To Iniquity, and Beyond: News from a lunatic-infested dirt clod

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism and satire the most potent form of dissent. Hailed as The InSultan of Satire and The Definitive Voice of the Apocalypse. Thirty-seven Tim Hollis fans can't be wrong.

By Tim Hollis

Are you up in arms over pesky American citizens exercising their rights to freely assemble near your military-industrial sweatshop? No need to sweat it. With an InfraGard card your worries are over, because a single call to your criminal cohorts is now as simple as 1-800-FBI.

As a cardholding, outsourcing, downsizing slave owner you've joined with over 23,000 other lowbrow paranoid lickspittle ribbon clerks as a Deputy Junior G-man in the fight against free speech in America.

As a cardholder you'll be one of the first to know when (not if) Adolf Cheney has declared martial law. In the meantime let your fellow ‘red team members' know, in a ‘robust exchange of information' if there's a problem with union agitators, whistleblowers, political satirists or a determined band of pink-clad ladies.

Compile your own ‘black book' of personalized vendettas and add them to the InfraGreed and InfraGoon hit lists. Use your official encryption-protected decoding ring to cross-index your enemies with those of other republican dicks just like you.

Remember, only official cardholders are granted proactive immunity to murder in the first degree so you're sure to be the envy of all the other financial terrorists in your local chapter of the Better Business Bureau.

Has a locally-certified snitch zeroed in on someone non-violently protesting war profiteers? Just load your street legal .50 caliber ammo with complete confidence and apply directly to the forehead.

Thanks to InfraGard you can now lock, load, aim and fire with no fear of embarrassment, so don't just shoot. Stay cool with InfraGard and ‘shoot to kill'.

Source story: http://progressive.org/mag_rothschild0308

By Tim Hollis

Prevention of Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism

Guilty of every offense resident in its newspeakian lingo, radical extremist legislators have criminalized the eighty-nine per cent of Americans (based on an eleven per cent approval rating) who hate their guts. The wholesale assault on ‘our freedoms' touted in this act of homegrown terror should be sufficient, I think, to secure swift convictions.

In H.R. 1984..er 55's opening salvo ‘To prevent homegrown terrorism, and for other purposes' one need not stoop to the nightmarish ambiguity implicit past the comma in order to prove congressional collusion in ideologically-based violence, torture, kidnapping, consorting with known enemies of The United States and abetting a radicalized homegrown oligarchy.

In an open declaration of war on thuh internets: SEC. 899B. FINDINGS, ‘the congress finds' `(3) The Internet has aided in facilitating violent radicalization, ideologically based violence, and the homegrown terrorism process in the United States by providing access to broad and constant streams of terrorist-related propaganda to United States citizens.

Who'o'oah Du'u'ude, that should have mainstream media operatives quaking in their blood-mired boots, but dig that crazy SEC. 899C, establishing the university-based ‘Center of Excellence' (Fuzznuts Punk Thought Police for the Ministry of Rovian Truth) designated under section 899D, and ‘other academic work', as appropriate;

‘As appropriate' it is therefore incumbent upon alert citizens to turn these Young Republican pukes and congressional malefactors in to themselves. We must set them to ‘other academic work', to relentless self-scrutiny, beginning with self-administered cavity checks in order to disclose the secret whereabouts of their ideologically-based heads.

As I predicted in ‘Centigrade 451' rampant domestic spying has come to full flower with the call for firefighters, blog trolls, telecoms, Jehovah's Witnesses and rug shampooers to be on the lookout for signs of sedition such as mirth, literacy and access to the internet.

Rest assured that our brave new government has inadvertently stopped all would-be terrorists in their tracks because when it comes to undermining ‘our freedoms' via homegrown satire who wouldn't despair of topping this? H.R1955

By Tim Hollis

Every bit as depraved, deranged and demented as he looks, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has enlisted firefighters and emergency responders as his eyes and ears in the fight against discontent in America. Not satisfied with demanding warning labels for satire, the Screaming Skull vowed to stamp out not only discontent, but metaphor, double entendre, innuendo, facetiousness, puns, sarcasm and anything smacking of witty repartee.

Firefighters and emergency personnel are being grilled in the investigative arts of detecting subtle signs of subversive activity such as the possession of worthwhile books, posters proposing world peace, suspiciously intellectual phrenology and telltale signs of terrorist sympathies inferred from micro facial expressions. Don't let a careless impulse to laugh betray your evil seditious secrets.

