A recent poll taken by the Democratic party showed that a surprisingly large number of Irish-Americans planned to vote for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama in November. "We're hopin' he beats Clinton!" said Patrick Thomas McCarthy. "If he does, come November, our lad's going to have 30 million Irish-Americans backin' him up." McCarthy proceeded to drink to O'Bama's success and that the luck of the Irish might see him through the election.

"It's a remarkable statistic," said Democratic spokesperson [name here]. "We've never had such a unification of Irish-Americans behind one candidate since JFK, and now 90% of our Irish men and women say that they support Obama. The degree to which Irish voters have become politically active in the past few months is phenomenal, and we have no idea why it's happening. During the last election, the Irish didn't even vote. In fact, most of them were still hung over from St. Patrick's Day."

Kevin Lynch, former member of the Irish Republican Army, says that he's not sure why people are so confused. "It's clear enough; Barack O'Bama's just a proper Irish lad. Sure, his first name's a bit strange, but we figure his family just immigrated from the old country a bit earlier than ours. He's been away too long, but deep down inside he's Irish, and that's somethin' you can never take away from a man." When it was pointed out that Mr. Obama is black, Lynch replied that lots of people are Black Irish, and that it's not at all uncommon. When it was also pointed out that Mr. Obama's middle name is Hussein and that his last name does NOT have an apostrophe, Lynch and his neighbor Murphy started a brawl in the street with the camera crew.

Irish-American voters say they have high hopes for an Obama administration. "I'm glad O'Bama takes such a strong stance on the issue of race," said one voter. "Our people have been oppressed by the English for 900 years, and we're looking forward to having a leader who can relate to our plight, and is not only willing, but able to do something about it. Remember how the US helped out the Zionist Jews in the 40s? Well, get ready for a repeat in 2009. We're going back to Ireland, and the English had better be gone when we get there."

