Infidelity: Rebuilding Trust

Even before marriage, you have learned that trust is one of the most important bedrocks upon which your marriage rests. Once broken, it is very difficult to establish again. Trust also serves as cement that affirms the sacred bond of marriage. When trust is no longer there, many believe is no more need for you to stay together. If the trust in your marriage has been severely broken, don’t despair. It is still possible to establish trust between you and your spouse.

Be Honest in your communication. When trust is broken, people often feel lied to. It is important to re-establish honesty as a cornerstone of your communication with your spouse. This will mean you need to respond honestly to the questions they ask you. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, you can be honest with them.

Develop Consistency. You spouse will need to know that you are dependable. Second to honesty, they will need to know if they can depend on you. Since you let them down, they will need reassurances that you have changed. One way to show that you have changed is to be consistent in your responsiveness to them. Many people say and do the right thing for a while. They often falter when it comes time to keep it up on a consistent basis.

Commit to the relationship. This means that you will be tested to see if all the promises and things that you told them are true. They will test you to see if you are committed to the relationship or to just getting yourself off the hook. They will look at how you spend your time and money in the aftermath of an affair.

Forgive your spouse. It’s crazy to forgive. After all that you went through, and after all that your spouse has done, forgiving is crazy! But it is even crazier not to forgive. Why wallow in self-pity, in anger and bitterness if you can let go of these negative emotions? Forgive your spouse—that is one of the first ingredients of rebuilding your marriage.

Stop Erring. If you are the cause of the broken trust, you should realize by now the high cost of infidelity—both to yourself and to your spouse. Stop it. It is not easy, but you should make a decision to stop it. When you do, you are affirming your love to your spouse.

Forgiveness is a process. As you show signs of having truly changed, then your spouse will be able to forgive more. Forgiveness is also a two way street. Each of you will need to forgive the other for wrongs or neglect that has occurred in the relationship. Forgiveness does not mean that you approve of what that did, it only means that you are letting go of the issue in terms of payback and revenge. When you choose not to forgive, it creates fertile ground for resentments.

Holding onto resentments is unhealthy. Keeping those resentments inside often leads to stress related problems. Continuing to hold onto the stress can lead to the development or worsening of many disoders. Some of the disorders that are linked to stress and resentments include ulcers, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal problems, and heart disease.

Unhealthy ways of dealing with stress also lead to the development of problems as well.The health problems associated with smoking, drinking and drug use are many. These problems are not caused by stress, although they developed as a result of people using unhealthy ways to deal with their stress.

Five Ways to Rebuild Trust:

-Develop Honesty

-Be Consistent

-Commit to Your Spouse

- Forgive Your Spouse

-Stop the Affair