I'm No Superman
76
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"I can't do this all on my own. No, I know, I'm no superman."--Lazlo Bane
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I wrestled with whether I would write this piece or not. Parts of it kept popping into my head, sentences and paragraphs. But I was resistant. I didn't want it to come off wrong, so I told myself no, it could wait, it wasn't an appropriate subject. Then I started waking up mornings with the story writing itself out in my head. "Fine!" I yielded, "I'll type it out, but I'm not going to publish it... not yet, anyway."
Guess who won?
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In 1986 I was 29 years old and during that year I did three things that would forever change my life: I read a book titled "I Am Joe's Body;" I started working-out; and I took a robotics course at Edison Tech in Long Beach, CA.
- "I Am Joe's Body" is a book published by Reader's Digest, but more than that, it is a manual to the human body. Something every human being should read.
- I decided to start working-out because I wanted to capitalize on the fact that I looked and felt ten years younger than my actual age, and although I was getting plenty of exercise by playing with a powerful progressive-rock band and riding and walking everywhere I went, I still wanted to look and feel better if I could - a California thing, I guess.
- I attended Edison Tech because I was fascinated by science and electronics and wanted to learn how robotics worked. But, it was the psychology class - a requirement with the course - which turned out to hold the most significance in my life.
In the psych class I learned that we make the decisions, either consciously or subconsciously, which put us where we are in our lives. Are you in a good place in your life? Do you wake up in the morning smiling and think life is good? Then accept responsibility for your wisdom and pat yourself on the back for making the right decisions which put you there. Are you in a bad place in life, down in the dumps, going through a rough patch, or worse? The responsibility for the decisions leading to the circumstances which put you there are also yours. Accept responsibility for that. Think back and identify the decisions which put you where you are (which you may even have felt were the right actions at the time), learn from them, and start making better decisions as the now smarter you.
This, for me, was an epiphany. I took the professor's words to heart. In a life where it seems we have little control, I had gained control of me. Good or bad, I would no longer credit or blame anyone else for the circumstances of my life. My fitness and health levels, how I lived, what I did, what I didn't do. All were completely up to me. I accredited myself for the good decisions and accepted responsibility and learned from the bad ones. It was liberating. It was humbling. It was empowering. I felt like Superman. I have held on to this philosophy throughout my life.
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August 20, 2008
That date is quite literally etched forever into my skull. It is the date when something happened which took a degree of that control away from me. Something, in fact, which came all too close to killing me ... suddenly, and without warning.
As I opened the door onto the entryway which led to my basement apartment, my foot slipped and I fell into the solid wooden /beam (basically the home upstairs) which was directly in front of the door and low over the five stairs leading down. I hit my head. This knocked me unconscious and cracked the front of my skull, then I fell down onto the stairs and cracked my skull again, I then rolled down to the floor, where I cracked my skull a third time on the thin-rug-covered concrete floor.
There I laid, with blood on my face and in my hair, unconscious and not breathing. My two friends (a couple) acted quickly: One started CPR and the other took the cell phone from my pants pocket and called 911. She also, after seeing a light next door, pounded on the window, pleading for help. I did not know the man who came out, but he had learned proper CPR technique in the military. It took them close to three long minutes to get me breathing again.
These three people saved my life. They are heroes.
I woke up a day and a half later in ICU with two black-purple eyes, three severe skull injuries, inner-ear damage, tubes attached to my body and a respirator attached to my mouth and nose. My family were there with me. My mother, my cousins from 200 miles away, and my sister and her fiance from Northern California. They tell me my only, and constant, concern was 'When can I go home?'
The last thing I remember is warning my friends to be careful on the un-safe stairs, and I have brief flashes of my time in ICU.
I spent close to three days in ICU, two days at my mother's (where I struggled to walk without losing my balance), then finally came home. For two days I rested and took it easy. I'd finally regained my appetite and I puttered around my converted-basement, loft-type apartment, fighting to get my bearings back and to function with as little pain as possible. On the third day home I started back on my work-out routine, slowly and with much less resistance than normal, but I was doing it. This helped and it felt good to be working on getting back to normal. The neurologist told my family I would need to rest in bed for two-to-three months. I knew I wouldn't be able to do that. I also cancelled the first follow-up appointment with him (and before you say it, allow me: This was a mistake!). I was intent on getting my life back, as quickly as I knew I was capable of. No doctor knew my body better than I did. I had been taken down but I would be right back up. I felt good. I felt strong. I felt in control.
Two days short of three weeks after the fall, I went back to work. The first day was great, no problems. Two hours into the second day I knew I'd made a mistake. I barely made it through that day and haven't been back to work since. The effects of my head injuries came back with a vengeance: regular and recurring dizziness, short but severe headaches, a strange feeling of disorientation, head-rushes, extreme sensitivity to once "normal" sounds, due to inner ear damage (check-out scanners and microwave beeps go right through my skull), occasional blurred vision, frequently recurring pressure headaches which also blurred my vision and made me dizzy, ringing in my ears, and the almost total lack of smell and inability to taste hot tea. The only things I was capable of doing were walking and working-out, and I was grateful for that. My boss told me my job would be waiting for me, as long as it takes (but you never really know, right?) and I kept the next follow-up appointment with the neurologist in October (2008). Until then, I sat around my apartment and wondered: Will I ever be able to work and support myself again? Will this condition get worse, or will it simply stay like this forever? Will I be able to play drums again? Has this incident forever changed my life?
Big questions... for which I did not yet have the answers. I spent the days trying to distract myself by reading, walking, working-out, visiting my mother, cooking, watching TV and playing computer games - looking forward to, and dreading, the follow-up with the neurologist. But no matter what I was doing or where I was at, the conflicting emotions were always with me; lost, determined, worried, hopeful, scared.
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I stubbornly hold on to one thing. I know, whatever the long-term outcome of this turns out to be, I will adjust, and cope, and thrive - as best I can. Physically and mentally I am strong and I will not quietly relinquish control over my life or my spirit. I will fight with everything I have.