As a representation of worldviews, the Old English poem "Beowulf" is complex. "Beowulf" is a poem, which, on its surface, addresses how a thoroughly pagan hero abides by the thoroughly pagan warrior-code which governs the Viking civilization. However, the author is a Christian, and though he presents his hero and his hero's code in a very sympathetic light, the Christian perspective of the author exists as a consistent undercurrent which brings anachronistic Christian themes to an otherwise pagan tale. The pagan warrior-code to which the Vikings adhere, and around which "Beowulf" revolves, is a means of attaining glory and remembrance. Beowulf, as the ideal Viking warrior, holds to this code throughout his life and builds his reputation upon it. Nonetheless, the Christian author of "Beowulf" will not let us forget that Beowulf is still a pagan, and his glory-seeking way of life is ultimately flawed. The heroic warrior-code consists of several elements: the formal boast which precedes a heroic deed, the great deed itself, and the subsequent winning of gold which can then be lavished upon one's lord or followers. The ultimate goal of the warrior-code is to achieve fame and glory, and the warriors who are successful in this are those who, like Beowulf, observe the courtesies of the code. These are the warriors who become great kings and war-chieftains, as Beowulf becomes king of the Geats. Following Beowulf's fifty-year reign, a fire-dragon emerges and begins to wreak havoc on the Geats. Beowulf, good warrior-king that he is, faces the dragon in combat, and it is in this conflict, in the last thousand lines of the poem, that the Christian poet's objections to the fame-seeking lifestyle of the pagan Viking warrior rise to the surface. The author of "Beowulf" uses the dragon episode to demonstrate the failure of the both warrior-code itself, and the society which lived and died by it. In Beowulf's battle with the dragon, all three formal elements of the code breakdown and eventually fail, for, in this case, the boast leads to death, the battle is not conducted properly, and the gold is won at the price of Beowulf's life. Beowulf begins his battle with the dragon by making the proper formal boast (2510-2515), and lines 2345-2354 describe the state of mind in which the boast is made: specifically, he is proud (2345). The passage makes it clear that this pride is a continuation of the confidence with which Beowulf had approached his previous fights (2349-2351) and so is consistent with the warrior-code. Beowulf acts with a proper warrior's pride in his reputation and past exploits, and insists on fighting the dragon alone (2345-2346), his purpose being the increase of his own glory (2514). In other words, he is too conscious of his own reputation and identity as a great warrior to face the dragon with an army, and as much can be surmised from his boast: as he did when he was young, so he will do now that he is old (2512). He approaches this battle as he had approached previous battles. However, a positive outcome does not seem to be a foregone conclusion, as it had been in the past. The tone of these passages is grim, and, in terms of power, the dragon is contrasted, not compared with Beowulf's previous foes. One gets the sense that Beowulf's once appropriate pride and glory-seeking is irrelevant and inappropriate in this situation, because this is not an ordinary enemy (2347-2349); on the contrary, this is the ultimate foe, a creature of legends, unlike any monster Beowulf had yet fought. However, Beowulf holds to the code which had seen him through previous battles (2349-2350), relying on his resolve, strength, and pride. Unfortunately, the pride that was his mainstay in past exploits becomes his downfall, and so Beowulf goes to his death in battle with the dragon, failing in his final boast. Nor does the battle itself go as planned. In lines 2677-2687 and lines 2694-2671, the battle departs from the order prescribed by historical precedent and by the boast. First, Beowulf's sword snaps when its wielder, driven by his desire for glory (2678) attempts to split the serpent's skull. The failure of Beowulf's sword Naegling, ancient and grey like its wielder (2681), forebodes the eventual failure of Beowulf himself. Ironically, the powerful stroke which snaps the blade is inspired by the thought of the glory which is thereby moved farther out of reach. In his previous battles, Beowulf's awareness of his own reputation and his desire to further it would have been enough to drive him to victory. However, this is not an ordinary battle, and Beowulf's customary methods help him not at all, and even work against him. Had he attacked the flank rather than the head, he would have had better success. Second, contrary to his customary practice of single combat, Beowulf only finishes this battle through the aid of his kinsman Wiglaf. Not only does this contradict the implied terms of the boast (that he would fight the dragon alone), but it demonstrates that Beowulf was unable to defeat the dragon alone. Once Wiglaf joins the battle, the character of the fight changes. Up to that point Beowulf's pride had prevented him from seeing the true nature of the fight; he had approached it as a fight for glory, when it was in fact a fight for survival, a fact which becomes evident when Wiglaf rushes to Beowulf's aid and becomes a decisive factor in the eventual defeat of the dragon. Both Beowulf and Wiglaf fight valiantly, and succeed in killing the dragon, but the fact remains that Beowulf was required to compromise both his ideals and the ideals of the warrior-code in order to finish the fight and that, in the end, his prowess as a warrior was insufficient. Thus, the way of the Viking warrior is demonstrated to fail when put to the ultimate test, that of the dragon.. Given the failure of the first two aspects of the warrior-code, the dying Beowulf's concern is naturally about the gold which he had hoped to win (2747-2801), the third element of the code. Beowulf instructs Wiglaf to haul the piles of gold out of the dragon's cave into the open, where Beowulf may see them before he dies (2747-2751); clearly, this gold is Beowulf's last hope to wrest glory out of the jaws of defeat, to salvage a situation which could have been disastrous to his reputation. Having seen the gold himself, Beowulf finds his death easier to bear (2795-2801), because he believes that the gold hoard will allow him to fulfill in death the third part of the warrior-code. The gold not only ought to bring glory to Beowulf, but should be able to provide for his subjects, despite his death, thereby establishing his reputation as a good king. However, the poet makes it clear that the cost of the hoard, being Beowulf's very life (2843-2844, 3012-3014, 3083-3086), is too great, and that once again the warrior-code has failed. The immediate consequences of the conflict with the dragon include the death of the people's protector and the burning of the countryside, but the long term consequences loom higher and darker. Following Beowulf's expiration, a messenger predicts that the Geats will soon be overrun by enemies from all sides (2884-2891). Beowulf's death in pursuit of glory has left his subjects vulnerable to invasion, and the gold which was the ransom of his death is not sufficient to defend and provide for the Geats: it, too, will be burned with Beowulf's body (3013-3014). Though the final words of the poem pay homage to Beowulf's keen desire for fame and glory, the poem nonetheless ends on a dark note, full of foreboding and the realization that the destruction of the Geats is imminent. The poet's point is that though Beowulf was the greatest of his kind (3100), the code by which he and his people lived is incomplete because it fails the ultimate test: the apocalyptic dragon, destroyer of civilizations. When met with the ultimate foe, the flaws of the warrior-code are exposed, as demonstrated through the breakdown of the various elements of the code, and its final inability to prevent the downfall of the society which produced it. However, perhaps the greatest failure of the warrior-code by which Beowulf and his fellows lived is that it is pagan, and is thus self-glorifying. It fails to acknowledge the glory of Christ, who has accomplished what Beowulf could not by meeting the Serpent in battle and emerging as the victorious, living Savior of His people.

