Introduction

With the ‘global village’ concept that is doing the rounds in popular culture, it isn’t so hard these days to meet people from other cultures who occasionally are challenged by non-Indian like behavior due to the stereotypes already formed. Of course, it isn’t that I’m different from my countrymen but just that I don’t really belong to groups of perceptions that have been formed thanks to the wonderful gift of stereotyping…

So, this is for the folks [wherever you are] who know my country well and the nitwits whose understanding of India is very similar to considering the fact that Africa is a country! I think Sarah Palin said that… and one wonders what she was doing running for Vice-President…

So here’s a list of stereotypes that have been drawn up about Indians (that are rather unfair, rude and rather callous) that I’ve come across for sometime now:

Indian Stereotype #1 : Indians eat too much rice.

Answer: Although a lot of us prefer rice in India, you’d have to live through two lifetimes (if not more) in order to try every form of Indian cuisine that sometimes surprises Indians ourselves when we travel within our own borders.

Indian Stereotype #2 : Indians speak lousy English (both spoken and written).

Answer: We speak English that is different from yours. [Read Noam Chomsky's definition of an 'idiolect'] That doesn’t automatically make it wrong, just a version of English that you don’t understand. The same principle works for us too, as we don’t understand what you’re saying most of the damn time! Dang! These ‘hoidy-toidy’ Americans…

Indian Stereotype #3 : Indian men think that white women are soooo you-know-what.

Answer: Yes, mostly the morons between the ages of 18 to 27! The rest of us get married to a fine young Indian girl either from our community or one similar to ours in India… and get responsible in life unlike most white men who can’t grow up and call it a ‘d*** thing’. White women aren't generally considered chaste since they do such a fine job of putting it out there! Indian women, on the other hand, are too cognizant of their social reputation to get used that way! However, I will admit that there are exceptions to the rule... on both sides!

Indian Stereotype #4 : Indian movies are unrealistic, melodramatic and long-winded… and the songs in movies are a classic example of this!

Answer: So? Most foreign movies are unrealistic, melodramatic and long-winded to us too. Try Hollywood classics in the first half of the 20th century (and some of the songs were beautiful). Bollywood cinema is mostly created for the common man who can barely afford to spend a dollar to enjoy himself in a movie theater. Hence, the drama and the surreal themes that dominate the movies help him escape the mundane reality that he/ she lives in. The reason for songs to be a part of the movie [which atleast is a nice little diversion from the bland soundtrack that is played in Hollywood cinema] is because it finds its roots during the times when street plays for so long in our cultural history (also known as the ‘nautanki’) used songs as part of the storyline of the play with dreamy, romantic and imaginative themes as well. Why this fixation with reality anyways? Don’t you get enough of it already?

Indian Stereotype #5 : Elephants, lions, tigers and damsels with pots carrying water still roam the streets today in India.

Answer: Yes, of course… and we also have companies like Coke, Pepsi, Microsoft, HP, Dell, Ford to name a few… not forgetting a steady influx of foreign businesses that want to work with us… and the biggest phenomenon of them all, outsourcing! However, I would give a million bucks to find a damsel in distress with a pot over her head from the blast of tank tops and hot pants that we see our women wearing today!

Indian Stereotype #6 : Indians are very attached to their families… to the extent that bachelors and spinsters live with their parents long after their 30s. That really stuck-up...isn't it?

Answer: This is true but the 'after your 30s' part is really about how you look at it. Since moving out is considered a good thing in Western society, how we look at it is that as our parents get older, they need us more than ever. We don’t shun our parents just because they’re in their mid-fifties or throw them into a home for the aged because they’re past their prime. I understand this now because I just turned 30… and realize more than ever how much my parents need my help with almost everything these days! And this is no justification, I tell you.

Indian Stereotype #7 : All Indians are brainy!

Answer: No, we’re not. We work hard because our goal is to make money no matter what it takes (no different from the Western philosophy except that we don’t really bother about using euphemisms while doing so). Our education system encourages cognitive learning more than developing one’s psycho-motor skills… and finally, we have too much semen in our brain! However, there are some Indians who are just amazing…

Indian Stereotype #8 : Indian men have no manners and are very sexual in nature!

Answer: And who isn’t or hasn’t been in their teens? Well, if this is true… then white women (try the million webcam shows available for a price or for free on the internet) are equally suggestive, are looking for a sexual outlet to indulge in their racy fantasies… and in short, treat their bodies like a circus… thanks to hardcore porn! And most of these girls are in their teens too!

Indian Stereotype #9 : India has been harassing Pakistan for ages now.

Answer: Well, thanks to Pakistan… we now have lost count of the millions of innocent people who died in the state of Punjab throughout the 80s and 90s due to terrorist groups as well as the beautiful tourist state of Kashmir which is now a part of Pakistan known as ‘Azad’ Kashmir, after virtually turning it into a cemetary for women and children! And no, when I write Kashmir here, it has nothing to do with Led Zeppelin…

Indian Stereotype #10 : India is dirty!

Answer: Yes, that’s true… but thank God we use water to wash our asses rather than use toilet paper. We’re clean enough to eat with our hands, strong enough to eat ‘chaat’ from stalls on the roadside and tough enough to sleep with no roof over our heads! All very good practice for our immune system… as that is what it’s for really! Some of us are ‘cultured’ enough to eat with cutlery, have mansions for our places of residence and eat in restaurants that can rack up quite a bill… yet we choose to do all these things sometimes, because it is a part of our culture whether you like it or not! Jut wait until some super-virus pandemic hits the world, and guess who'll has a better chance of surviving. Not the ultra-clean, anally retentive types that's for sure...

Conclusion
No one likes to be typecasted here, even the predictable types. So, stereotypes based on fact or humor (like the picture above) are perhaps tolerable yet the ones which indicate an air of superiority or ignorance are the ones that leaves a lot to be desired regardless of whether it’s about the Americans, Brits or even us Indians for that matter.

Petty and rude though it might be, the only way forward from here on is to accept each others' differences and perhaps for once get along with utmost respect for each other. Maybe then you'll learn what it is like to be a 'better' human being regardless of your race, economic class or color.