That dust covered Cat Stevens album in the attic? You can count on just something like that to net a lengthy stay in Guantanamo or an overnight rendition to Syria. So, hop around like hell, today, scrubbing your environs of anything that could be deemed as seeding dissent by postal workers, librarians, delivery drivers, neighbors, friends or family (including, I shudder to say, in-laws). Thought you'd enjoy a morning cup o' joe while perusing the Buzzflash headlines? Huh. Just remember, if there's a fire, you're fucked.

Unlike Chertoff I'm concerned about not disrupting vital services or I'd suggest a date and time for those millions of us yearning for a functional society to turn ourselves in.

Scott McClellan Finally Squirms

By Tim Hollis

In it up to his pudgy jowls Tweety is determined to avoid facing eventual war crimes tribunals and hanging alongside his masters. Concerning his upcoming book What Happened the former White House lying sack of shit had this to say:

"In my new book I twy to bwow the whissoo on that mean ol' Bush cwime syndicate that sent me out to the White House Pwess Woom to wie about the Pwame weaks. Oo, dat vice pwesident is vewy scawy. He said if I didn't coopewate he would shoot me and feed me to the Pwesident and Tewdbwossom Wove."

During an extensive and costly sham investigation appointee Patrick Fitzgerald was able to send up a smoke screen that obscured the intent of exposing obvious treasonous actions by the Bush cartel, and instead convicting designated fall guy Scooter Libby and paving the way for Bush to commute the sentence. If this so-called pit bull of a prosecutor was ever on the level he'd be drooling out of both sides of his down turned mouth.

Sure to be rinsed clean of actionable accusations by the time of printing, Tweety's disavowal of guilt is expected to be a laugh packed hit with readers of the Warren Commission Report and White House insiders. As a consequence Robert (Teflon Bob) Novak could easily wind up facing the presentation of a National Service Medal.

Sssufferin' Sssuccotash!

By Tim Hollis

A reading of Ted Gup's Nation of Secrets will leave your forehead smarting (if it isn't already) from self-inflicted slaps and wondering how it's humanly possible to love your country and not despise the fucking government. Presented as a sober accounting of maniacal secrecy it nevertheless sent me at times into spasms of teary-eyed hysteria reminiscent of forays into Joseph Heller's Catch 22 and Major Major Major Major. It lends, with no satire intended, a satirical view of governmental mental illness, revealing how rampant secrecy has resulted in a volitionally induced implosion into a super-massive black hole.

In steadfast opposition to oversight and logic, secrets are made so at the whim of thousands of entities, ranging from the dubious to the criminally insane, extending to agencies headed by their own worst enemies such as the EPA, the Forest Service, Departments of Agriculture, Health and Human Services, FCC, ad infinitum, joined by a bevy of war profiteering private sector weapons contractors, mercenary hired killers and adventurers in the land of telecomplicity.

Thanks to interagency squabbles and conflicting criteria secrecy sustains a spy vs. spy vs. spy scenario and creeps via ‘derivation' into issues of public concern. Estranged from real world legal protection heroic whistleblowers are sentenced to professional exile and condemnation at the hands of our traitorous mainstream media. One example cites a postponement by two years of an upgrading in body armor that would have assured the survival of eighty percent of Marines killed between March 2003 and June of 2005. Secrecy has mitigated against challenges to dirty deals in congressional ‘sessions', Enronesque burlesques and sundry episodes of oligarchic skullduggery.

Every classifier of secrets delights in the invention of Orwellian titles for its various overlapping levels of security. In addition to the old familiar layers such as Secret, Top Secret, etc. we are treated to such masterpieces of convolution as For Official Use Only, Sensitive Internal Use, In Confidence, Limited Distribution Information, Critical Infrastructure Information, Non-Public Information, Safeguards Information and Predecisional Drafts. Gag me with a national security letter.

I could list many more but they're classified as Deep Background, Deep Deep Background, Deeply Deep Deep Background and Deeper Than The Deepest Depths of The Deepest Imaginable Background. So, concerning those, I have nothing to say.