"Invisible Children: Rough Cut" is a film about survival. In particular, it is about children who have learned to survive in war-torn and poverty-stricken Uganda. For years, the Lord's Resistance Army, a spiritually minded extremist group, has sought to overthrow the government of Uganda. The LRA, which is supposedly based on a pseudo-christian worldview, clamors for peace as they wreak havoc and terror among the villagers of Uganda. Death and life walk hand in hand down the streets of the Ugandan villages, where loss of life and violence are ever-present realities for the inhabitants. Even from birth, the children are shockingly aware of the darker side of human nature; the tendency to murder and torture; the violent and the rapine; the cold and the cruel. By night they are haunted by dreams of tanks and gory knives and by day they live in constant fear of the LRA. For it is these children that are the soldiers of the LRA. Abducted at early, impressionable ages, usually between 5 and 14, they are taught by their captors to kill, and kill mercilessly. They are brainwashed, trained to cut a throat without a second thought, trained to accept death and killing without remorse, even the death of a friend. While the psychological damage of growing up in a war zone is apparent in free children, it is brutally evident in those that fall into the clutches of the LRA. Some of the captive children escape, but most die as LRA soldiers. "Invisible Children" chronicles the plight of these children, and their untold, silent battle for survival in a harsh land.

The film was shot by three young American gentlemen who went to Africa "in search of a story" to tell the world. Jason Russell, Bobby Bailey, and Laren Poole were all aware of the upheavals occurring in Sudan, and resolved to bring recognition and light to the ignored circumstances and realities of the said upheavals. In the spring of 2003 they purchased filming equipment and plane tickets to Africa. Upon their departure they had no idea what or who they would be filming. Rather, they shared a general desire to make use of the influence of media in modern culture. In an introductory prologue, the three of them discuss the significance of media, which, they point out, often establishes our mental conception of reality. What we see is what we know. When they first arrived, they traveled about rather aimlessly, until it was suggested that they document the Ugandan refugee camps. It was here that they found their story. The children from the camps and villages nightly travel into the cities, where they seek protection and shelter from the packs of ruthless LRA soldiers who roam the countryside in search of children they may press into service. Every night, thousands of children flood the alleyways, hospitals, basements, bus stops and street corners of Ugandan cities.

The resulting stories are fascinating, horrifying, tender and hopeful, and it is in the telling of these stories that the film finds its merit. The film is quick paced and purports to sport "an MTV beat". Having never watched MTV, I couldn't verify that claim, but if true, it certainly did not detract from the film. There was no script, and no plan. The three filmmakers were really making it up as they went along. Consequently, the film lacks organization and completion, but holds the viewer spellbound with its sheer energy, uncertainty and spontaneity. We share the filmmakers' sense of awe and wonder as the stories of the invisible children unfold before their, and our, eyes, simultaneously. For amateurs, the filming is thoughtful, touching and generally well done, maturing as the film progresses, moving from slightly crazy, to serious and slightly crazy. The power and thrust of this film lies in presenting the stories of the children in such a way that we become attached and personally acquainted with them. It captures their mixed sadness and joy, the reality and hope. What could have been a depressing and typical emotionally draining bit of filmmaking instead encourages and inspires the viewer, through the undying resilience that the children show in

In the beginning I was there. When the Almighty unfurled the universe like a tapestry, I was watching. When the first hoary mountains rose out of the first dark sea, I stood upon them. As the forests and grasslands were rolled out like a map, I strode through them, the Fire bound upon my brow. As the earth was filled with the first living earth-creatures, I was there, and among the beasts and birds and fish I wandered, firstborn among firstborn. Through the deep nights and brilliant days of the Creation, I found my way, tracing the paths of whales and hawks alike. I wrestled the monsters of the depths and ran with the stags. I searched the secrets under the mountainsides and though the pattern of this new thing, the Earth, was strange, soon there was nothing created that was hidden from me. When I sped back to my master and told Him all that I had seen and done, His eyes danced with the first lightning and He laughed the first thunder. Then all the world trembled, and He called it all good. My brothers and I asked our Master what was meant by this new thing, and what it would accomplish. He said nothing, but laughed again, and we understood that the will of our Creator would only become clear as it came to pass. Thus it is that even we, the Emissaries, do not know how the future will be accomplished.

