow is an honest discussion about her breast health, and the importance of getting regular breast exams done.

Now this is easy enough for me, you're thinking. You're both women, so it's OK to talk about that stuff.

Hey, guys out there, what's more important, your case of terminal macho or your wife's health?

And for transwomen out there who think their partner will never be in this situation, think again: Breast cancer does occur in transwomen. It is not as common as in cisgender women, but it does happen and if you're not taking care of yourself, you very well could one day be fighting a losing battle with those boobs you worked so hard for!

One thing I should mention, however, is that if this does happen, and it does turn out to breast cancer, you have every right to rip your wife a new butthole. By the time a tumor gets big enough to be felt by a self-exam, let alone by a little playful groping, her chances of survival have already considerably dropped. That is why mammograms and other tests are so important.

I had an aunt who, when I was very young, died from breast cancer. How does something in your breasts kill you? you may be wondering.  Simply put, a tumor becomes cancer if it is spreading uncontrollably, either growing bigger or breaking into tiny pieces and floating into other areas. The most common places for breast cancer to float to are the lymph nodes, the lungs, and the heart. The lungs and heart are obvious, but what are lymph nodes? They are tiny organs that filter lymph fluid, or the fluid that helps clean germs and impurities out of the body. If you still have your tonsils, look in the back of your throat with a mirror and flashlight. Those round things back there are your tonsils, or the most commonly known lymph nodes. They are also the most commonly infected lymph nodes.

Breast cancer, like all cancers, can easily spread to the brain as well, causing strokes (Cerebrovascular Accidents) and other problems, and by the time this occurs the cancer is generally deemed inoperable and terminal.

Breast health is extremely important. And guys, don't start feeling left out. You can get breast cancer too. That's right, you have the same tissue, just in smaller amounts. So while cisgender women don't get prostate cancer, because we lucked out and didn't get a prostate gland, cisgender men can get breast cancer! Isn't that lovely?

So by all means, please make sure that those you love are taking care of themselves so that it doesn't get to the point that you are finding lumps in their breasts for them.

And boys, don't forget your mammogram!