But, I have learned one hard lesson:
I'm no superman.
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UPDATE: As of this time - March 2009, the lasting effects of the injuries are:
- BPV (Benign Paroxysmal Vertigo) which was lessened considerably and is kept under control by doing the Epley Maneuver regularly.
- Frequently recurring headaches
- Tinnitus
- Extreme Hypersensitive Hearing (hyperacusis) - like wearing a sound-enhancer, 24 hours a day, and never being able to take it off. I wear baffled earplugs ("musicians' earplugs") if necessary, but they make the tinnitus unbearable.
- Post-Traumatic Anosmia (near-total loss of sense of smell)
- Occasional dizziness
- Occasional Skull Pressure
- PTSD; Fear of being hurt again ... or killed, and the inability to watch, read or hear about violent (or realistically violent) acts.
- Severe - but thankfully not frequent - panic attacks
- Cognitive issues
- The inability to return to work
- Possibly, the inability to ever play music again.
My sincere thanks to everyone who has left all of the incredible comments of concern and support. It has meant more to me than I know how to put into words. You guys made me cry ... squishy!
Thank you.
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03-28-09: It must be noted that throughout the trauma of this event, my mother has been the strong hand and ray of sunshine which has helped me get through it. We have certainly had our difficult times (I would be concerned about any family relationship which hasn't) but when I was down, literally, she rallied the formidable forces that are all of her and brought them to bear - pity those who stood in her way! And this is still an ongoing battle. Had it not been for her, I would have been completely alone, and I doubt I would have come through this traumatic event as well as I have.
"Thanks mom... you rule!"
I love you.
My Mother & "Shy"
In ICU at River-Bend Hospital -- Springfield, Oregon
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Comments
Thank you, Viv, that means a lot. Rest assured (no pun intended, but not bad, eh?), Doctor Rest is now living with me... well, as much as I can tolerate his lazy ass. ;-)
Thanks again.
CW - That was definitely a close call...and I'm glad you survived the initial accident. The hubpages wouldn't be the same without you here. I can see how having to take it easy, relax and rest can be grating to somebody as active as yourself. But please take the advice given you...I for one would like to have you around for a long time to come.
Thank you, Spryte. That's very comforting. And don't worry, I've learned my lesson and have every intention of following the neurologist's recommendations to the letter.
I, too, would like to be around for a long time to come.
C.W. We are all what seems to be puppets to fate. We never know what sudden occurance will blow in and change our day to day. Hope you heal well and really soon. The optimist in me says, find the good sides of a bad situation... like you can write many more hubs, share more awesome recipes, and best of all smell the flowers along the way.
take care of yourself
kindest regards Zsuzsy
Thank you, Zsuzsy, for the inspiring words. I agree to look on the bright side, and believe me, there is one there. However, I'm not smelling many flowers at the moment. My sense of smell was affected as well, but it seems to be coming back very slowly. I catch whiffs of aromas occasionally, inside and out, and I can smell strong smells, like romano cheese.
The the bright side is the best side I guess. If you can smell Romano cheese you'll have get to learn to like all the other strong cheeses too. You're in Oregon right? Are you in a forested area? Are you able to go for outdoorsy walks? With the fall all those trees changing... Gorgeous
I hope you feel better soon kind Sir take care zs
Yes, there are lots of trees here in Springfield (OR), especially in my neighborhood, and I take frequent long walks - a mile or two - while listening to audio books.
I'm holding out hope that my sense of smell will fully return.
Good luck Constance, it sounds as if you truly deserve it. :)
Thank you very much, Misty.
PS: It's "Constant" Walker.
Well, mt friend, I was wondering why we hadn't heard much from you - and I am sad to hear why, but hopeful and glad to see you back on the hubs. Now we just need to get your healing process completed (actually, it may be a rest-of-your-life healing process, but don't fret at that!)
Glad to see you back, and rest up!
Thank you, Jeff. I've missed writing - and actually did a couple of "fluff" hubs shortly after the accident - but just haven't had any inspirations, except for this one.
Too much else to worry about, I guess.
But God, resting is boring! How can one "rest" when they are physically fine?
Believe in yourself and never let the other put you down!
Hug to you mate
Sorry about that, mental block :)
Congrats on defying death. It is good to see that your friends were there and were so quick to respond. I hope to think my friends would do the same and not just stand there with no clue like Beavis and Butt-Head. I wish you a speedy recovery.
Jim
Thank you, profiler, and right back to you.
Ha-ha - Misty, don't worry about it. My mother did the same thing when she first saw my hub name: "Why did you call yourself Constance Walker?"
Thank you, Jim. Yes, I am very proud of them.
Hi Constant, glad you told the story, and am pulling for you!! =))
Thanks, Marisue. I really had no choice. The tiny writer in my brain (who cares nothing for what I want) insisted.
Wow, that is very scary. I'm so glad you came through it, and I hope you take all the time you need to recover. It is truly sobering to realize how quickly these things can happen, and they can happen to anyone. So glad you are back. All the best to you!
Your hub is an important reminder to everyone how a life can change in a moment, just through a simple accident. I can certainly emphasize with your situation as I fell on ice and it changed my life dramatically, especially in the way I look at things. Am sure you'll do fine, it just takes time and following your doctor's orders.
Life is an ever-unfolding drama.Tiny events have the power to change everything. I'm so glad you survived that fall. Perhaps some unexpected good will come of all this, and in a few months you'll be able to look back on these events and see it all in a positive light. Cherish yourself a little, and hopefully you'll soon be 100% again.
Thank you, PGrundy. My sentiments exactly. I am still a little freaked out by the fact that I laid there inches from dying... and by how quickly it happened. I know it hasn't completely sunk in yet.
Thanks for reading, Jerilee. I know what you mean. I am now overly paranoid of being hurt, just when doing everyday things like crossing the street, etc.