But it was not the end.

The Fire rose in His eyes as He laughed and I knew there was more to come. I asked what it was, but He sent me away, my brothers and I, so that He would be alone while He worked. Only my Master possesses the Fire, and His Son as well, and with it they may create. We believe that the Fire must be within Him, for we have seen it in His eyes when He creates. The Lord stooped down and knelt upon the globe, and with His back He shielded us from seeing what He would do. While he worked, we walked upon the crystalline canopy of space and danced for an age among the burning spheres, where the light of heaven overflowed into the universe. The years waxed long and the creating waxed longer. The first Makings had come into being instantly, as He spoke them out, sparks striking out from the edges of His voice, as the Creation snapped into existence, shape, and color around His Words. It seemed, then, to us that this latest thing must indeed be a Making of supreme art, more so than the others, so long did He work it.

The stars were young then and fiercely burned with the light of the Secret Fire. As we wandered then, we spoke to the young stars, giving them names and directions. Some of the Emissaries grew impatient and some forgot about the Earth and fell in love with the wild spaces of the universe and the bright stars, and made their homes upon the planets there. Ohtar the war-like chose the red planet for his dominion, and Mitvin the wise settled upon a planet that had many rings, in concentric circles about it. Thalion, mighty in laughter and in anger took for himself the largest of the spheres. But, I, the youngest of the Emissaries, I sang. I, Ta-Alata-Hen, of the radiant brow, sang to my brothers of the joy I had known when I had walked in the Earth among the clouds and the ferns, and I sang of the thrill I had known while falling through the sea, and I sang of the sound of trees that shook and caused great winds to buffet upon the mountain peaks. I sang to them in the Old Tongue as I danced, and the words became like fire about me and beneath my feet, holding me aloft. But to my song only Vanu paid particular heed, and many of the others remained content upon their spheres and did not hear me.

Vanu was the greatest of our company, then. His wings could easily have been mistaken for twin rainbows, stretching left and right from his shoulders. Vanu's hair was silver and his skin was a translucent white, then untouched by ash or dust. And his eyes - his eyes were chilling and penetrating; deep, black wells of subtlety. When you looked into Vanu's eyes, you forgot everything, sucked at once deep into his mind, absorbed by his dominating will. Some said that in his glory he was like the Son Himself, whom we had not yet seen, but at this Vanu would merely laugh. It was rumored that he had actually seen the Son once, so we supposed he would know. The rest of us could only hope that we too would one day see the Son coming in the clouds, enthroned in glory, as the prophecies foretold. Just when the Son had gone into the Chaos none knew for certain, but out there, in the wilderness He still remained, but what He did or sought there, we could only guess. I, of the radiant brow, supposed that He had gone to seek the fire, but when I suggested this to the Father, He had only smiled. That had been before the Great Creation, but after ours. That was first time I had seen the fire rising in His eyes, and it was then that I knew that the secret fire was within the Father and the Son, and would never be found apart from them. This is a great mystery, and not even we who have been with the King since before the Great Creation fully understand the mystery of the Father, the Son, and the Fire.

Leaving our friends and brothers to their bliss, we turned and tore comet trails through the clean nothing of space, bolts of fire and molten light. We were saddened to return to Earth without our brethren, and I at least feared disgrace at being unable to answer to the Master on their behalf. How long ago it seems now! How strange to think that even I, the least of the Emissaries, could have been so foolish. I know now what I did not then: it had been written. Whatever their own motivations had been, those who wandered and became the planetary lords were acting according to the plan that had been written, according to the divine will which had brought everything into being and which upheld it, for none can withstand the Will of the Highest. This is another mystery, one which even the greatest among us did not comprehend (nor do we now); and it would prove to be their undoing.

