I hadn't quite made up my mind about writing any more hubs, especially not about my alcoholism, but am compelled for their cathartic value.

I think I must begin by once again commenting on the topics portion of Hubpages. I'm glad my sense of humor seems to still be intact. Those of you reading this and not writing on Hubpages don't know that the writer goes through a topic-choosing sequence prior to speaking his piece. It became obvious in a hurry that only another alcoholic truly understands the topic of alcoholism and how it should be categorized. I was honestly unable to find 'addictions' anywhere in any of the lists of topics or subtopics, let alone 'alcoholism.'

Partial category list:

Arts & Crafts. Well, the alcoholic is definitely artistic and crafty when he weaves his rationale for continuing to drink.

Entertainment. Social drinkers seem to be entertained, otherwise they'd drink water. Alcoholics were entertained in the beginning, but the entertainment factor became elusive.and eventually non-existent.

Fashion and Beauty. When I was 16 I believed it was "fashionable" to drink Scotch. One of the most bizarre characteristics of the alcoholic is that he seems to find beauty in clinging to a toilet in a public place and puking his dizzy head off, otherwise he'd never drink again.

Games & Hobbies. There were plenty of times when I thought getting drunk was the only gaime to play and my true hobby.

Health. Now, this one, you'd think would contain a subcategory that fit into the alcoholism picture. Alas, no 'alcoholic' sub-topic. Unless you count: Head trauma or physical impairment.

I won't belabor the point; I just couldn't find 'alcoholism' anywhere in those topic choices. So naturally I began feeling that some parts of society still sees alcoholism as either a figment of the alcoholic's imagination, or that alcoholics should remain "in the closet." Perhaps the social drinker feels guilty? To the social drinker, the alcoholic says, "Live it up!" Just because we're allergic doesn't mean we want to take the fun away from you. Hey! If you're able to have a good time and suffer no consequences as a result of tying-one-on, more power to you. The alcoholic eventually suffers consequences--sometimes soon, sometimes later.

I believe I was born with a genetic code that meant I was destined for alcoholism unless I never took a drink, and even had I not, the code would still be there. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. By the time 1992 rolled around I was drinking a fifth of Scotch every other day. I accepted that as my way of life, and believe me: life was miserable. But I believed I was entitled to drink that way because of psychological issues, Seventeen years ago when I asked God to give me one good reason why I shouldn't slice my wrists in my best friends bathtub (I was trying to be considerate about the mess. I'm nice like that.) God answered me by taking away my desire to drink that very next day! What a Guy! It was TRULY a miracle. I started going to AA meetings, but only because I decided that was what people who drank like I drank were supposed to do when they stopped drinking. I went to AA meetings for 6 years before I'd had my fill. Meetings became annoying and boring. After all, sobriety had been handed to me on a silver platter by God. I was golden!

About 3 years ago I made a decision to change my life completely. I won't go into the gory details, but believe me; everything I did was sober alcoholic thinking at its finest. Fortunately, I've usually been surrounded by loved ones who trusted my decision-making. To those loved ones, I am truly sorry. My only defense is that I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong. About a year into the mess I was creating in my life, I decided I could once again relieve my pain through the use of alcohol and during the past 2 years I've dabbled in my disease. I tried and tried to prove alcohol was my friend in need. I was wrong,

My friends in need and my friends in deed were my daughter and best friend. They confronted me harshly and necessarily and thus has begun my real journey into the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've begun to recognize over the past few weeks that the one thing missing in my original journey was the acceptance factor. As I said earlier, my original sobriety was handed to me--a gift from God! I now believe that God assumed that once I became sober I'd be able to clear up all the other crap swimming around in my life. Sorry God. When I went to those first 6 years of AA meetings, I did everything I was asked to do. Everything except truly help another alcoholic. I now know that the reason I never took that all important step is that I never believed I was "one of them." I always felt guilty when I heard people at meetings talk about struggling with their cravings. I never felt qualified to help them because they'd not received the miracle handed to me. But God's life and rules are tricky. I had to recognize that miracles come with a price tag. Fortunately my miracle is quite affordable; I just have to stay in touch with the miracle giver each morning and each night and try to pass this information on to another person who's been in my boat--and it's a big boat!

So, I categorically declare myself to be a true alcoholic and accept this fact as one of life's challenges to be met and dealt with, and I'm sure the "tag words" will bring in any and all interested readers. And with that, I'll pass.