What is "happiness"? Websters defines "happiness" as "a state of well-being, or contentment". I think "a state of well-being" is sort of hard to attain. Maybe, not so hard to attain, but difficult to retain. I often wonder if I am actually happy. I have a million things to do during the day. I spend my time in a constant state of preparedness. I would have to say that I am content with my day-to-day situations. Happiness is elusive. I can make myself feel happy at any time. I look at my daughter, at play, and it brings a warm feeling to my heart. I think that is pure happiness.

My question is, if happiness can be a constant state of being. I have met people who seem to be happy all the time. I can't help but wonder if this is the norm. If you consider yourself a "happy" person, how often are you sad? I am a very comparitive person. That is not the best quality to have, but I admit it. I compare myself to others just to see how I add up. I often have to remind myself that "normal" is not the same to everyone. The fluidity of words, and states of being, drives me nuts, sometimes.

It also drives me nuts to think how often we pretend to be in good spirits. I find this to be very confusing. What is the use in pretending to be happy? Is happiness just a mood? My husband believes that if you are in a bad mood, it helps just to smile. Smiling is very important to my husband. I love this quality about him. If someone smiles at him, he is lifted. He is from Florida, originally, and says he moved to Texas because people smile more. A smile is, not so much a greeting to him, but a symbol of happiness. "A state of well-being, or contentment", to me, could be confused with the absence of sadness. I am not hard to please! I can find happiness in the most mundane of duties, or in doing nothing but watching a good movie. Again, I am not very hard to please.

I question my happiness often. I do this because I have recently became a full time house wife. I really love the fact that my responsibilities are to my daughter and husband. They are easy to please, and the deadlines are very lax. I get to be present for all my baby's milestones and I know she will know that I am there for her. Staying at home with my children has always been an unspoken desire of mine. My husband doesn't believe that I can be content without getting up and driving to work every morning. Work has never been a refuge for me, and while I do miss the small talk of co-workers and colleagues, I am much more satisfied to be at home with my daughter.

A couple of months ago, my husband asked me if I was happy. This is the worst thing he could have done. I was perfectly happy until he asked me that question. Then, I started questioning the true meaning of "happiness". I have been pondering it, on and off, since he asked me that penetrating question. I explained to him that I have been worried about money issues, but that doesn't make me unhappy, it just makes me human.

The more I think about it, the more I am sure. Yes! I am happy. I am a happy camper. I have bad days. I get angry, and frustrated. I don't want to get out of bed, some days. I get giddy and dance around with my baby. I find a bit of satisfaction when I finish the laundry. I am satisfied with the fact that I can write about whatever I want, pretty much whenever I want. I am most happy when I can express my feelings freely. I am given every opportunity to do that. I feel so much better, now that I can say that I feel well... I feel content. Gosh, that was a process.

In closing, I would like to say that I don't believe that happiness is retainable, but it is attainable. If a person were giddy all the time, he/she is either on really good drugs, or he/she is pretending. I believe that if a person didn't know sadness, he/she could not know true happiness. I believe that we should focus more on the moments that warm the heart. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a happy day!