Infidelity and Parent Alienation Syndrome
76Parent Alienation Syndrome: A product of Affairs?
One of the controversial topics associated with infidelity occurs when the adultery is followed by divorce and child custody battles. During such custody battles, the issue of “Parent Alienation Syndrome” stirs up feelings and reactions like a lightning rod. What is this Parent Alienation Syndrome? The term came into popular use based on the research and writings of Richard Gardner. Gardner began using the term based on research he conducted in the 1980’s. Besides addressing Parent Alienation Syndrome, he also addressed differentiation between true and false accounts of sex abuse.
Although to many, the idea that one spouse would lie, deceive or manipulate to blatantly alienate the children from the other spouse seems far-fetched, those who deal with families in conflict know differently. Gardner claimed that 90% of the children he evaluated in custody disputes showed some signs of alienation. He differentiates between ‘brainwashing” (indoctrination) and alienation. Brainwashing is when there is a conscious, systematized to denigrate the other parent. Alienation occurs at a subconscious and unconscious level.
It is not beyond couples to resort to unusual tactics when dealing with their children. The many forces that once held the couple together splinter and the forces released are powerful. When children are involved, there are strong feelings and reactions. When in the midst of those strong reactions and feelings, parents have been known to do things to alienate the children from the other spouse.
Gardner categorizes the factors that contribute to Parent Alienation Syndrome as :
1. Brainwashing
2. Subconscious and Unconscious programming
3. The child’s contributions
4. Situational Factors
Alienation does not occur in every divorce and child custody situation. Gardner did find some correlation of alienation related to gender. In evaluating his work, it is important to keep in mind that he evaluated the children of the couples in the midst of intense custody battles. Many couples settle things before it comes to that, so applying his findings to the population in general could be misleading. Some parents are able to come up with workable solutions to the dissolution of their marriage and family. Although many couples can settle things, there are some that will use any method they can dream up in order to gain custody and ‘win’ by obtaining the children.
Unfortunately, there are people who have affairs and are oblivious to the possibility of Parent Alienation Syndrome until they hear the term from lawyers and have to deal with it in the courtroom.
Parental Alienation Syndrome
Infidelity can lead to extreme conflicts.
Parent Alienation on the Gregory Mantell Show
Symptoms associated with Parent Alienation Syndrome
-Campaign of denigration by the alienator
-Lack of ambivalence
-Abscense of guilt
-Spread of animosity to extended family and friends of alienated parent
-Reflexive support of the alienating parent in the parental conflict
(Note: These are presented as guidelines for educational purposes)
States Recognizing Parent Alienation Syndrome
Parent Alienation Syndrome has been recognized in 22 States, 7 Canadian Provinces, and 6 Countries.
The States recognizing Parent Alienation Syndrome Include:
Alabama
Alaska
Arkansas
California
Connecticut
Colorado
Florida
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Louisiana
Michigan
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New York
Ohio
Pennsylvania
Texas
Virginia
Washington
Wisconsin
Wyoming
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How extensive is Parent Alienation Syndrome?
"A 10 year study by two psychologists in Michigan indicated that half of the sexual abuse allegations judged as true by family courts where many of the person were incarcerated actually were false and made in the context of heated custody disputes" (Richard B. Austin, Ph. D. 1996)
Infidelity increases the likelihood of Parent Alienation Syndrome
Green and Schetky (1988) pointed out how false sex allegations by mothers may be an extension of accusations against the hated spouse for sexual misconduct with other family members and other women.
When affairs occur, accusations that were once suspicions are often distorted into full-blown delusions. These accusations have been known to involve allegations of sexual abuse. The allegations often intensify when a divorce proceeding in underway. Although no sexual abuse may have occurred, the challenge is proving they did not occur and removing the appearence of impropriety. In courtrooms, one is often not dealing with facts, but rather appearences and what is plausible. The accusing spouse only has to persuade the judge or jury that it is plausible that you abused the children in some manner.
In the court room, when the divorce proceedings are underway and child custody is at stake, the lawyers often do not play fair. They manage to twist and distort who you are and what you are accused of. They can turn an affair into something horridly ugly. What may have been poor judgement is now turned into evidence that you are an unfit parent.
The younger the child, the greater the possiblity that the other parent will be able to convince them that the accused behavior did occur. The delusions are then given facts and evidence that make them appear real.
In cases of parent alienation, no sexual abuse occurred. The allegations of sexual abuse are used to alienate and distance one parent from the children. There are patterns associated with false allegations of child abuse. It often takes mental health professionals which are trained in 'Parent Alientation Syndrome' to sort out which are real and which are fabricated allegations.
Links to help children with affairs and divorce
- The Affair Recovery System
If your marriage is worth saving you can benefit from these tools that will help you learn what to do and what to avoid in repairing your marriage - Marriage Counseling
Marriage does not have to end due to an affair. Do you know what to do next? Find out how to restore your marriage by counseling with the author. - Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair?
An affair does not have to mean that the marriage is over. You can strengthen your relationship after infidelity. There are steps that you and your spouse can take to improve your marriage, even after the hurt of an affair.Learn to avoid the mistakes - Parental Alienation Syndrome
Dr. Richard Gardner's PAS Reference Lists - Richard Gardner and Parental Alienation Syndrome
- Richard A. Gardner - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- Infidelity and Parent Alienation Syndrome
- Signs of Parental Alienation Syndrome
- What we learned from 30 years of research
Synopsis of what Green and Schnetky have learned in their research on divorce and infidelity. - False Domestic Violence Allegations
A site focused on the false allegations of domestic violence, especially among immigrants to the US.
Surviving an Affair Blog Feed
- My Daddy never taught me about that
Most of the attention in dealing with affairs focuses on top signs that someone is cheating or a variation of that. The focus on catching and avoiding being caught seems to be the major amount of articles and websites on affair. Although that is where there is the highest amount of drama and excitement, it [...] - 2 hours ago
- Love Addictions and Affairs
Some affairs are the product of love addictions rather than poor decision making, immoral values, sexual addition, poor impulse control or other factors often found underlying affairs. In the case of love addiction-based affairs, the spouse afflicted is seeking stimulation. The need for “love stimulation” becomes the priority. The need for stimulation often over rides [...] - 9 hours ago
- Reconnecting with life
One of the ways the trauma of an affair impact peoples lives is the “disconnection with life.” Although there is an alienation between you and your spouse, the alienation does not stop there. It often spreads to where you pull away from friends, activities, emotions, your body, self-care, spirituality, mental stimulation and in some cases [...] - 4 days ago
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