But our sorrow soon was forgotten as a sound like that of a thousand celestial horns reached our ears. The fabric of universe rippled and the firmament quaked as a swift silent wind rushed over us, past us, and to the borders of space. The stars shook, their light flickered unsteadily as the long clarions sounded again. The last creation had been finished.

I was with my King on high When Lucifer was cast Into the depths

I held the banner for Alexander And all the stars I know by name

I was the foreman at Babel And I oversaw the destruction Of Sodom and Gomorrah

I was there in the ark with Noah And in the manger With our Lord

I was instructor to the universe And will be until The judgment of the earth

I was in the gate in the land of the Trinity And there is a wonder in the world Which I cannot reveal

John the Wise called me Merlin But to kings hereafter I will be known As Taliesin

Clearly, humanity is made in the image of God, in one way or another. That much is clear enough to most; the issue then becomes determining exactly in what way mankind reflects God's image. I think that the image of God in mankind consists in the existence of a soul in each person. (Heb. 4:12) This soul is immortal and can never completely shake off the awareness of divinity which the hand of God has left upon it. (Gen. 1:27) The presence of the soul in a person gives them the capacity for rational thought and moral judgment, to act either morally or immorally. This much is the traditionally termed the Substantival View of the imago dei. Some object to the Substantival View, stating that it is incorrect to equate rationality with God's image because humans are created after God's image, rather than his intellect. However, God's image clearly includes rationality and intellect (though of course is not limited to such), as God Himself is decisely portrayed in Scripture as being a thinking being. Where else, if not from God, would we have obtained our intellect? (Acts 17:28) While I believe that the Substantival View addresses much of what comprises the imago dei, I do not think that it is a complete understanding. Both the Functional and Relational Views address other vital aspects of the image of God in man. The Functional View, for example, maintains that God's image is the exercising of authority. (Gen. 1:28-30) There are at least two errors with this view. First, it limits the imago dei, excluding rather obvious things like the soul and our ability to reason. Second, it essentially implies that the most important characteristic of God is His authority, which, while certainly an important part of God's nature and image, is neither the extent of His image, nor superior to God's love or justice as a feature of His nature. However, I think that those who hold to this view are right in identifying the God-given authority of mankind over the Creation as a key element of the imago dei, given the presence of the Cultural/Creation Mandate in the Genesis account. The Relational View touches on yet another aspect of God's nature which humans bear, that is not addressed by the Substantival View. It argues that since the essence of God is love, we reflect the image of God by forming loving relationships with others. (1 John 4:16, 1 John 3:14) Unfortunately, the Relational View tends to limit the imago dei, much like the Functional View, by relegating the image of God to our actions and experiences. The structural reality of God's image in humanity becomes of less importance because the presence of God's image is dependent on whether or not the actions of people are loving or not. On the contrary, God's image is a thoroughly objective thing. Tarnished and twisted by sin though it may become, the image of God exists in every person. In addition in being inwardly present, the imago dei ought to be outwardly reflected in actions and relationships. Unfortunately, it frequently isn't. This is the effect of the fall what the image of God was and should be. (Rom. 1:23, 25) All three of the views mentioned here touch on aspects of the ideal imago dei: the rational, moral soul, the exercising of authority over the earth, and the maintaining of loving relationships with God and fellow humans. God created mankind to perfectly reflect these aspects of His nature, for the purpose of glorifying Himself only. He did not lack anything; He was not lonely. God no other motive in Creation than the furtherance of His glory (were it possible!), and no other motive did He need. (Isaiah 48:11) After the Fall, the souls of men became wicked, and men themselves became isolated as their relationships with God and other men deteriorated and as they abused their God-given ability to master their environment. (James 3:9) The imago dei remained, but not as it was intended. Evil cannot create, but it has effectively corrupted and infected the image-bearers of God, inside and out, so thoroughly that only the death and resurrection of God's Son could redeem mankind. (I Cor. 15:49) It was then that God, in a tumultuous overturning of this His created order, took on the image of man. And the angels sang.

(Bob Cratchet is sitting at his desk. There is a roaring fire in the fireplace. Holly and garlands of evergreens "deck the halls").

Scrooge (enters singing God Rest You Merry Gentlemen): Merry Christmas Bob!

Bob: Merry Christmas, sir.