Thank you for reading and those cool thoughts, Amanda. That is exactly what I am looking forward to: Turning this into something very positive. I've accepted that my life, and me, will most likely be forever different, but there is nothing that says that has to be a bad thing. Right?
Constant, sorry to hear about your accident. Hope you are feeling better soon. Take care!
CW,
thanks for sharing with us a piece of yourself. You are in fact super and will come out of this one stronger than ever. I know about things like that not only because I'm a doctor, but also because I also had cerebral concussion once. Whatever doesn't kill you is unlikely to have a second chance.
cheers,
Thank you, Steve. Me too!
Dr. Yeung, thank you VERY much for that. Your words are more encouraging than you know. This is pretty much my attitude, as well, but having a docotor second it does wonders.
Wow - how scary! I guess crazy things really can happen in the blink of an eye. Glad you're on the mend!
Constant Walker - as a long-time fan and friend, I'm very sorry to hear about your serious accident! Just yesterday, I was reading a local newspaper that talked about the severity and damage of head injuries that seem OK. Wow. I truly hope that you are feeling better and take it easy! Best, Steph
Em Writes, thank you for reading. Yes, one second can change everything... I now know that to be true.
Hi Steph. Thanks for the Best Wishes. I am feeling better - reletively, I guess. Just waiting for the official word from the neurologist. I'm hoping for something positive from him.
An Accident can change your life more than you wish for. I just want to give you a big hug en wish you all the strength you need to be a superman in a different way. :)
Thank you very much, Lazur, for those kinds words. Big hug accepted! ;-)
CW, I can tell you from experience, that this may very well change your life forever. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though. I have been revived from death once, and been very near death twice. If nothing else, I have discovered that I am far stronger than I ever suspected. I expect the same is true for you. I think about these experiences, almost daily. They have served to remind me how precious life is, and how quickly it can all end. In short, thet pretty much changed my life view.
I know that resting will drive you mad, but the alternative is FAR worse. For me, if I ever hear the words "Work through the pain" again, I just might snap. As you heal, the worst of it will become nothing more than a memory, and what lies ahead will seem less daunting, every day. Best of luck in your recovery, friend, and stay strong!
Thank you, B.T. for those awesome best wishes. I believe all that you said to be true... no buts (surprised?) and am dealing with it as best, and hopefully as intelligently, as I am capable.
There is a kind of "Zen" (for lack of a better way to describe the feeling) which seems to have taken me over - no matter what my mood. It's odd... for me, and different, but I'm getting used to it, starting to like it and hope it stays.
I believe you will come out of this stronger. I have never been injured this severely, but when I first learned I had a back injury I was in horrible pain for months. I literally could not sleep or sit down, and it would be almost a year before I could sit down without pain again. Four years later my back is okay most days, but today my sciatica was acting up and I felt pain when I had to get up and down and reach for things. The pain is not there most days, but when I do have pain it comes with a vengeance. Hope you make a speedy recovery.
Thank you, Sweetie. Me too. And I hope you do, too. I've heard, here and there, that special footwear and/or insoles can permanently relieve, or even correct the cause of back pain. Have you looked into that?
Actually wearing flats seem to work most days. Maybe I will look into other types of insoles. However, I have sciatica so shoes will not correct everything as the pain with sciatica comes from severe pinched nerve damage. Most days as I said I feel no pain, but any kind of bending up and down triggers it. Thanks for the suggestion.
Shame. There's got to be a way to fix that once and for all. Is the procedure too expensive, or didn't the doctor give you any info?
CW, I am glad that you surrvived your accident and learned a valuable lesson at the same time. Nobody is a superman. I have no doubt that your will to get better and to follow your doctors orders will have you better in no time. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you, Gwendy, for reading and those nice words.
Aaahhhh, but I would venture to say you still are quite a *super* man :o). I love this story and thank you for sharing it. I have enjoyed each hub of yours that I've read, Constant.
I can tell from this one that we have similar beliefs regarding what's put us where in life - of course this particular event is yours to "figure out" and it may be a simple yet profound experience to call you into being okay with whatever happens. (I don't mean that light heartedly - I've been all too near death twice so I'm not trying to minimize it). You are your own source of strength - you are right about that. I'm sending warm thoughts your way...
I have no idea if you've already read this - or if you'd even take interest, but you might enjoy The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I'm not saying it will answer your questions, of course those come from within. It's simple and to the point, though, and gives some tools for making peace with your situation - right now.
Take Care :o)
Thank you, Rainbow. What awesome comments. I know exactly what put me into this situation and, rest assured, I am dealing with it appropriately.
I haven't read the book you suggested but I'll check it out. Thanks again.
Just wanted to stop by and say I hope you are feeling a little better.
And that your thoughts for the Hub "Superman Strikes Back" are quietly formulating in the background.
Viv
Thanks Viv. I love that! "Superman Strikes Back" *is* writing itself out.
Took me a while to get to this one man, but I REALLY wish I hadn't waited now that I have. That's really tragic dude; I hope things are turning around for you. It sounds like you're gonna tough it out, and if I've learned anything from reading about other peoples' injuries it's that the best way to recover from a bodily injury is to stay active if you can, physical therapy. Sounds like you're on it, but that head stuff is all bad man. Definitely smart to keep seeing the neurologist. I mean..he is a neurologist lol =)
On a related subject, often times if I stand up too fast I lose all my vision and in extreme cases completely pass out, incurring head injuries on the floor and whatever else I hit along the way. If your neurologist gives you any solid advice to avoid this I would love to be privy to that information.
I'll be in touch man, good luck.
Thanks, Jonno. Yes, I have begrudginly learned to listen and follow the advice from now on, and I will certainly let you know anything he says about that.
Maybe YOU should see a neurologist. I have also learned not to take head injuries lightly. Some can never be undone!
Hi CW, yes I've taken a while to get round to reading this too. You comment on my NY hub reminded me that I was intending to read this at some point. I only hope that things are getting better for you, and it only goes to show how fragile we all are really, and how easy it is to lose our sense of well-being. I wish you a speedy recovery and the hope that any new philosophy that comes out of this experience will be as useful as that old philosophy of yours, which stood you in good stead for so many years.