Nation Of Secrets: The Threat To Democracy And The American Way Of Life by Ted Gup. http://www.buzzflash.com/store/items/855

By Tim Hollis

According to the AP blab ‘Pelosi issued a statement Friday evening rapping (a gavel down on) Pete Stark, who is in his 18th term representing the liberal East Bay.

"While members of Congress are passionate about their views, what Congressman Stark said during the debate was inappropriate and distracted from the seriousness of the subject at hand - providing health care for America's children," Pelosi said.

"You don't have money to fund the war or children," Stark accused Republicans. "But you're going to spend it to blow up innocent people if we can get enough kids to grow old enough for you to send to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the president's amusement."

After numerous Republicans called on him to apologize, Stark said it was they who should be apologizing, for failing to provide the votes to override Bush's veto.'

Whenever observing Pelosi at work, I can never help thinking to myself, ‘Now, if only those tits could be brains.' Whether it's "Impeachment is off the table", implausible declarations such as those quoted above, or every inane utterance in between, the neurons are sent into a roiling, hallucinatory turmoil. They don't know what to do. "Wait! No! It can't be. The ears. Go back and check the ears."

To Iniquity, and Beyond: News from a lunatic-infested dirt clod

http://www.hubpages.com/hub/iniquity

Tip Toe Through the Toilets

Fools Flush In (Where Wise Men Never Go)

High, Wide and Handsome

Blue Suede Schmooze

Behind Closed Doors

Put Your Hand in the Hand

The Night Has a Thousand Eyes

Knockin' on Heaven's Door

I Know a Place

The Dangling Conversation

I'm Walking the Floor Over You

The Door Is Still Open (To My Heart)

Feelings

Big John

House of the Rising Bun

How High the Moon

Bad Moon Rising

The Beat Goes On

Mr. Bojangles

Little Drummer Boy

On a Queer Day (You Can See Forever)

I Got Rhythm

Can't You Hear My Heartbeat

The Boy Next Door

Dueling Banyos

I Feel the Earth Move (Under my Feet)

Smokin' in the Boys' Room

Snap Your Fingers

Foot Loose and Fancy Free

Aint He Sweet

The Beat Goes On

Standing in the Shadows of Love

Barefootin'

Let's Lock the Door (And Throw Away the Key)

The Night Has a Thousand Eyes

No Particular Place To Go

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Sweet Talkin' Guy

You're the Devil in Disguise

Foot Foot Footsie (Good-bye)

Hats Off To Larry

By Tim Hollis.

Ol' Chief Broom, they call me. I sweep along in demerol-abbreviated flicks across the gleaming dayroom floor. The Acutes and The Chronics are all in their TV places as Nurse Ratched scolds the Washington Press Corps.

MS. RATCHED: Good afternoon. One statement on Burma and another statement on a domestic issue, and then we can go to questions.

Blah, blah, blah...

With that, I'll take your questions.

Q I wanted to ask about the President's statement this morning on the interrogation method. He said -- he repeated, obviously, what he did yesterday (sic), that the government doesn't torture -- the U.S. government doesn't torture people. But these memos make it sound like the definition of what's permissible is so expansive that you could say we don't torture and almost anything could be true falling into that. (???) What do you say to that?

MS. RATCHED: Well, what I say is the United States' policy and our laws is (sic) not to torture. We meet the laws and we also meet our international obligations. There's a public document that interprets the statute that is from the Office of Legal Opinion (sic), from the Justice Department. It's on the website for anybody to read. Any additional documents are classified for a reason, because they have to deal (sic) with interrogation techniques. (???)

What the President said today is, yes, we do interrogate al Qaeda terrorists (suspects). These are people who (allegedly) intend to harm us. We do not torture them. And the appropriate members of the Congress were briefed, and there ‘has been no changes' (sic...Jesus) from that December 2004 opinion that everyone has available to them -- in addition to the briefings that the Hill has had.

Q Any of the briefing -- any of the members of Congress who have been briefed, are those the same ones who are complaining (sic) about the --

MS. RATCHED: Intelligence Committee members were briefed.

Q And so they're saying -- one of their complaints obviously is that these memos were done in secret, they're secret memos. So you're saying that's not true because they've been briefed?