Scrooge: Eh Bob, what's that? Can't hear you!

Bob: I said Merry Christmas sir!

Scrooge: That's more like it, Bob! And a Merry Christmas it is!

(Scrooge goes to his desk, starts working).

Scrooge: Care to join me in a rousing chorus of We Wish You A Merry Christmas?

(They sing).

Scrooge: My, this office is warm.

Bob: It's always warm these days.

Scrooge: Warm and cozy, eh Bob?

Bob: Yes sir, warm and cozy.

Scrooge: Like my bursting merry heart, now that I've got that Christmas spirit!

(Bob sighs heavily).

Scrooge: Eh Bob? Something the matter?

Bob: Nothing sir.

Scrooge: Righto! Musn't let those post-Christmas-let-down-blues get the best of you. Just because Christmas day is over doesn't mean we can't be merry! After all, the spirit of Christmas-

Bob: -lives in each and every one of us, all the year long. I know, I know. (He has heard this before).

Scrooge: Right you are, Bob Cratchet! Right you are! (to himself) Now, let's see...(he begins working on something or other...balancing ledgers, etc.). He does look depressed, doesn't he? Say, Bob!

Bob: Sir?

Scrooge: I've brought along something to cheer you up.

Bob: Let me guess...

Scrooge (pulls out a Christmas present, complete with bow): Merry Christmas Bob!

Bob (sighs, then takes the present. He starts to open it then pauses): Is this what I think it is?

Scrooge: Now Bob, it isn't polite to ask. Just open the nice present!

Bob (complying): Oh how lovely. Slippers.

Scrooge (laughing): Oh ho ho ho! Ah ha ha ha! Oh my! Oh goodness gracious me! Ha ha ha!

Bob (pulls out a pair of duck slippers): They're...charming.

Scrooge: Just the thing, eh Bob?

(Bob puts the slippers back into the box and places it next to his desk. He says nothing, but shakes his head).

Bob (a moment later): Sir?

Scrooge: What ho Bob Cratchet?

Bob: Must we have a fire today, sir? Coal is SO expensive, you know and...

Scrooge: Never you mind about that. I've got it all worked out in the budget - left plenty of room for us to buy all the coal we could possibly want!

Bob: Yes, well, seeing as it's the middle of August, I thought we might-

Scrooge: Nonsense! There's nothing like a good fire to keep the Christmas spirit ablaze. (suspicious) You aren't opposed to Christmas spirit, are you Bob?

Bob: Well, no, not technically. But couldn't we celebrate some other holiday occasionally?

Scrooge: What exactly did you have in mind?

Bob: Well, for goodness sake. There's the New Year in January, Valentine's Day in February, St. Patrick's Day in March, Wimbledon in June-

Scrooge: That's not a holiday! Besides, can you imagine talking about the spirit of Wimbledon-

Bob: Strawberries...

Scrooge: ...I do like strawberries. But that's beside the point!

Bob: Which is?

Scrooge: Listen Bob, you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it mine.

Bob: Keep Christmas? But you don't keep it! You've made a mockery of it by trying to celebrate it all year long and ignoring all the other days of the year. Why can't we celebrate Guy Fawkes Day? Just for one day we could NOT have a roaring fire and you could NOT give me useless presents that I don't want...that's not even what Christmas is about.

Scrooge: Bah! Humbug!

Bob (pleading): It's only once a year sir!

Scrooge: A fine excuse for burning an effigy and wasting money on childish firecrackers every fifth of November!

Bob: But sir...

Scrooge (now really angry): Mr. Cratchet! That will be quite enough of that sir! I insist on keeping Christmas all year long and to that end we will have fire and we will give presents and we will sing the same Christmas carols over and over whether you like it or NOT! If you object, sirrah, then I will see to it that you keep Christmas by losing your position!

Bob: Well, when you put it that way...

Voice: Scroooooooooge!

Scrooge: Oh no, not again.

Bob: What's that?

Voice: Scrooooooooge....

Scrooge: Is that you Jacob?

Bob: Is that you, sir?

(Enter Jacob Marley, with three spirits).

Marley: EBENEZER SCROOGE!

Bob: Whhaat...

Scrooge: I'm here, I'm here.

Marley: Oh. Then let's get down to it. Do you know why I am here?