Thank you, CJ! And very nice to hear from you. I Am doing better, thank you, and learning to adjust to those things which aren't. I still count myself as lucky just to be alive.
Philosohpy? Jesus, flooding my head, constantly! Still sorting it all out. Trauma and Fear are great teachers, it would seem.
Wow, that's a really, really scary scenario. What if you were alone? Well, I'm glad you weren't, and that you're still alive and kicking. I'll be praying for your full recovery, which, I believe, is inevitable, given your positive attitude. Glad you're ok C Dub.
Thanks, J-R00 (I swear, that song your cousin sings just popped into my head. Very sorry. Hey, you started it!).
I obsessed over that same question for way too long, 'what if I'd been alone?' I was warning my friends about how dangerous the stairs were when I fell (can that BE any more ironic?), and I've wondered, if I'd been alone, would it still have happened?
It's so easy to look back with 'what ifs.' I had to force myself to stop doing it: 'It's done, Ron. Move on!!!'
Whether it would have happened or not, the FACT is, had there been a safety law-required landing of at least three feet at the top of the stairs (one of SIX "safety code infractions" cited by a building inspector), it wouldn't have mattered: I wouldn't have fallen farther than the landing... I'm pretty sure that's exactly why they're required.
Anyhoo!: Got any more travel hubs planned? I've missed 'em.
Not really, but I've got a bunch half-finished ones sitting in my account. I've been far too broke to travel anywhere interesting, although I am Wisconsin right now. Not too exotic, but very snowy. It's high time I got off my butt and started writing again. If you don't see anything in the next month, please yell at me.
I'll do better than that: I'll find that horrible song "Boot-Scootin' Boogie" on You Tube and send it to you once a week til you write something!
You REALLY shouldn't have told me about that...
It's snowing here, too, so either way you were gonna be in it.
PS: Wasn't "Fargo" filmed in Wisconsin?
That should definitely motivate me.
I think it was actually filmed in Minnesota, Canada and North Dakota, but nothing in Fargo. At least, that's what I've read.
I can't escape the snow. Send help.
Summer has deserted us... and ignores my calls for relief.
Wow, that's deep, and would be a killer intro to a song, or a horror story...
that's quite an experience. it is very unfortunate that you had to go through that to realize you're just as frail as the rest of the world - but if that be needed for you to realize that you're no superman, would you go through it?
i hope you have recovered by now for you have a lot more walking ahead of you. keep safe, y'hear? and thanks for sharing this eye-opener :D
Thanks for reading, Cris. I think I prefer the delusion of Superman.
I may not ever fully recover... but that hasn't stopped me from walking, working-out, and MOST of the things I used to do. Still can't work, don't know when, if ever, I'll be able to that again. Still have some inner ear damage.
i thought you'd say that! LOL
over and beyond total physical recovery, i guess what's important is that you're mentality and emotionally healthy again. :D
Mentally, I pray you're right. So far, so good! Emotionally? That's another story. The trauma of being almost killed, and what my family went through, is more severe than I ever would have imagined. I do not have the words to properly describe it. Just pray you never have to experience it - if you haven't already.
CW, I'm so glad this hub of yours popped back up, because I missed it when you published it. Your words about taking responsibility for our decisions and learning from our mistakes is so true.
You have the heart and soul of a superman with your drive and determination to overcome the injuries of this horrible accident, and you are quite inspirational in sharing this so that we all can learn or be reminded about not giving up. If you are able to do most of the things you used to do, then that is a huge accomplishment considering the severity of your injury. The effects of inner ear problems are horrible. :( My best wishes are with you along with hopes that you continue to get better.
Recognizing incompleteness of one's emotional state after a traumatic experience is a good sign as opposed to latency or ignorance of it. so cheers to that!
i was held up at gunpoint a year or so ago - that's the closest brush ive had with death and the devil himself! i remember thinking that if i were to die that moment, the last thing on my mind was the tunnel vision of the gun. but i am alive, and so are you! so we must have done something good :D
Thank you, Pam, very much for those awesome words. They are MUCH appreciated. I needed to hear them.
Wow, Cris. I've not been through that, but I'm sure it was terrifying. And you are very right: We are alive! That is what I was most thankful for this holiday season.
I don't know why but I was led to read this particular hub today. Thank you Constant Walker, for sharing this one. I am actually at a loss as to what to say LOL because there are many things going on in my mind right now after reading your sharing. :-) I will allow these things to sink in first and I will come back to share more. Take care..
Thanks, Ripplemaker. I wrote this shortly after being injured. Self-therapy. It works! My situation has changed considerably since then, however. Some things have improved, some have not, some may never. BUT, nothing is worse... well, except for losing my job and my new "subterranean-loft" apartment, but I that was to be expected. All-in-all, I'm doing well, adjusting, and making the best of what I've been handed.
I await your further comments.
I'm back! :-) After the initial response of "wow, to have survived and grateful to be alive" thoughts and feelings, I recognized that there are still other things to ponder upon. The other thing that struck me was the word "control."
When you wrote that earlier you had grasp the concept of being in "control of yourself"; which meant that you would no longer credit or blame anyone else for the circumstances of your life. I admire you greatly for that. I would also call that accountability.
But then when this accident happened, you also said that a certain degree of control was taken away from you. I had to be quiet because I had to ponder for a moment if what you meant by this statement was that no matter how much control we have of ourselves, in the end we are not really in control of our lives?
After reflecting on that one, I recognized that you are still in "control" by how you are responding to the challenges of life. By your previous comment made here, "My situation has changed considerably since then, however. Some things have improved, some have not, some may never. BUT, nothing is worse..." I see your spirit of acceptance and dealing bravely and courageously with what is happening in your life right now.
And I continue to admire you for that. Okay, I confess. I am getting teary eyed now as I am writing this. I am deeply touched by your sharing and greatly inspired too. It is my prayer that you continue to be the highest version of yourself in whatever situation you are in.