MS. RATCHED: Well, they have been briefed to appropriate members of Congress on the Intelligence Committee. But they are classified for a reason and they are secret -- I think the word "secret" is getting a little bit too much -- it takes on the aura of mystery (???) -- but one of the reasons they are secret is because they ‘need to be'. They need to be cloaked in the classified system so that we can keep that information private so that we're not signaling to our enemies exactly what our techniques are. (???) And that's why they're -- they've been classified, and that's why they were briefed to the intelligence community, because it's an intelligence community program.

And then the head nurse deftly segues into blatant lies about imaginary briefings. You can only listen to Republicans lie in brief spurts, for soon, meds or no meds, your synapses simply refuse to fire. Or you start listening in fragments because it's so shocking to reason that while you're contemplating insane declarations about acceptable levels of torture, two or three more go past in sketchy, dry-brushed broom strokes.

Yeah, the briefing room is exactly the same as the dayroom. There's Cheswick from NBC, Harding from CBS, Martini from AP but there's no McMurphy; not a McMurphy in the bunch, which brings me to how I got here. I was taking a break from working on a news satire weblog one day and, snapping on the TV, settled into a spectacle of this very same Nurse Ratched espousing doctrine so antithetical to rational thought that I dialed through to the Washington Press Ward and said "If somebody doesn't choke that bitch to death right now I'm coming down there and I'm going..."

I'll probably get strangled for this, but I just had to crash the final rehearsals this week and they were nothing short of jaw dropping. Commanding the Apollo stage was GOP hack and author of Who's Loofing Out For You? Bill Bleachedwheat O'Reilly belting out all of America's Jim Crow favorites; My White Heaven, Alabamy Bound and I'm Going South, just to name a few. Don Imus was plucked from the audience to be serenaded with Baby Face. Later teaming up with Ann Coulter for a skit entitled ‘Imus ‘N' Annie' Don was one nappy headed ho.

And folks, you aint heard nothin' yet. Harkening back to a bygone error when racism was all the vogue, FOX pundits pulled out the stops on You Made Me Love You from Honeymoon Express, and in a tribute to Ronald Reagan, Massah's in de Col' Col' Groun'. ‘Aunt Jemima' Rice was swooned by Colin Powell with Condonia (What Make Yo Big Head So Hard).

Vote cager Karl Rove joined redistricting coordinator Tom Delay in a medley of By the Light of the Silvery Moon and Back in Your Own Backyard. Finally, Larry Craig led the Gay Old Perverts in a toe-tapping rendition of Foot, Foot Footsie.

Afterward I joined the cast at a toney Manhattan eatery. Had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful. I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between the Four Seasons restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by whites, primarily white ‘patronship'. Later, during a discussion with National Public Radio senior correspondent and Fox News lawn jockey Juan Williams about the effect of hate speech on culture, I asserted: There wasn't one person there who was screaming, "Hey nigger. Git me some iced tea, boy." You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into a soul food restaurant in an all black ghetto in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun.

Network bigots displayed all the decorum one might expect at some place like, say, Sylvia's. I mean I expected to see ‘these people' lynching blacks, burning crosses and running amuck, you know, wearing hoods and brandishing torches. You hear so much about how ‘these people' are always stealing elections and starting wars but there wasn't any kind of craziness at all. ‘These people' were just as docile as Barack OB'wana. I think white Americans are starting to think more and more for themselves. They're getting away from the fanatical Pat Robertsons and George Bush sons-of-gods, the people trying to lead them into a race-based culture. They're just trying to figure it out. ‘Look, I can make it. If I work hard and acquire some social etiquette, I can make it.'

Intergalactic Neocon Commandos Liberate Outer Space

71

By Tim Hollis

Bush: Whutcha gut there, Dick?

Cheney: Eeergh (guttural boardroom grunt from side of mouth).

Bush: C'mon. Show me whutcha gut.

Cheney: Eeergh, it's my new Handheld X-Series Space Plane Launcher from over at 50th Space Wing's Space Warfare Center. You'll remember signing off on these at The Conference on the Law and Policy Relating to National Security Activities in Outer Space.

Bush: Uh, yeah. Heh.

Cheney: That's nothing. Watch what Iranians do when I penetrate their puny four-story deep bunkers with some U.S. Space Command Non-Explosive Tungsten ‘Rods of God' Projectiles. Eeergh, we like to call it ‘negation'. If those don't pack sufficient wallop I'll smack ‘em with some SBL's.

Bush: SBL's?

