Have you read my Hub Don't let a*holes ruin your day? It's about an experience I had with a couple of rude people since I've moved to San Jose, California's third-largest city and the 10th-largest in the nation, according to the California Department of Finance. With 989,500 people in its midst, that means there are many chances that a lot of those people are, well, a*holes.

I've been lamenting my move to the big city for a month and a half now, but I just can't get over how different it is. In the smaller cities where I am from, everything seems more specialized and taken care of. Here, no one is special and it is everyone for his or herself. I guess I've been sheltered all of my life, or the real world has hit me much harder after graduation from college than I thought.

It seems like the population of San Jose is extremely polarizing; when I go downtown, I either meet people who are cruel or creepy, or I meet some of the kindest and friendliest people. (I have really met no one in between... I either get yelled at or catcalled, or given a friendly smile.) I often make extensive conversation with the latter, and often about the former.

Back to the incident described in my Hub mentioned at the top. So I didn't mention this in it, but after I left the scene, well, I called the guy an a*hole. And I have been feeling terrible about it ever since. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so low until I realized that it was because it was something I've never done before, something that is unlike anything I would ever do... to a stranger, anyway. I do think he deserved it, but apparently it was something I am personally uncomfortable with. I am a personable person, a people-pleaser, and the whole incident just rubbed me the opposite way.

When I realized this, I knew it meant one thing: I won't let the big city turn me into an a*hole, or at least something I am not.

It's going to be hard, because there are a lot of chances where I can get trampled if I don't start up for myself, but often if I do stand up for myself, things get ugly. It's much easier to get into fights with people here; I've never been in such a hostile environment. I am extremely amicable and every time I am surprised when someone manages to take what I do as offensive. I guess I'm used to being in places where people understand what I'm all about.

There are a lot of things here that make it easy for people to have a bad day. For one, many of the city officials and employees are extremely rude. Personally, I haven't met a nice one yet, but there must be a few... It disillusions me every time I come across a mean one. I think, "These people are representing the city?"

The college, San Jose State University, is okay, but it's nothing like Cal Poly. I should have worked for my teacher's credential there, but since my job is in San Jose, I figured I'd transfer my credits here instead and try something new. The student fees are outrageous! $186 to support a student union building with only offices, an information desk, and an underground bowling alley that I will never use? Ugh. Not to mention the other $300 worth or fees. Nothing has gotten done on time (is it really so hard to get a school e-mail address?) and no one seems to know anything about anything, even though it's their job (well, the financial aid people have been good).

I can understand that transit would be a grating factor to the people here (as per my Hub at the top). There are some very interesting people who take the train (last time a girl bragged about how she had just gotten arrested minutes prior to boarding the bus) and traffic can get unimaginably ugly (half an hour to go a mile? Sigh). It's like I get honked at every time I drive, and I'm not that bad at driving! Biking seems to be the way to go.

But no matter. I'm going to conquer San Jose... with kindness. I've only honked at someone once, and that was because I was behind someone at a stoplight and I had waited a full half-minute while the light was green and we didn't move. I'm going to keep my cool and even be friendly if someone is rude to me. I'm going to find out what people here are all about and learn to work with it my way. There are so many people here that it would be a shame to shut them all out.

Pathetic, yes. So many people here have already adjusted and even mastered life in the big city. I just need to take my time.