When signs of infidelity begin showing up, people begin considering what to do. One option that some couples consider is spying or hiring a private investigator. Before turning into a modern day James Bond, there are many things to consider. O

One area of concern is that of privacy. Your spouse has legal rights to privacy. Since they have legal rights, you may need to make yourself aware of what you can and can not do when spying on your spouse. There may also be confidentiality concerns with their place of employment.

If you choose the option of spying either with technology or a private investigator, there will likely be major damage to the trust in the relationship. As you know once the trust is broken, it is very difficult to repair. Besides, trust issues, if and when your spying turns up information, it can lead to strong reactions. The incident here in Texas where the spouse ran over the cheating husband is an example that sticks in people’s minds.

Another concern is what are you going to do with the information once it is obtained? Sharing some of what you find with family members may initially gain you support, yet in the long run lead to distrust in view of how you obtained the information and your reasons for doing so.

Another concern is whether what you are considering will help or hurt the marriage. Besides that question, you will need to consider how it will look in court and to the children. The decisions made regarding spying can have long term consequences. Think about what the spying will accomplish. Is there any other way to obtain such information?

• Signs and suspicions of infidelity. These may be hard signs such as tangible evidence or soft signs such as rumors.
• Curiosity. Some spouses want to know what their spouse is spending their time doing at work, on the way home or on the computer. This situation is aggravated by spouses who are secretive about passwords and access to computer files.
• Jealousy. Some spouses react with jealousy to anything they consider out of the ordinary.
• History of lying. When a spouse has a history of lying, many times their partner does not believe their reported activities and want to find out for themselves.
• History of drug or alcohol abuse. Much like those spouses with a history of lying, a history of poor impulse control is often another reason spouses consider spying.
• Womanizing/Flirting. When spouses have a long history of womanizing or flirting spouses can at times become suspicious, especially if they tend to be highly seductive in their behaviors.
• History of affairs. If a spouse has a history of affairs, the resolute spouse is more likely to suspect that they are "at it again".

Monitoring what one’s spouse does on the computer varies with the sophistication of the user. If your spouse is not very computer literate, you can find where they have been by checking the history. A secondary source of information is located in the cache of the computer which shows copies of the pages visited. Another source of information is checking the cookies. These cookies often reveal where the person has visited as well.

If your spouse is more sophisticated, you may need a keystroke logger or spyware that tracks what sites they visit. Such programs generate a report. There are even programs that capture chat room activity.

One of the signs of unusual behavior is when they have suggestive screen names or alias’ they use in setting up accounts on social network sites. There are also some social network sites for cheaters that provide dummy addresses to distract wary spouses. If you suspect that such activity is going on, look for patterns that indicate unwanted activities.

If you are considering hiring a private investigator, hire someone from a reputable firm. Legitimate private detectives have licenses that can be verified. Make sure that you ask to see their license BEFORE signing anything.

• Like many professionals, make sure you have a contract or a written estimate before approving their services.
• Ask for references. You may even want to ask lawyers, especially divorce lawyers who they have had good results from. Keep in mind that divorce lawyers often have hidden agendas though.
• Make sure that you have a way to access your investigator and that they can access you. When something is found you will want to know.

Besides the computer, there are tests that can be performed on the underwear to detect evidence. There are also ways to hack cell phones to see if they have been used in affair activities. Besides cell phones, records such as phone bills, charges, and toll road fees have been useful for spouses looking for evidence concerning their partners.