I am a bit of a geek, I will admit, and the thought of robots doing my work for me is attractive on so many levels.  Two years ago now, my husband was desperate for a christmas gift for me, and at the last minute I told him to get me irobot's Roomba.  We have a large room encompassing our kitchen, hearth and living room areas that has hardwood floors and I figured it would either work great or it would suck, and having two dogs and a cat at the time we were going to find out pretty quick.  Christmas comes, I get my robot, and we begin to assimilate him into the family.  Before you run out and get one, and believe me you will want to, there are some things that you need to know about your new servant.

So we charge up the little guy, and let him go for the first time. I decide, after watching him for a minute, to name him Pike. This is a geek's version of a reference within a reference. He reminded me of the DRDs on Farscape, and one of THEM was named Pike, after the first captain of the Enterprise. Now if you are an uber-geek like me, I probably did not need to explain that, and if you are not, no amount of explanation is going to help. Anyway, off he goes. At the outset, I am not overly impressed. By outset I mean 5 minutes. Then I get tired of watching him bump into things and go watch TV. When I return to my kitchen, I am AMAZED. It looks as though someone has swept it on their hands and knees, and mopped as well. OK, I think, this could work out. I give Pike his own theme song : 'Dirty Work' by Steely Dan. I imagine I can feel simmering resentment from his little round form as he bungles around my legs. I imbue him with personality....and how could I not. While he is at work it is like having an extremely (read brain-damaged) stupid puppy running around. When he is doing his job, everything is A-OK, but man, can he get into trouble! I found him dragging around one of my husband's steel toe boots at one point. Then there is the fact that my kitchen chairs are exactly the right size to comp-letely confuse him, and he gets trapped in their Bermuda square of legs until his battery dies. Or, as in one instance, he makes a break for it and gets stuck BETWEEN the legs two inches of the floor. I still have no idea how he did it, but nearly wet myself laughing as he woefully cried out his little "uh-oh". Most memorable was the time he actually got inside my couch, and I frantically searched the room, trying to locate the muffled "uh-oh". I had to flip the couch over to get him out, that time. Yeah, he is actually kind of a pain in the ass. Except for one thing: he does an absolutely amazing job on my floors, made more amazing by the fact that I did not have to do it.  Pike actually turned out to be a suprisingly interesting part of the family (like I needed another one!) but he does have his quirks.

I have talked to people and read reviews of the Roomba that make no sense to me.  Several reports complain that he is too loud.  I will give you this: I cannot talk on the phone while Pike is running in the same room, but know that I suffer hearing loss from years working rock shows.  The background noise is a bit much for me.  However, may I remind all critics out there that a conventional vacuum is WAY louder!  I can't even talk to MYSELF when I am vacuuming!  Next complaint is that he can only do this room or that room on one charge.  WHATEVER!  The floors are far cleaner than a person could make them, and he isn't going to complain if you let him recharge and put him back to work.  The final complaint, which I heard from a friend of mine who bought one, is actually valid.  She complains that you have to clean for the robot.  This is, in a way, true enough.  You do have to pick up the floor so he can do his job, but you would need to do that with any vacuum.  I think what she was really talking about was what I have already mentioned.  Buying a Roomba is like adding to your family.  The family member that you added has a voice, has needs (however minor) and is not really as smart as his programmers would like to believe.  No, he won't fall down the stairs, but he will bump into your recyclables that are sitting near the door, and if they are not secured, her will roll your beer bottles across the floor.  He will worry obsessively if your have a doormat, to the point of exhaustion, so do yourself a favor and vacuum it yourself first or put it out.  He will go into my bathroom and get stuck behind the toilet.  My Pike routine is this:  Clear the floor of random pieces of crap, tie up the shade pulls, put the chairs up, close the pantry and the bathroom and put up his wall.  I gave up on the doormat...if he obsesses, so be it.  Here is the best part of all:  when the kitchen floor needs to be done, I don't need to do it.  Now if I could breed him with my Keurig.....