Infidelity and Parent Alienation Syndrome

One of the controversial topics associated with infidelity occurs when the adultery is followed by divorce and child custody battles. During such custody battles, the issue of “Parent Alienation Syndrome” stirs up feelings and reactions like a lightning rod. What is this Parent Alienation Syndrome? The term came into popular use based on the research and writings of Richard Gardner. Gardner began using the term based on research he conducted in the 1980’s. Besides addressing Parent Alienation Syndrome, he also addressed differentiation between true and false accounts of sex abuse.

Although to many, the idea that one spouse would lie, deceive or manipulate to blatantly alienate the children from the other spouse seems far-fetched, those who deal with families in conflict know differently. Gardner claimed that 90% of the children he evaluated in custody disputes showed some signs of alienation. He differentiates between ‘brainwashing” (indoctrination) and alienation. Brainwashing is when there is a conscious, systematized to denigrate the other parent. Alienation occurs at a subconscious and unconscious level.

It is not beyond couples to resort to unusual tactics when dealing with their children. The many forces that once held the couple together splinter and the forces released are powerful. When children are involved, there are strong feelings and reactions. When in the midst of those strong reactions and feelings, parents have been known to do things to alienate the children from the other spouse.

Gardner categorizes the factors that contribute to Parent Alienation Syndrome as :

1. Brainwashing

2. Subconscious and Unconscious programming

3. The child’s contributions

4. Situational Factors

Alienation does not occur in every divorce and child custody situation. Gardner did find some correlation of alienation related to gender. In evaluating his work, it is important to keep in mind that he evaluated the children of the couples in the midst of intense custody battles. Many couples settle things before it comes to that, so applying his findings to the population in general could be misleading. Some parents are able to come up with workable solutions to the dissolution of their marriage and family. Although many couples can settle things, there are some that will use any method they can dream up in order to gain custody and ‘win’ by obtaining the children.

Unfortunately, there are people who have affairs and are oblivious to the possibility of Parent Alienation Syndrome until they hear the term from lawyers and have to deal with it in the courtroom.

Parent Alienation Syndrome has been recognized in 22 States, 7 Canadian Provinces, and 6 Countries.

The States recognizing Parent Alienation Syndrome Include:

Alabama

Alaska

Arkansas

California

Connecticut

Colorado

Florida

Illinois

Indiana

Iowa

Louisiana

Michigan

Nevada

New Hampshire

New Jersey

New York

Ohio

Pennsylvania

Texas

Virginia

Washington

Wisconsin

Wyoming

Green and Schetky (1988) pointed out how false sex allegations by mothers may be an extension of accusations against the hated spouse for sexual misconduct with other family members and other women.

When affairs occur, accusations that were once suspicions are often distorted into full-blown delusions. These accusations have been known to involve allegations of sexual abuse. The allegations often intensify when a divorce proceeding in underway. Although no sexual abuse may have occurred, the challenge is proving they did not occur and removing the appearence of impropriety. In courtrooms, one is often not dealing with facts, but rather appearences and what is plausible. The accusing spouse only has to persuade the judge or jury that it is plausible that you abused the children in some manner.

In the court room, when the divorce proceedings are underway and child custody is at stake, the lawyers often do not play fair. They manage to twist and distort who you are and what you are accused of. They can turn an affair into something horridly ugly. What may have been poor judgement is now turned into evidence that you are an unfit parent.

The younger the child, the greater the possiblity that the other parent will be able to convince them that the accused behavior did occur. The delusions are then given facts and evidence that make them appear real.

In cases of parent alienation, no sexual abuse occurred. The allegations of sexual abuse are used to alienate and distance one parent from the children. There are patterns associated with false allegations of child abuse. It often takes mental health professionals which are trained in 'Parent Alientation Syndrome' to sort out which are real and which are fabricated allegations.