Scrooge: No, but I can guess.

Marley: You know, we Christmas spirits really do appreciate everything you've done for the holiday, but you're starting to give us a bad name. The other spirits are beginning to talk. They say we're imperialists and that we're trying to take over the other holidays. The Hanukah and Kwanza spirits have been putting all sorts of political pressure on us for allowing Christmas to monopolize Christmas Vacation. Only they make us call it "Winter Break". And the Secularist-Unholiday spirits are just plain furious. They want to call it "Unspecified Calendar-Unit Recognition".

Scrooge: Oh yes?

Marley: Oh yes. They've even filed a complaint to the Committee. If we're lucky, the Christmas spirits will escape with 3 million years of purgation by sulfur and brimstone.

Scrooge: I'm dreadfully sorry Jacob. I- I wish there was something I could do.

Marley: As a matter of fact, there is. These are my friends, the spirits of St. Patrick's Day-

Patrick: Top o' the mornin' to you.

Marley: -Guy Fawkes Day-

Fawkes: Hullo.

Marley: -and Wimbledon.

(Wimbledon is a dark hooded figure carrying a tennis racket. It makes no sound.)

Bob: Ha! Told you.

Marley: These days have been neglected and shortchanged by your over-zealous, narrow-minded celebration of Christmas. We are of course in favor of healthy, brotherly competition between the holidays, but this is getting out of hand. Carols in July? Egg Nog in April? Coal in June? You've messed up the Christmas season! People have started buying presents 6 months early. It's throwing everything out of balance! It's just not natural, Ebenezer, and it makes we Christmas spirits look like terribly poor sports.

Patrick and Fawkes: Here here.

Marley: None of that!

Scrooge: But see here Jacob, I thought I was keeping the spirit of Christmas alive. I could have sworn that those Christmas spirits that came to me seven years ago told me to celebrate Christmas all year round.

Marley: Who told you that?

Scrooge: Let's see, it must have been The Spirit of Christmas Present.

Marley: Ah, yes.

(Patrick and Fawkes knowingly say: Ah, yes, well, ah ha, etc.)

Scrooge: What? What is it?

Marley: Present showed up in a scandal with the spirit of the Canadian Bank Holiday. It turned out that he had been conspiring with Secularist Un-Holiday spirits to do away with holidays altogether. The exact details of the Bank Holiday scandal are better left alone, but let me tell you, it wreaked havoc on our inter-holiday spiritual relations. Holiday spirit-politics are very delicate. Anyway, the point is that anything Present told you needs to be taken with several grains of salt.

Scrooge: You don't say.

Marley: Ebenezer Scrooge, we have come on behalf of the Christmas spirits to ask you to please stop celebrating Christmas. Scrooge: Stop...stop celebrating Christmas?!

Marley: I'm afraid so. It has come to that.

Scrooge: But...but Jacob, how can I...this is my life, Jacob! Can't I celebrate Christmas at all?

Marley: No, I'm afraid not. Not for a while at least. Consider yourself on parole. I will come back in a year, and if I deem that you have been good, and have kept the true spirit of Christmas by celebrating other holidays as well, then your Christmas-celebrating-rights will be restored.

Scrooge: Very well Jacob. If you say so.

Marley: Our time is drawing short.

Scrooge: Patrick. Fawkes. Wimbledon. Very pleased to make your acquaintance. Safe travels, wherever you may go.

Marley: Good-bye Ebenezer Scrooge.

Scrooge: Good-bye Jacob.

(The spirits troop out. A stricken Bob Cratchet stares with a stunned expression on his face. He looks at Scrooge.)

Bob: Was that...? Do you often have...?

Scrooge: Don't ask.

Bob (settling down a bit): Mind if I put out the fire and put on some light jazz?

Scrooge: If you must, you must.

Bob: Care to join me for a bowl of cold beer later on?

Scrooge: Bah! Humbug. (When he says this, he is subdued rather than grumpy).

(Scrooge settles into his chair. He sits for a moment, then picks up his pen. He begins writing. After a moment or two, he starts to whistle a few lines of some Christmas Carol. Bob looks up and fixes him with his best steely glare. Scrooge quails beneath the glare and meekly mutters a "Sorry." A satisfied Bob returns to his ledger).

The End