You shine with your light. And in my eyes, you are still my superman.
P.S. Do you know, superman is still my favorite superhero? :-) And Christopher Reeve too. Even after his accident, his spirit kept shining brightly until he passed away.
Wow, Ripplemaker! Alot of very incredible compliments there. I'll try to live up to them. I've always known that none of us have complete control. Otherwise we would never die. There are things and events in life which we just cannot control. No matter how hard some may try. Bad things can happen to anyone, no matter how good their choices and decisions. What we CAN control is how we handle those things, just as we can responsibly handle and learn from our own poor choices and decisions.
I do not believe this recent event was because of any poor decisions made by myself - but the way I will handle it is completely up to me. And to that end is my ultimate focus.
And... don't worry about tearing up. I cannot look at the last image I put in this hub (the lost-loooking guy meeting the new Sunrise) without getting a lump. It really is the perfect picture for this story.
Christopher Reeve was an awesome human being who never gave up. And talk about nobility! He and his wife both. I felt so sorry for their kids for losing both parents, but I have no doubt they'll grow to be incredible young adults.
Thank you again for your incredibly comments...
-Clark Kent
It is an honor and a pleasure to have known you in this lifetime Sir Constant Walker :-) I learn much from you and your experiences. It is wonderful to keep on growing in this beautiful journey we call life. Let's keep on... :-)
It is I who am honored, M'lady.
I'm definitely with you on the "keep on growing" party. This life is so full of incredible things. I can't imagine not taking the time to learn... and it's so easy now with channels like Discovery and History and Bio, and of course, the internet - where we have the world at our fingertips! It's so humbling to just look and listen at all that's out there...
Its ironic that you mention superman since the actor(Reeve)himself had a nasty accident which left him paralyzed for the rest of his life. Anyway hope your health is improving steadily. Btw I have a PJ if it is ok to ask then here is it: What is the difference between Man and Superman?
Ans: Superman wears his underwear outside his pants unlike Man...LOL
-CW2, OMG, that's really bad! ...And I laughed anyway. I think I've heard that before... And yet I chuckled. I'm WAY too easily amused.
The idea for this hub's title came from the theme song for "Scrubs." It just clicked.
CW!- That is why I mentioned it as a PJ (poor joke). I guess I am glad your threshold for getting entertained is very low otherwise I wouldn't have stood a chance with my sense of humor....LOL
You're totally safe. Ask anyone who knows me, they'll all agree; I'm easily amused. The more corny and terrible, the more I appreciate it.
Well what an event and life changing too. Thank you for pointing me in this direction. Reading the beginning about you not being sure that you should tell or not---sometimes things have to wait a bit and then they are to be shared. You have inspired me twice to write a hub about Brain Injury and I am dedicating it to you and another person that I hold very dear who also had a brain injury. I will let you know or you will see it when I publish it.
Thank you, Lady. I can't wait to see it. I want to make sure you know, my sustained injuries were skull fractures (three to be exact) and inner ear damage. Through some kind of miracle I escaped brain injury... unless you count the ongoing trauma of living through such an event.
Right now just have a link to this hub and a link to your profile. That may change as I am in the process of re-writing some stuf. I have to take short breaks from writing becasue I have n idea how my husband survived...you will understand when you read it. There is a 1/2 hour long video on the hub that I am suggesting everyone watch becasue it is much more informative thatn I could ever be and I have some things about brain injury from a medical site. I also have some links to more information and support groups. It is going to be a long one to read, but I think it is well worth it tht I pout the tinme into it and that it comes out into the open.
Sounds like it will be very good. A near-death experiance is more frightening and traumatizing than I ever would have thought.
Thanks Lady, for some reason I'm kinda nervous about reading it... but headed there now.
Hi Constant Walker, I just read Lady Guinevere's hub and then yours... I am wondering if you have found there there was one of these "strangely wrapped gifts" in what you have experienced?
I send you rays of light and my best wishes for further and complete recovery from sunny Arizona! xx
Hi Catherine. Ya, some good has come. I've become closer to family members, and now have a completely different outlook on life. The silver linings are there, but you've got to be willing and able to see them. Most importantly, I think, is to not look back at 'what was' and embrace and make the best of 'what is." Turn the page.
Don't give up on getting better then you are today. Our doctor told us it would take 3 years for our son's brain to heal. When 3 years came we started to notice a difference in him. He fell down the stairs when he was 29 hit the back of his head his brain flew forward causing frontal lob injury. He was in the hospital 2 months they ask us to turn off the machines and they told us if he lived he would be a vegetable he would need to go to a nursing home. Hospitals just don't really understand parents. No way would he have went to a nursing home. We would not turn off machines they reminded us each day that we needed to donate his organs and we needed to make up our mind to remove everything. Everyday they sent someone to talk to us to try and convince us what we had to. Each day we refused to listen. When he came around at first he couldn't talk but then he wrote WATER on a paper for me it looked bad but I knew then he would come out of it. It was a long haul he had to go to rehab/ he tried to escape/ he called us and the nurses every name in the book/ he lost a job he loved/ lost all smell/ can't stand lots of noise. We sat with him every single day. One day he yelled at my husband all day long the nurse ask my husband how can you put up with that, He said "He's our son and we love him and we know he can't help what he is doing."
He is doing very good. He has some short term memory loss but what the heck so do I and most people I know. One day I will do a hub on his story.
Our son also had a skull fracture with brain injury.
Wow, Moonlake. Good for your son! And good for you guys! I'm so glad you ignored the doctors and nurses. I'm sure your son is, too!
Most... no wait, make that ALL, of the recovery progress I've made has been completely on my own; through physical exercise, Internet research and natural supplements. The ENT took me through the Epley Maneuver (and simple balance exercises have always been a part of my regular warm-up routine) and that corrected my BPV (Benign Paroxysmal Vertigo), but I was aware of the maneuver (thru Internet research) weeks before going to her. I waited because I didn't want to do anything to possibly aggravate the condition. But, my general balance problem was the quickest thing to recover - because of the balancing exercises I was doing.