Cheney: Space-Based Lasers aboard my Orbiting Anti-Bomber Anti-Missile Anti-Satellite Satellite Platform. Wanna vaporize Iran? Go ahead. You're the Commander. Hit the command.

Bush: Oo rah! Kickin' ass!

Source story at link. I don't make this stuff up.

http://www.inthesetimes.com/comments.php?id=336_0_3_0_c

By Tim Hollis

Testifying before a credulous, pathetic and ineffectual Congress, General Petraeus was glued to his script in the rapt attention of a schoolboy reading aloud to the class. Struggling to decipher Cheney's prepared propaganda (I always use this razorblade...on my face...to shave...it.) one almost felt pity for Bush's top military stooge as beads of sweat built up in a seditious refusal to follow orders.

Of interest to web users, Pet managed to squeeze in a neo-con internets paranoia alert, arguing that since the bad guys have laptops, the only evidence of true democracy must be censored and dismantled as an evil device in the service of evil evildoers and the evil evildoing dogs who support them.

McCain led witnesses along in a Pollyanna proclamation that all will be well in Iraq so long as we stay the course of fomenting hopeless chaos throughout the Middle East. Kennedy still wants to hold ‘those Iraqis' accountable for the US created civil disintegration, careful, as ever to not cast aspersions on the Bush regime.

In his whining, agonizing and supremely irritating way, dipshit Joe Lieberman referred to the mostly urban chaos as ‘the battlefield' and ‘battleground', thanking the so-called witnesses, adding that they deserved to be cheered. He then strongly encouraged military pursuits into Iranian territory (the new Cambodia).

The usual cast of rogues and scoundrels played their stereotypical roles, droning along in a pretence of competency. A hackneyed, yet ever requisite buttering up of our beleaguered troops was interrupted only by a mutual kissing of ass. It was agreed by all that a bloody drawdown should be a gradual process taking effect over the next one hundred and seventy-five years.

"You Can't Be Here"

Kansas City, August 10

CBS (the most twisted name in broadcasting) brought the Early Show to Kansas City loaded for crowd control. Disguised as women, they were changelings, transformers, mercenary shape shifters morphing into cops, there (Liberty Memorial Park) to clear away anyone suspected of being there.

Reminding proponents of peace that "You can't be here" CBS staff, with the aid of real police were able to quell the disturbance caused by 60 year old Corva Murphy and her husband, Everett, known members of Peace Works, an anti-nuclear-weapons group.

Bearing a sign with the inflammatory ‘Out of Iraq, Now' the Murphys (whose son has served in Iraq) were brusquely told that "You have to put your signs down. CBS doesn't want any political signs."

Finally refusing to leave Liberty Memorial Park, police were forced to slap the cuffs on Mrs. Murphy, though later deciding not to haul her in for the customary rubber hosing downtown.

CBS, in the interest of broadcasting serious, hard hitting news, was covering the country band, Big and Rich, renowned for their rousing patriotic fervor and whose very mention will immediately, I'm sure, evoke the immortal lyrics to ‘Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)'.

Source story at The Progressive

http://www.progressive.org/mag_mc090407

The Failiah in Australia

Probing into the Outback Regions of the Austrian Bush

In Melbourne, or Sydney, or Vienna, or "one of them places" Chancellor George Witless Bush announced the opening of a surprise Opec Summit Meeting to a confused crowd who were no doubt hampered by their use of English as a first language. An inarticulate and ardent spokesman for injustice, inequality and environmental lassitude, he held the audience spellbound throughout.

Always the international cutup, card, hambone, practical joker and clown, Bush had them rolling in the aisles in a reprised bit where he bolts off in the wrong direction and then stumbles off the stage in another of his hilarious pratfalls. "Nobody stumbles like George" a delegation of comedians was heard to admiringly comment. Comics were there to garner material for upcoming standup routines and Bush did not disappoint.

"What a priceless buffoon! You Yanks stubbornly refuse to settle for second place when it comes to sending an audience up".

Not since slapstick legend Gerald R. Ford took a shitbird flip down the steps of Air Force One has the country ‘down under somewhars' so warmed to an American performer.

