I'm not sure if I'm proud of this, but I've been on a lot of interviews in my life. Recently, I was talking to a good friend who is on the job hunt and she wanted some advice about an upcoming phone interview. I told her to think about some questions to ask to find out if the position would be a fit for her. When she said, "I wanna know if there is a window, half & half or crappy powdered creamer in the breakroom, good coffee, free donuts on Fridays but I can't ask that!" She got me thinking about the questions I wish I'd asked on interviews I'd had. Here are a few based on a few of the real-life career conundrums I've gotten myself into:

Interviewer: So, do you have any questions for me?

Me: Does this position require I work out of your home, and if so, will I have to take my shoes off at the front door and sit indian style on a small Japanese pillow while I work like I did in the interview? As your current employee is 18 and may perhaps even be more that just your "assistant", do you realize I have more experience and will require more than minimum wage? Because the unlimited access to all the skinny cow ice cream sandwiches I can eat, and "flexibility" won't make up for not being able to afford my electric bill. Will your wife be okay having an attractive woman in th your home assisting you and helping with your children or will I come in one morning to discover my coffee has been laced with arsenic? Will you continue to clean out your ears unabashedly in front of me once I'm employed or do you just do it interviews as a test? Will you also keep glancing at my chest while you demand to know exactly what makes me think I am more worthy than other candidates? Will you let me know in advance I will be sitting in a metal folding chair working on an '82 apple that sits on a tall folding table that you will call my "work station"? Will you let me know I will be expected to work weekends without being paid overtime but will get "flextime" (another day off probably a Tuesday sometime in the distant future?) When you say you need someone with "thick skin" will you explain that means I ought to be subserviant and simpley duck when I see a book end headed my way?

This tirade lead me to thinking about how I might have answered some of the typical interview questions had I been honest, for instance:

1. Why do you want this job? I've become accustomed to eating and I'd like to continue doing it.

2. What is your greatest weakness? It's hard for me to get out of bed in the morning and I sometimes wish I could sleep in and watch the View.

3. Why did you leave your last job? I got bored, needed a break from work and my boss was a cheap bleep.

Work can sometimes be amazing and is vital for most of us, but it doesn't hurt to have a laugh about the perils of finding it. Finding a good job is like finding a good date, possible but the journey is often filled with "story-worthy" moments. I just thought I'd share a few of mine. Good luck to those of you on the hunt!