Is your son almost fully recovered? I would be interested to know which issues he's still dealing with. Green tea and B12 supplements are helping my sense of smell come back. It's very slow, but I smell something new regularly. And ginkgo biloba and apple cider vinegar are reducing the ringing in my ears.
I've yet to find anything to help with my Sensitive Hearing issues, but you can bet I'm still looking.
If there's ANYTHING I can do to help, please don't hesitate to contact me, OK?
-Moonlake, just found literature (and finally a name!) about noise sensitivity - sensitive hearing; Hyperacusis. One possible aid in recovery is magnesium, foods and supplements.
I'm jazzed!
Our son is doing very good. He can't smell anything at all which worries us because he lives alone and couldn't smell smoke. He did not want to go to rehab and was not good at it always mad and once we got him out of the hospital and tried to get him to go back to see the doctor he wouldn't. We tried to keep him at our house for awhile he made it about a month then he wanted to go back to his apartment. He had friends that told us they would watch him. To this day he will not talk about his accident or the hospital. He was off work for at least a year and he needed that.
He now does everything. He and his Dad where ice fishing yesterday. He had to find work once his job was gone. He has worked steady. He is now working in heating. My husband lays carpet so our son helped him with that couple times and my husband had him cut in the trim and different angles he had no trouble with that. His personality is different but not bad it's hard to even put my finger on what is different. They told us he would not have a sense of what was right or wrong and that he would not be able to live alone. They said he would leave things on the stove and walk off and forget. That he would not be able to drive. He does drive. I think he worries more then he did.
You should try anything you can that you think will help you. Supplements and all of that are not going to do harm. I wish you all the luck with your recovery just admitting that you had this injury is half the battle but it takes years for recovery not months. They also expected our son to have headaches, seizure, dizziness. He has none of this. He stopped taking his seizure meds and we couldn't stop him he just refused. Luckily he was ok.
He won't take any supplements or anything like that. I have suggested things he won't listen. God forbid that I would baby him at all. That not listening may be part of his head injury.
We were lucky he had good insurance that paid for most all of his stay. They had a rehab that had a rooms full of people with head injuries. It was locked so they couldn't get out because believe me they all tried. With head injuries many times they just don't know what they are doing. At 28 he could have walked out but we didn't tell him that. One night he did try to go and they had the pilot for the flight for life come up and talk to him. He was the pilot that had brought him to the hospital. He talked him into staying. It was really hard just keeping him in the hospital. He thought he was normal and nothing was wrong. Many hospitals do not know what to do with head injuries and send people home to soon.
He was 28 when he had his accident not 29.
Oh Moonlake, I really feel for you and your family. Keep on loving him. Doctors do NOT know everything. One will heal with conviction and love, but mostly it is themelves that have to do it.= and tht only makes them feel alone and isolated.
Something that happened to my husband a few years ago---he has surgery becasue of many her=nias they found still there after many many years afgter his car accident....some were dried up but he had one active one to be removed. Well after the surgery they inadvertently gave him a blood clot in his arm----it was stupid, but anyway that wasn't trhe real ckincher. He wasn't breathing as deeply as they thought that he should be. He has always been a shallow breather and Itold them that, but they wouldn't listen to me. The air is soooooo dry in the hosptial too and I aksed them to put some moisture into the air. They did tht, but he still wan't breathing like they thought that he should be. They took me aside and told me that he has a lung disease and that he may die. Yeah!!! I remember that day very clearly! I had to go out of his room and becasue I couldn't handle it and didn't want my husband to see me balling my eyes out. I just could not believe what I was hearing. It was so sureal...like a bad dream. He only went in to remove the one active hernia and take out the dried up ones and he then has a lung disease and is going to die. I had the hard job of getting him to breath deeper for the Doctor's a Nurses to prove to them that he did not have a lung disease and he wasn't going to die. I had to pinch and hit and keep him very alert and ---yes---mad. It was the only way to get him to stay that alert! He is still alive and nothing wrong with his breathing and he is doing fine. That was just 2 1/2 years ago.
Moonlake. I understand his wanting to leave - I did the same thing, but I KNEW they couldn't keep me there. And I understand his wanting to be home and not to talk about it. Returning to the hospital might be detrimental to putting it all behind him. For me, my only interest was getting back to "normal," the old me I was happy with, as quickly as possible. Luckily, I was quick to accept that the person I was is forever altered, and that old life was forever gone. Especially difficult for me is that I'm an accomplished drummer. But that's also gone forever, because of Extreme Hyperacusis (hypersensitive hearing).
If your son can come to accept the changes he did not ask for, and then focus on triumphing over them and thriving in spite of them, it might give him a whole new goal - a positive one he can stubbornly fight for. It's working for me!
I'm told by family and friends that I, too, am different. It's subtle, they say, but there. I hope it's different-good, and not different-bad.
I know that the PTSD of coming so close to being killed (and so quickly!) is definitely still with me. I am afraid of things now I never used to be. I appreciate some things now I never fully appreciated before.
Outside of my mother's help and support, my greatest weapon in getting through this is my own stubborn determination to regain control. Control of this new person I'm still adjusting to. Focus your son's anger and hurt (and believe me, it's there) into winning. Tell him not to worry about the old him, concentrate instead on being BETTER than the old him.
This may sound corny, but he also needs to let go of, and mourn, the old him. Whether he does it privately, with friends, or with family. It'll happen, but until he can do that, he can't really move on... "Onward and Upward!" Ha-ha.
PTSD is something else isn't it?
-Lady. Good for you and your husband. And my distrust of Western medicine deepens. I'm pretty sure most people have a story like this.
Yes, it is. Something more powerful than I would have ever imagined, and something I never thought I would be dealing with.
I'm not in the military!
Let me just say that I really don't like Doctors. Most are egocentric and money mongers. They could care less about the person in front of them. I have met only 2 ecceptions in my whole entire life.