Whut Thuh ‘Merr'kin People Gut T'Understa'and

Whut thuh ‘Merr'kin people gut t'understa'and is that Ah'm the Duhcahder and Ah'll duhcahd who stays and who goes and Ah've duhcahded that th'Ahracky people gut t'go. Ah've killed well over a million o'them innocent c'vilions just t'prove m'point, heh heh, m'point bein' thet as the chief duhcahder and yore Edj'cator-in-Chief, it's mah r'spons'bility t'see to it thet ya'all get mah message, which is this, that Ah'm th'one makin' thuh duhcisions heah, see, and whut we have heah is a failiah...t'c'mmunicate

Night of the Living Dead?

DHS ‘head' Michael (Jolly Roger) Chertoff, replacement for outgoing DHS Secretary, Tom (Calling all Cars) Ridge, whom he replaced soon after replacing outgoing FEMA Secretary Heckuva Job Brownie, is rumored to be slated as a replacement for the soon to be vacant (if it wasn't already) Attorney General's post, replacing the outgoing Munster. Having replaced so many other outgoing sad sacks, Chertoff is considered by many top level neocon replacers to be the perfect replacement.

Replacing Munster will not be easy. Remember that Eddie was the replacement for outgoing Attorney General and adored crooner, John (Joe Friday) Ashcroft, who, eerily portending this moment, was once defeated in an election by a man who was actually dead.

Not your ordinary bureaucratic zombie, Chertoff is expected to take up where his beleaguered and befuddled predecessor has left off, vowing, once approved by the rubber stamp congress, to further erode human rights and dignity until the last vestiges of civilized culture have been drained of their blood.

Stopping briefly to speak with lapdog reporters Munster cited a sudden onset of Alzheimer's disease as his chief reason for stepping down. When asked if he planned to spend more time with his family, he said he couldn't remember.

The Free Jack Abramoff Campaign (FJAC) is finally underway. Many of us with Indian blood (I eschew the term native-american because who wants to be associated with this country?) are embarked on a mission to free a legend; a man epitomizing the tradition of the rugged narcissistic individualist; a man compared to one remembered in tribal lore as Yellow Hair, the goddamn fool.

We will not forget our paleface brother in his time of great sorrow. No. Free him now and let there be an end to our petty bickering. Stoke the hash pipe of great peace until, once again, we may laugh at each other brave to brave, squaw to squaw, face to bleary-eyed face.

We will not forget how he tamed stampeding lobbyists, working his heap big hand to hand magic, bravely bearing up under powwows in Chief Decider's Tee-pee and golfing junkets across the great waters, trench coat and signature Borsalino brushed to a satiny made-man sheen.

Yes, we want the great white warrior, TRMPAC, to be free...free once again to graze across our lands, our internment camps and our casinos; free to turn a shining face toward the sun, firmly and forever tied to our sacred ground.

at&t'a way ta go

The majority in congress, exhibiting the final throes of battered wife syndrome, have entered into a new and perilous complicity with their abusers. Is there anything up with which they will not put? Should we be putting up with them?

When it comes to presaging a dystopian nightmare nothing says it like ‘total information awareness' even while lacking proper syntax, and now it's been officially sanctioned. Just as the effects of global warming will not come to a fatal head in measurable, steady increments but in a sudden unforeseen cascade, the roll off from rolling over will be our getting rolled over by co-opted snitches in league with cops in league with spies in league with armies, all serving as mindless goon squads in league with the rich.

We've all seen examples in history...well, all but those in charge of governing the country, of how a permissive malaise may segue ever so smoothly into random roundups of anyone turned in by anyone for anything, and especially by no one for nothing.

Having been, with the demise of habeas corpus, thrown back into the fifteenth century, could we be, in our complacency, ushering in the darkest age since the discovery of fire?

Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep. Singular wiretapping. It's the new at&t.

Instead of instituting a draft for the upcoming plunge into World War III, why don't we make military service compulsory for those who most enjoy the spOILs of war? Starting from the super rich and working downward, even to the lower reaches of those who are merely millionaires, why not expend first the cannon fodder with the highest stake in the game?

This policy could reverse the national tradition of diligently maintaining the conditions for poverty and then sacrificing the poor on an exclusive basis. Let's share the privilege of being heroic warriors in defense of a defense system in defense of itself with the offspring of those profiting (profiteering) most from its defense. Let's sacrifice them over there so we don't have to sacrifice them over here, if you're getting my drift. Aside from the logic of the rich protecting their own filthy lucre, it would also serve to thin out that part of the gene pool which most downgrades our culture. What do we have to lose?

