Often I hear from individuals that they are overwhelmed with the thought of staying sober forever.  Because they have had so many failed attempts at remaining sober it is as though they have lost hope at the deepest level that they can really do it.  

Not fully understanding the concept of time gets in their way.  When they think that they must remain sober for the remainder of their lives it is overwhelming and often leads to acting out behaviors.  The addicted brain tells them: “Your not going to be able to resist forever so you might as well get it over with and act out.”  

First of all we need to change the way we think about time.  Most clients that I work with are either stuck in the past or overwhelmed by the future.  They either beat themselves up continually as they look at their past behaviors or they live in fear of future slips or relapses.  This is addictive thinking and will only increase the probability that the addiction will thrive.  

In reality the only time we ever have is the present moment.  Time is a concept that we live with in order to make sense of things but in reality it doesn’t really exist.  The misunderstanding of this powerful truth keeps individuals stuck in the addiction.  The only thing that we ever really have is the present moment – the now.   The past is gone forever and the future never really comes.  The only time we can ever experience the past or the future is in the present moment.  It is the concept of the future that moves us to action in the present moment.  When you make a plan for tomorrow what you are really doing is planning for a present moment in the future.  I know, I know this can seem kind of strange to talk like this but ponder these concepts as it relates to recovery and change.

When one finally starts to understand the concept of the now the addiction can begin to losse its power.  One begins to understand that they don’t need to remain sober forever but just for today. In other words forever is today.   I have seen individuals grasp this concept and it changes their lives.  Compare the following two statements:

“For the next 50 years or until I die I am making the commitment that I am never, never, never going to look at pornography or act out sexually again.” 

or

“I am making a commitment to myself that I will not look at pornography or act out sexually in an inappropriate manner during this 24 hour period of time called today.” 

Which of these two statements seem more manageable?  I have seen individuals grasp this concept and find much sought after sobriety because they understand that they don’t need to worry about the future because it’s just a concept.  Many use the mantra, “I don’t act out in the present moment.”  When the addictive brain hits you with a trigger or craving you acknowledge it and repeat in a gentle manner, “I don’t act out in the present moment” and then move on.  

“A man’s whole life is a succession of moment after moment.  If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursues.” 

-Yamamoto Tsunetomo