Hi Constant,
So sorry to hear about this. At my ripe old age, I've learned to listen to the doctor. In many of my medical misfortunes, I tended to do things sooner than I was supposed to. Not good. Another thing, I've always told my kids to finish their medicine. Did I follow that same advice? No, and the cold or whatever I had came back to bite me in the butt. I had a pinched sciatic nerve once which landed me in the hospital for 11 days. The doctor said we'll treat this aggressiviely, first with meds, traction and therapy. If those don't work, we're looking at surgery. Thank God it worked. Although I was awake and conscious in the hospital, I didn't realize how high I was on morphine. I apparently conversed with my visitors but when I got home, I had no memory of anyone coming to visit. Powerful drug, but it certainly stopped the pain. I've fortunately had no reoccurrence that bad, but now I recognize when I'm overdoing it because I get that pain back. It's a good reminder to stop what I'm doing.
I just had surgery for another problem in December, and was home for ten weeks. After a while it was an effort to not get bored. Not that I go out much, but the walls were closing in. Between the computer and tv, it was getting old. I've just returned to work, and can't say that I've missed that! Ugh! I just wish I was old enough to retire.
I'm curious, why do you have to wait till October for a follow-up visit?
My prayers are with you for a speedy recovery, and thanks for sharing this personal story.
One does not have to be in the Military to have PTSD. If you can get through the whole hub you will understand why I love the computer and not much contact with men:
-Lady, what I dislike is the general ignorance of American medicine. And that here doctors concentrate on treating the symptoms, not the causes... and heaven forbid preventative medicine. But, to be fair, this general attitude is starting to change. But, it's a slow process.
-Trish, I'm glad you had a positive experience, and take care to stay healthy. I wrote this piece several months ago. The October was last year. I'll be sure to date that.
-Lady, I'll check it out.
Moonlake, PS: My family told me I was a complete stranger when I first regained consciousness in ICU. Agitated, uncooperative and - of course - constantly wanting to go home. The doctors and nurses told them it was normal in head injuries and they didn't want to give any sedatives (which I really did need) because they were closely monitering the swelling and blood deposits in brain.
That is exactly what my hubby's family said about him---only thing was---he really thought he WAS someone different--one of the kids he worked with.
Wow! Head injury is a scary thing!
Yeah, I am kind of glad I didn't know him then. I would have freaked out--then, but not now. Understanding and compassion are everything!
Ya, not musch to be done except roll with it and thrive.
Oops! I wasn't paying attention. Sorry! My brain kind of turned to mush while I was home recuperating LOL
That's OK. I don't think the date is anywhere on the actual hub. But, I fixed that.
I found it, it was published 5 months ago. It shows up when I select your 'other hubs'. I have a lot of reading to catch up on! :)
Oh yeah, that's right! Please, don't feel obligated. But, if I were to recommend one, it would be "The Big Black Dog."
CW, A thought came to mind the other day about you and your love of your drum playing. Have you tried ear plugs when playing your drums? You will still hear but it will be muffled and not so loud. It's worth a try if you haven't done that already. Maybe the Dr. could get you special ones that might keep out almost all sound.........just a thought......
Congrats on the "thought"! (couldn't resist...)
I actually have thought of that - lots of drummers wear earplugs anyway. I never needed to, althought I was in some very loud bands. My inner ear seemed to be built for playing drums, and I never had any hearing problems or loss. I have some time before I'll be ready to try playing again, and I'm sure ear plugs will be a part of that. I intend to go to V-drums (electronic/computerized drums), which require headphones while rehearsing anyway, and I'm hoping I'll be able to work some high-tech angle which will allow to play.
That is great! Good luck! Hugs!
Thanks, Lady. You didn't think I would just quietly give up, did you?
No Way!!!! Never give up!
I'm just way too stubborn. "Mr. Determined"
I'm with you all the way on "modern" medicine. I can't even imagine what these people are thinking. When I was seven, my parents were told before a single test was done that I might have leukemia. Somehow, even then, I knew this was complete BS and told my parents so.
Turned out I was right and it was nothing - but can you imagine those hours of worry that were inflicted on my folks? I'd like to go back in time and strangle that doctor; heaven knows how many other kids' parents he scared half to death without a shred of evidence.
Another less dramatic but equally maddening experience was when I got Meniere's syndrome. (I can fully sympathise with any and all who have dizziness, seasickness, and vertigo. Can hardly write the words without feeling I'm about to get it again because that's how traumatic the original experience was.)
Three doctors in a row told me there was no cure (one of them emphatically) and, once again, although at a far more advanced age, I said BS. Sure enough, I got on the net and found several forums where sufferers and alternative medicine doctors talked about a diet that could keep the symptoms at bay. I started on it immediately and within six months had it under complete control (except for very minor and infrequent occasions when I'm under a lot of stress).
Besides the diet (no sugar, salt, alcohol or caffeine for at least six months - salt being, in my case, the worst offender), Drixoral (the green tablets) worked wonders. Then I found the lemon bioflavinoids (I think there is a brand name called Lipoflavinoids) that you and I talked about at one time. I was finally able to give up the Drixoral after taking the flavinoids for a while.
Anyway, I'm relieved that you had good friends, an angel of a mother and other kindly relatives, a stalwart neighbor and, yes, a hospital and neurologist who saw you through the first few days. But even more important is that amazing inner strength you have, that Superman within, that kept you and keeps you going. You are an inspiration to me and to many, Ron. And you can wear that big S on your chest with pride.
Thank you very much, MF. That means a lot. I do remember you advising me about lipoflavonoids. I have the word staring back at me on my desktop "post-it." Haven't been able to get them yet, but they're top of the list.
I've learned something very important about Western medicine (and it is forefront in my head every time I'm in a doctor's office) that I wish I could post on every billboard in this country: When an American doctor says 'there is no cure.' What this actually means is; "As far as our very limited, one-sided and close-minded learning has taught us, there is no cure."