After these morons have bungled their way to an ignominious and inevitable defeat it would be a simple matter to raise the age limit for their enlistment privileges and rid ourselves of brutish moguls. I know we're speaking of horrendous atrocities and global carnage but can't we, for once, look on the bright side? If we adjust our recruiting strategies, I think we can.

Karl (the other white meat) Rove will resign effective the end of August, in order to share those famously irresistible dark side charms with his adoring family. Think about it. Rove has a family. That means somebody had to...

Sorry. I had to come to terms with my gag reflex. I'm okay. As I was saying, having done his darnedest (curbing an innate tendency to swear) to provide for the welfare of ultra-rich exploitation freaks across this proud land...from the mountains, to the golf greens, to the boardrooms flush with dough, could anyone be more deserving of an early retirement than Turd...Blossom...Rove? I don't think so.

It won't be the same without his 4F pimple-ridden behind behind the screen, that's for sure. While confident there is no dearth of maniacal neocons willing to assume the position, when it comes to casting, he has been, we must admit, profoundly prototypical of that split-off sub-specie.

Whether it came to election fraud or treasonous leaks, war crimes or just the mirthful contempt incumbent with his day to day duties, he never failed to slither up to the plate with a defiant smirk creasing his beaming and piggish countenance.

This country owes so much, thanks to his efforts, that the real debt is beyond our meager powers of comprehension. But we should see to it that the Karl Roves of this nation get everything that's coming to them, no matter what it takes. We'll miss you Karl, you conniving little pri...

Dysfunctional State of the Union

In light of recent and previous cave-ins by the wussiecrat majority in congress, we should all, by now, be disabused of any notions of political hope. But I have a dream. Actually it happens sometimes in those Intermediate Bardos between sleep and what is called the wakeful state (better regarded as the sanctioned hallucination) where a cosmic crack occurs in the collapse of a probability wave and you think you might be waking up to a sane world.

"Wow, I just had this nightmare...it was awful. An idiotic leader had been installed by a neo-reagonite contingent of twisted pricks warmed over from the contra-hell of the eighties. They had declared war on Iraq, of all places, and were constantly sending diplomats in the form of highly aggressive lesbians abroad to threaten and scold any country that refused to comply with their criminal agenda or religious superstitions...I know it sounds crazy...anyway, we had virtually voted into some black hole Diebold machines and then five shills on the supreme court effected a coup, declaring, 'You assholes don't know how to vote. We'll vote.' So they voted for the loser...the winner?. Oh he was an amiable type who would never deign to interfere with fascism in the making...some black women in congress tried to intervene and I was rooting for them but they were dismissed as belligerent and, in a twist of irony theretofore unsurpassed, the winner presided ceremoniously over his own deposing. It seems so real when you're dreaming this shit. Anyway, the news media were a coagulate of bewildered dishrags in thrall with the willingly complicit and reduced to absurdists in self-parody.

There was introduced a blend of Orwellian newspeak and Cheneyesque boardroom jargon, such as Clear Skies and Healthy Forests and Iraqi Freedom and No Child Left Behind (just to cite a few) while any agencies conducive to those ends were maniacally sabotaged by mouth-breathing appointees. Unsatiated by having heaped even more riches, if it can be believed, upon the rich, it was now time to relegate the population to abject slavery, bringing it in line with globalistic ambitions. A plethora of outsourcers, offshorers and their lesser, if no less enthusiastic, offsuckers emerged. While these mugs were delivering irreversible blows to the economy, the war profiteers sallied forth with a vehemence that would hold up to shame all those namby pamby totalitarian disasters of the past.

Domestic and international laws were rendered to the document shredders as dissenters and people standing in the wrong place, such as in their homes, were rendered to black sites around the globe. A few 'terrst' attempts were foiled in spite of Homeland Security and we were protected from evildoers the likes of Cat Stevens who, lest we forget, penned that anthem for international terror, Peace Train. One shudders to think of the devastation a guy like that could visit on an already crippled nation. Oh yeah, then there was a storm on the gulf coast and no one could get a drink of water because this was no longer the country that had conducted the Berlin airlift, indeed, had set foot on the goddamn moon. And then you wake up.