Peer outside the extremely small box that is Western medicine, and there is ALWAYS plenty of hope ... and typically, a cure.
I've never read this before Constant. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I'm glad you friends were there to save you. I would hate to have not met you.
Me too! And thanks.
I still can't dwell on how easily, and how suddenly, I could have been gone ... just like that. Gone.
The trauma is the most persistent affect!
Wow. Intense, thanks for sharing.
Your welcome. It was very therapeutic.
Omg I never knew. I am in shock... Oh this could not have happened to a nicer person....I thank God you are alive, it is a miracle (hugs).xoxx
Thanks, BP. I do too, and the three people who were there.
Constant, my admiration (of which, I already had much) for you has increased significantly. I have seen some of you in your hubs and comments, but never so much as this. You are a courageous man! Thank you for sharing this and allowing us to know you better.
Reading through the comments, I saw you have a very realistic conception of most docs. You wrote, "When an American doctor says 'there is no cure.' What this actually means is; "As far as our very limited, one-sided and close-minded learning has taught us, there is no cure." This is a very true statement, and I am glad you realize it!
We all love you dearly I hope you know.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
-Thank you, K@ri for those incredible compliments. It's my intention to live up to them.
It's regretful about American medicinie, isn't it? Thankfully, I can see more open-mindedness slowly coming about, as doctors are beginning to include alternative medicines into their everyday practices, and there's even holistic/alternative clinics!
... Encouraging.
BP, Thank you. If I ever doubt or forget, I only have to read the comments here to be reminded.
I read your hubs where you alluded to a head injury, but never read this one. Wow...three skull fractures. Wow... Must be a reason you're still here (other than sharing your wonderful wisdom on HP). Good luck on the recovery. Not a doubt in my mind you *will* find a way to play drums again!
And ditto on the western medicine. Sucks big time!
Thank you, Jama. I intend to try my damnedest.
I tried to be careful not to be one of those guys who ALWAYS talked about a recent injury. It was difficult because I'd never been seriously injured before. I wasn't even sure I should have written this hub. But, the response, support and well-wishes - like yours, here! - completely took away any doubt about going ahead with it.
The injury and recovery is still a 24/7 part of my life, but I'm very careful not to dwell on that - here at HP or in person.
Most of my personal victories are being made completely alone ... but I'm always sure to cheer. Yay!!!
What some people do for comments LOL :O)
My dear ; God be with you always and there is nothing I can say that hasn't been said and no wish that I wouldn't make for you, if it would help...Having been close to my own death I know what you feel...(One Breath Away)..G-Ma :O) Hugs & Prayers
YOU will always be a SUPER MAN
Ha-ha. Thanks G-Ma.
Mate just catching up with the news, great to hear that things are on the up. Hang in there cobber!
Thank you, Agvulpes.
I can't believe I haven't come across this before. You certainly have been through a lot! I'm a firm believer in 'everything happens for a reason'. I don't think it was a coincidence you weren't alone and that the next door neighbor was properly trained in CPR. There is a reason you're still here today, my friend, and if you haven't found that reason yet, I hope it comes to you soon! I just became a fan of yours (Artisan) and can't wait to read more - hopefully not about any more accidents! Walk on! :)
Thank you, Azur, and I agree that everything happens for a purpose. My entire life is rife with prime examples (which have never escaped my notice!) -- this terrible incident not even the most recent.
Thank you for becoming an Artisan fan. He's new and needs all he can get ;-)
I do know at least one of my purposes - which ties in with the undearable tragic results should I have been killed on that day. And I doubt that it is my only one.
Thanks again for your positive input. Means a lot and always welcome.
Constant, I had no idea this had happened to you, wow is about all I can say. Thank God you are making your way though this, and that your wonderful mother is such a great support. Your good attitude will help in your healing process more than you can imagine. My dad suffered major strokes in his late 40's and no one thought that he could come back the way he did, but he did and I attribute alot of it to his positive attitude and the support also of my mother. My son was shot in the head a few months ago and is suffering some similar things to what you describe. He is just beginning to realize that he needs some help (he is 22 and stubborn) Head injuries can be life changing, but it sounds like you are on the road to recovery- yes it changes your life but with faith and perseverance you will come through this!!
Thanks Dorsi, I remember your story about your son being shot in the head ... it was shortly after I published this. There's a lot of readjusting to go through with head injuries, and you're right: attitude, it seems, is everything, and the understanding and patience of those around you.
My best to your son.
hiya..... wanted to get to know you better since I came on here, but why I have left it until now, I don't know..... maybe because I was grieving for my mum so much at first and I could see your story was going to be sad.....
Anyway I am here now, and I have really enjoyed your updates every day about the news.... i hate long winded hubs, so that is just the right size for me.... I am very interested to know how you are doing..... and I will now look at some more of your hubs..... I liked the lessons you learned quite early on in your life, about being in charge of things for yourself.... I am only just really learning that..... I am out of work at the moment. I spent about 5 years getting a young man up each day after he had a head injury, and another boy who had been in a car crash....
Your life will have changed a lot, but there must be some things you have experienced which you would never have if you hadn't had the accident, that will mould your character..... any way I will leave it there for now.... speak soon Brenda xx
Hi Brenda. This story is not completely sad, and still going on -- emotionally and legally, but that's all I can say about that right now.
The changes are profound. There was/is a mourning period for the person I was -- I liked that person. I was very happy with all aspects of my life when this happened. It had taken me ten years to get to that point. I didn't even get a chance to get bored with it!
But acceptance, adjustment and moving on is crucial. With the help of family and incredible friends (and my own stubborn determination) I have been able to do that -- and even to start to embrace the "new me."
I WILL thrive and come out on top ... just so I can go "HA!"
3 Doors Down - Kryptonite (Live in Vegas)
LondonDuchess says:
14 months ago
Dear CW,
I am so sorry to know that this has happened to you.
I truely believe the best physician is Doctor Rest.
I hope you get well soon.
Viv